“Dance? By yourself?”
“Ballet,” Rhee said, her voice so low Doug could hardly hear her. “You know, with an orchestra disk.”
“Ballet,” said Doug. “Sure! Here on the Moon it must be terrific.”
I’m not very good, even in low gravity.”
“How do you know, if you don’t let anybody see you?”
“Every time I fall down, I know!”
Doug didn’t laugh. He could tell from the tone of her voice that this was very precious to Rhee.
Softly, he said, “I hope ybu’ll let me see you dance sometime, Bianca.”
He waited for her reply, but she said nothing. So he said, “You’re the only one in the whole base smart enough to find me.”
“I checked with the airlock monitors,” she said, sounding relieved. “They keep a record of everybody who goes out.”
“And comes in,” Doug added. The crew monitoring the main airlock didn’t know that Doug was supposed to be in the infirmary. They had allowed him outside after only a cursory check of the computerized files.
“You must be feeling awfully good to come out here,” Rhee said cheerfully, clambering back up to the driver’s seat.
And Doug realized, She must feel awfully strong about me to come out looking for me. It can’t be impersonal, after all. It never is.
“Bianca,” he asked as he climbed up into the tractor beside her, “how long are you going to be here at Moonbase?”
“My tour’s over at the end of the month. That’s when the new semester starts.”
“Well,” Doug said carefully, “we’ve got a couple of weeks to get acquainted, then.”
He could hear her breath catch, over the suit radio. Then she said, “That’d be fine.”
I can’t tell her anything, Doug knew, but at least I can have a friend to unwind with. Somebody to help keep me sane.
“Uh…’ How to say it without hurting her feelings? “You know, it’s good to have a friend here. I really don’t know anyone else in Moonbase.”
“There’s Killifer,” she said lightly.
“He’s leaving tomorrow.”
“Really?” She sounded completely surprised.
“Really.”
“Well, your brother’s here now, isn’t he?”
“Half brother.” Doug felt his insides clench. “And I hardly know him. He’s always… we’ve never been close.”
He heard her chuckling. “What’s so funny?”
“Oh, I was just thinking about some of the other women here. They’ll be green with envy.”
“Bianca, it isn’t going to be like that.”
“They’ll say I’m robbing the cradle,” she went on, happily ignoring him. “After all, I’m almost five years older than you.”
Doug shook his head inside the helmet. “I’ve aged a lot since coming to Moonbase,” he said. And he hoped that he could keep her as a friend without crushing her dreams.
“You never told me about Greg.”
Doug could see the sudden alarm in his mother’s eyes. They were having dinner together in the suite Anson had turned over to Joanna: a sparse microwaved meal of bland precooked veal that Joanna had commandeered from the stores at The Cave.
“What about Greg?” she asked, from across the round table that Anson had used for conferences in her office.
Despite the roaring emotions blazing in him, Doug still had an appetite. He chewed carefully on a thin slice of veal while his mother watched him, waiting.
Doug put his fork down and said, “Greg murdered my father.”
She did not look surprised. Only tired. Suddenly his mother looked utterly weary.
“He did, didn’t he?” Doug asked, keeping his voice low, not screaming out the accusation the way he wanted to.
“He was terribly sick,” Joanna said. “He didn’t really understand—”
“Don’t lie for him,” Doug snapped. “He killed my father. Killifer helped him. I know the whole story.”
“The whole story? Do you? Do you know what kind of childhood Greg had? How abusive his father was to both of us? Do you know how hard he’s struggled over these past eighteen years to atone for what he did?”
“Atone?”
“Greg’s gone through hell and purgatory to overcome the feelings that led him to… to—”
“Murder,” Doug said, uncompromising.
Tears were glimmering in Joanna’s eyes but she fought them back. “That’s right, murder. He killed your father. My husband. The man I loved.”
“The father I never knew.”
“I knew him. I loved your father.”
Doug saw what she wanted to say. “But you loved Greg, too. You couldn’t let your son be arrested for murder.”
“He was so sick,” Joanna said, suddenly pleading. “Don’t you understand, he would never have done anything like that if he’d been well. He was in torment every day of his life.”
“So you helped him.”
“I protected him. I got him the best medical help on Earth. He worked, Douglas. He went through hell—”
“And purgatory.”
She shook her head. “You just don’t know. How could you? For years and years and years Greg struggled and worked to overcome his feelings. He’s accomplished so much! He’s come so far.”
“He’s come to the Moon.”
“He’s your brother,” Joanna said.
“Half brother.”
“You’re both my sons. I love you both. I don’t want you to hate him. That’s why I never told you.”
“Didn’t you think I’d find out one day?”
Joanna waved one hand in the air, still clutching her fork. “One day, yes. Some day. But I didn’t mink it would happen so soon.”
“Is that why you kept us apart all these years? Because you were afraid I’d find out?”
“I don’t know,” Joanna said. “No, I don’t think so. At first, when you were an infant, I worried that Greg might be jealous of you. He was in heavy therapy then and I felt it was best to keep him away from you. Later…’ Her voice died away; she seemed lost in the past.
“I’ve told Killifer to resign and take early retirement,” said Doug flatly.
“All right. Fine.”
“What are you going to do about Greg?”
She looked at him sharply. “What do you mean?”
“I’m stuck here at Moonbase indefinitely. Greg’s the new base director.”
“I can’t send Greg back to Earth. It would look as if I had fired him as director before he even started.”
Doug spread his hands. “So we’re going to be here together then.”
From the expression on her face it seemed to Doug that his mother hadn’t thought about it before. She was silent for long moments.
“You’re right,” she said at last. I’ll have to stay here, too.”
“You?”
Nodding as if she had made up her mind irrevocably, Joanna said, I’ll resign as chair of the board of directors and live here. For the coming year, at least.”
Doug stared at her and saw the determination in her eyes. “To keep between Greg and me.”
To bring the two of you together,” Joanna said, almost desperately. “I love you both and I don’t want you to hate each other.”
“You’re asking a lot.”
“Don’t you see, Doug? It was my fault, too. I’m his mother. Whatever Greg’s done, I bear a responsibility for it.”
“You didn’t murder anybody.”
“But I didn’t stop him from doing it! I didn’t raise him well enough to keep him from murder.”
“That’s like blaming Hitler’s mother for the Holocaust,” Doug snapped.
“I didn’t pay enough attention to him. And when I met your father — how betrayed Greg must have felt.”
“The criminal as victim,” Doug muttered.
Joanna pointed at him with the fork. “Douglas, if you hate your brother for what he did, you’ll also be hating me. He’s my son, as much as you are, and what he did is my fault, too.”
Doug felt drained, exhausted, almost the way he had felt up at the mountaintop with Brennart. My father, Brennart, even Zimmerman’s leaving Tie. I can’t lose her too; I can’t drive.
My mother away from me. She wants to live up here, to be with me. And Greg, too, but still—