I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. I knew I was two seconds away from crying and when I did, it would be worth every single fucking tear.
"So I told her," he said. "I told her everything. I told her all about you. About our date. And about how I fucked it up. I told her that I came here all the time because I was just hoping that one day, the girl of my dreams was going to walk through those doors and forgive me for being an asshole. That you we're going to come in and tell me that it was okay. That you'd give me another chance to make it right. Because I needed that. I needed you. And I sat here, in this exact chair, for hours, and poured my heart out to her. Because no one else would get it, Amanda. No one else would understand how one fucking night with a virtual stranger changed me. How I never wanted to be close to anybody my entire life. Not until I met you."
I knew the tears were flowing, I could feel the wetness on my face but I couldn't move a muscle. I couldn't breathe through the ache in my heart. And I still couldn't tear my eyes away from his.
"How long?" I asked him.
"What?"
"How long were you coming in here, waiting for me to show up?"
"Every day until the day I saw you at the library."
TWENTY SEVEN
Logan
She didn't speak to me the rest of the day, or night. She hadn’t even spoken to me at all since we left the bookstore. Chantal—the owner of the store, gave me this sad, pathetic smile when we left. That was yesterday.
The team doc said that I had to rest my hand for a few days, so when Nathan called to tell me he was back from whatever business he had to attend out of town—I figured it was the perfect opportunity for me to go and see him.
I opened the bedroom door and practically walked into her. She was lugging a huge gear bag behind her. It looked heavy as hell. I stepped forward and took it from her hands. She resisted, but only for a second. "Where do you want it?"
She laughed. "The bus stop." It came out as a question.
"What?" I chuckled. "Where the hell are you going with this thing?"
"Uh." She hesitated for a second, "Home."
She's leaving? "What? Why?" I rushed out. I don't want her to leave. If anyone was moving out it was me.
My emotion must've been evident because her eyes widened slightly, "No, Logan. Just uh, just for the night."
"Oh." My shoulders relaxed. Then a grin took over my face.
An hour later she was in the passenger seat, and we were driving home. It was awkward. She was on her phone, a concentrated look on her face. She wore those short denim cut offs she always wore. My eyes kept drifting to her legs. I couldn’t help it. They're that fucking amazing.
Without warning, a crack of thunder sounded and rain started bucketing down. She sat up, putting the phone away.
"You want me to pull over?"
"Um, no. You don't have to. I'm sure you have things you need to do at home."
I pulled the car over on the side of the road. You could barely see anything around. Her knee started bouncing, most likely from nerves. She bit her thumb, looking around.
I leaned over to adjust her seat to laying position; we may as well get comfortable. She tensed when my body covered hers. When she was settled, I did the same with mine.
Then we lay there, on our sides, in silence, facing each other.
"It's funny," she whispered, loud enough to hear over the sound of the rain pounding against the metal. "It's like we're in our own little bubble."
She closed her eyes, her lips trembling.
She was afraid.
My hand reached out and touched the side of her face. She leaned into it, her eyes still closed.
"Logan," she whispered, quieter this time.
She opened her eyes.
Then I felt it—that ache in my chest—but it was different this time.
And this—this is the moment.
The moment I let myself fall completely in love with her.
I let out all the air in my lungs, "I didn't call you because I thought I was in love with Mikayla."
"What?" she squeaked out, sitting up a little.
I swallowed. My heart thud against my chest. This could make or break us.
I knew I could lose her forever.
I shifted and lay on my back. My arm covered my eyes. I couldn't watch her face when I told her the reason why she had to experience all that pain. All the pain I caused.
So I told her.
I told her about running into Micky at the store on the way to see her. I told her about the pregnancy scare and taking her to see Dad. I told her about the next day, when I was so fucking excited to see her, but when I opened the door to leave, Micky was there. I told her how she cried about missing her family. About how I held her as she did. I even told her the exact moment I thought I felt something.
She stayed quiet, even when I was done speaking. I was shit scared to face her, so for minutes, we just sat there, silence filling our own little bubble.
Then she cleared her throat.
I finally moved my arm and opened one eye to look at her.
She was watching me.
I turned to my side and faced her again. "I'm sorry, Amanda."
She faced the roof. "Ethan was hit by a car." She spoke so quietly, I almost didn't hear her. "Actually, he pushed me out of the way, and got hit by a car. We were twelve. I was stupid. I didn't even look. It was raining. Just like this." Her voice was strained. She sniffed once. "That's why I'm scared of the rain. Everyone has their reasons. It may seem stupid, Logan, but to me, it's enough." Her eyes lifted to meet mine. "Do you still have feelings for her?"
I stupidly nodded.
Her face changed.
"Not like that," I said quickly. "Not in that way. I never did, Amanda. I was just stupid, and confused. But no—I never had those types of feelings for her."
A huge gust of wind caused the car to shake. She reached her hand out to grip my arm. Her eyes snapped shut. "Come here," I said, helping her move until her body was on top of mine, my arms around her. Exactly where she belonged.
Another gust of wind.
She tensed.
I held her tighter.
A pained sound escaped her.
"Am I hurting you?" I stroked her hair.
"No," she said into my chest. "You're healing me."
***
I could feel my heart thumping against my chest. She must've felt it too, because she raised her head to meet my eyes, "Your heart is going a million miles."
"Mm," I hummed in agreement. My eyes were closed. My breath was shaky. I placed a hand on the back of her head, trying to get her to resume her position.
She resisted. "Logan?" she tried to get my attention.