weighing on me. If I tell you, can it remain confidential?"
People hear about the sacred attorney-client privilege on TV and assume
it's going to apply to me. It doesn't. I did my best to explain to
Tara that I represented the State, not her. I'd do my best to be
discreet, but if she told me something that related to the case, I'd
almost certainly tell the police, and I might have to disclose it
eventually to a defendant.
"That's the thing," she said. "I don't know if it relates to the
case."
"If you have any reason to think it might, you really do need to tell
me, Tara. I can't promise to keep it confidential, but I will treat
the information with respect. We'll use it for the investigation, but
it's not like I'm going to issue a press release or gossip about your
sister."
She looked into my face and must have decided to trust me. "I think
Clarissa was cheating on Townsend."
I couldn't hide my frustration. How could she not have mentioned this
before? I'd let Grace make me feel bad about the police poking around
in Clarissa's life, and it turns out there was something to discover
after all.
"I didn't know what to say earlier. That first night, he was standing
right there and was so upset; I couldn't mention it. Then when the
police told us they found Clarissa's body, I was with my parents. I
know the police were asking about her marriage, but I didn't want to
say anything in front of them."
"So whom was she seeing?" I asked.
"That's the thing. I don't even know. She never told me. But she
told me a few weeks ago and she made me swear up and down I would never
tell anyone that she had fallen in love with someone else. She said
she wanted to leave Townsend. I was shocked."
"Do you know if she actually started the process of leaving him? Did
she tell Townsend or go to a lawyer?"
"I don't know. I think I made her angry. She wanted me to support her
and be happy for her, and I was crummy."
"How so?" I asked.
""What about your marriage? How could you cheat on Townsend? Why
don't you try counseling?" That kind of stuff. I felt really bad when
she said she only told me because she thought she could depend on me. I
tried to stop being judgmental after that, but I think the damage was
already done."
"She didn't tell you anything more?"
"No. I tried to get her to tell me who he was, but she refused. She
wouldn't even tell me where she met him. We mostly talked about how
she was afraid to be alone. She wanted to leave Townsend to be with
this other person, but she wasn't sure he was prepared to be with her.
I got the impression he might have been married too, like he wasn't
necessarily in a position to live happily ever after with her. But she
didn't want to keep living with Townsend when she was in love with
someone else, so we talked about how she felt about being on her
own."
"And did she come to any decision?"
"I think her mind was already made up; it was just a matter of when. We
talked about how I adjusted after my husband left me. That was
different, though. I have two kids, so my hands were too full to
permit a meltdown. She was picturing herself alone at night with
nothing to do and wondering how she'd get through it. Clarissas one of
those women who's always been with someone."
I knew that feeling. I had been one of those people before my divorce.
Now I don't know what ever made me feel like I could live with anyone
but Vinnie.
I poked and prodded with more questions, but Tara didn't know anything
else about Clarissa's extramarital activities.
"Do you think she told Susan? I got the impression they were like
this," I said, crossing my fingers, "but Susan hasn't mentioned this
either."
"They are I mean, they were." She was still getting used to the past
tense. "In some ways they were more like real sisters than Clarissa
and I were. If anything, they were almost too close, if that makes any
sense. I think Clarissa came to me because I was less likely to
challenge her. Clarissa always felt she owed it to Susan to live up to
her expectations. Family's supposed to love you unconditionally,
right?"
I could tell she was wondering whether she'd lived up to that
obligation. "I'm sure she knew you did, Tara." It was my best effort,
but it sounded no better than the shallow things people said to me when
my mother died.
"I hope so."
"What do you mean about Clarissa living up to Susan's expectations?"
"That's a bit of an overstatement. I don't always choose my words very
well. I think Clarissa wanted to be more like Susan.
It's been that way since they met in sixth grade. Some girl threw gum
in Clarissa's hair on the bus, and Clarissa was afraid to stick up for
herself. Susan was the new kid in school from California, and everyone
else was avoiding her. But when this girl threw gum at Clarissa, Susan
without saying a word to Clarissa followed her off the bus and told her
she'd kick her butt if she ever messed with Clarissa again. From that
point on, they were friends, but Susan was always looking out for
Clarissa. I don't think that dynamic ever went away."
"But if Susan took care of Clarissa, why wouldn't Clarissa confide in
her about something like leaving Townsend?"
"I don't think I'm explaining it well. Susan wouldn't have just
listened to Clarissa, which I think is what Clarissa wanted from me.
She would've gone to Townsend and told him to pay more attention to his
marriage or something. Who knows? She might even have tracked this
other guy down and told him to shape up and be with Clarissa if that's
what she wanted. That's the way Susan is."
I'd just met Susan, but I could already picture it. "I'm sorry, Tara,
but I think I need at least to talk to Susan and see if maybe she knew
who the other guy was."
"But I thought she already said there weren't any problems in the
marriage. In fact, I got the impression she was upset that the police
even asked about it."
"If she doesn't think it has anything to do with her death, she might
just be trying to protect Clarissa's reputation like you were."
She didn't say anything.
"If it matters, I don't see the harm in talking to Susan about your
concerns."
"I'm mostly worried about Townsend. You don't know him. The way he
was Sunday night? He's usually nothing like that, and things have only
gotten worse since then. He's an absolute wreck. I don't think he can
take any more. My parents and I are having a hard enough time on our
own, but now we're worried about Townsend too. If he finds out, I