“Stop,” she said, and her voice came out in a whisper. “Please, stop.”
The light seemed to gather in on itself and moments later it subsided, and there set her son, small, fragile, nearly swallowed by the chair he was sitting in.
“Did I do it?” Wren asked.
Cass nodded, inhaled, tried to calm her pounding heart. “Yeah, baby,” she answered. “You did it.”
“I think there’s an easier way than what Lil said.”
And then, unexpectedly, Wren hopped up out of his chair and came over to her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nestled his head against her stomach. Cass draped her arms over his back and hugged him. She hoped he couldn’t tell she was trembling.
“I really love you a lot, Mama,” he said.
“I really love you a lot, Wren.” The contrast was almost shocking. The suddenness of it had surprised her, but she wasn’t about to question the moment. It warmed her to hear him say it first.
“I’m hungry,” he said.
“OK. Let’s see what we can find.”
“OK.”
She took his hand, and they walked together towards the mess hall. And the whole way, she tried to fight back the tears.
Cass had always known her son was special and capable of great things, things beyond her imagining. And she had been afraid for him countless times. Afraid of what others might try to do to him, or force him to do — afraid of what the world had in store. But for the first time in her life, she had to face the fact that she was afraid of him. She had glimpsed him in power, and Cass knew without a doubt that whatever lay ahead, Wren would one day be beyond any need, or want, of her help. And that day might be much, much sooner than she had imagined.
TWENTY-TWO
Wren lay on his bed, watching the dust particles float above him in the pale light that came in through the high slot window. The first rays of dawn. Almost time to go.
He had it all figured out. At least as best as he could. The night before, he’d carefully given his guardians some casually vague and different ideas about where and with whom he’d be spending his time that morning. As long as everyone thought someone else was watching him, it ought to buy him a little time. It wouldn’t work forever, of course. At some point two of them would run into each other, each thinking Wren was supposed to be with the other. After that it would be just a matter of time for it to all fall apart. But there was a chance they’d think there had just been some kind of mix-up, and maybe they’d spend a little time looking for him before anyone guessed what he’d really done.
It was an old trick he’d learned from his time in the governor’s compound, and though he usually ended up getting caught at some point, it’d almost always bought him at least an hour or two of peace and quiet. Wren hoped he could get that much of a head start, if not more.
Mama would be frightened, of course. And probably furious. The whole team would be. Wren didn’t even want to think about what Swoop would say. Or do, if he ever caught him. But there was no other way. None of them would ever let him go back to Morningside on his own. And he couldn’t let them come with him. It was too dangerous for them, though they’d never admit it.
He’d thought about talking to them about it. About telling them what he thought was going on and what he had to do to stop it. But he was afraid that once he mentioned it, not only would they not let him go back, they’d be extra careful and always be watching him. Or they’d delay him, and try to make plans they thought were best. And Wren knew without a doubt that Asher was searching for him, and that anywhere he stayed for any amount of time was in danger. Even now he wanted to convince himself that maybe if he just talked to the right person, they’d agree that he was right. Able, maybe, or Wick. But in his heart he knew he’d never convince anyone. They still called him “Governor”, but it’d been a long time since anyone had treated Wren like he had any sort of say.
And so he’d decided to keep it a secret. Just long enough to get away. He had to. There was no choice. If Asher was in the machine, then someone had to figure out a way to get him out. And there was no one else that could do it but Wren.
He already knew the way. Wick had shown him where they were, and the fastest way to get back to Morningside. And he was confident he could make it in one day, as long as he started out early enough. The trickiest part would just be getting out.
His bag was already packed at the foot of his bed. It had still been mostly packed anyway, since he hadn’t ever unpacked it after they got back from Ninestory. He tried not to think too much about how that had turned out. And yet, he knew it was just the beginning. Unless he did what he had to do.
He reached beneath his pillow and slipped his knife out from under it. It’d become less of a weapon to him. More of a… well, Wren didn’t quite know the word for it. There was strength in it, somehow.
It was time. Even just thinking about it, Wren’s heart started pounding, and he felt a little like he was going to throw up. He slipped out of bed as quietly as he could, and started putting on his boots. He’d slept in his clothes, so getting dressed wouldn’t be a problem. Carefully he moved his pack and coat right over next to the door. Now the tricky part. Saying goodbye to his mama.
Wren tucked his knife into its sheath on his belt, and wiped his hands on his shirt. He knew if he didn’t wake his mother up before he slipped out, she’d come looking for him as soon as she woke up. But getting out of the room with his stuff once she was awake might be tough, too.
He crept to her bedside and for a moment just watched her sleeping. She was on her side, facing the wall, breathing deeply and steadily. Wren’s throat went tight, and he clenched his hands into fists. He took a deep breath, exhaled through his mouth, hoping that would loosen the lump. Reached out and gently tapped her on the shoulder.
She didn’t stir. He tapped again.
“Mama,” Wren said, a little louder than a whisper, and his voice came out sounding like he was about to cry. Cass reacted instantly, twisting in her bed and sitting up partially, her eyes wide for a long moment. Then she settled back and turned more completely around towards him, supporting herself on her left arm.
“Hey, sweetheart,” she said, voice heavy with sleep. She reached out and squeezed his arm. “You OK?”
“Yeah,” he said, and his voice felt steadier. “I’m going to get something to eat.”
She blinked at him through unfocused eyes. “It’s early.”
He nodded. “I can’t go back to sleep.”
“OK,” Cass said. She rubbed one eye with the palm of her hand. “Let me get dressed.”
“No, it’s OK, Mama. I can do it.”
She looked at him for a moment. “You sure?”
Wren tried to give a casual nod, like it was no big deal, but felt like he couldn’t remember how to make a casual face. She yawned and blinked several times. Her left eye watered.
“You should sleep, Mama,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”
“Alright, baby,” she said. “I’ll get up in a little bit. I think I’m still feeling the effects of whatever Mouse gave me.”
“It’s fine,” Wren said. She looked at him again a little harder than he liked, but then she gave him a little smile. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, and gave her a big hug. He tried not to hold her for too long, but once he’d started, it was hard to stop. “I love you.”
She kissed him back and held him with one arm. “Love you too.”
With one final squeeze, Wren let go and stepped back. He stayed by her bed for a moment, waiting for her to lie back down, but she didn’t. He turned and went to the door. Glanced back over his shoulder. She was still watching him. He gave her a little smile and a wave and opened the door. When he turned back to pull it closed, she was still up on her arm. He’d hoped he could slide his pack through without her noticing, but there was no chance of that now. He pulled the door to, but held on to the handle, and counted to ten. Then decided to make it twenty.