“I suppose it is. Julia’s our friend, Amanda. For God’s sake, David put out a fire in this house today, the least I can...”
“Yes,” Amanda said.
“So?”
Amanda did not answer. As he went out of the house, she said, “Be careful.”
He found David in the third bar he tried. The bar was a wood cabin set some fifty feet off the state highway between Lake Abundance and Talmadge. A few dozen automobiles were parked in the gravel parking lot. A neon sign smothered with moths blinked in the summer night, advertising the name of the place, and the single legend DANCING. A cocktail glass fizzing with bubbles decorated one corner of the sign. From within the roadhouse, Matthew could hear a jukebox oozing a Frank Sinatra tune. He opened the door and stepped into the smoky room. There were booths on one side of the table, and a long bar on the other side, stretching from just inside the entrance door to the far wall, which held, in sequence, the door to the kitchen, a telephone booth, the ladies’ room, and the men’s room. David was sitting on a stool close to the entrance door. Matthew climbed onto the stool next to his.
“Hi,” Matthew said.
David turned and studied Matthew with the careful scrutiny of a man who is unwilling to commit himself.
“Ain’t nothing lasts from here to eternity,” he said.
“Maybe not,” Matthew answered.
“No maybes about it,” David said, and he nodded his head exaggeratedly. “Nothing. The world is ephemeral.”
“Listen, how would you like to go home?” Matthew said.
“What for?”
“Your mother’s worried about you.”
“Oh, yeah?” David began laughing. “She’s too late. She should’ve worried about me a long time ago.”
“Yeah, well come on, finish your drink and—”
“Listen, go take a walk, Matthew.”
“Let’s take a walk together.”
“No, listen, you go take a walk all by yourself. I’m pretty happy right where I am. Go on, go take a walk.”
“No, I’ll stay with you!”
“I don’t trust guys with mustaches.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t. You need a shave.” David paused. “That’s just what he said to me. ‘You need a haircut, Regan. And shine those shoes.’”
“Who said that?”
“A friend of mine,” David answered. “Long time ago. Nineteen... forty-three?” He opened his eyes wide in amazement. “You know that’s ten years ago? You know that?”
“That’s right.” Matthew signaled the bartender and said, “A bourbon on the rocks.”
“You going to join me?”
“If I can’t fight you, I might as well.”
“Mister, you can’t fight it,” David said.
“I guess not.”
“What the hell’re you agreeing with me? You don’t even know what I’m talking about, and you’re agreeing.”
“All right, what is it you can’t fight?”
“The pattern, the design.”
The bartender brought Matthew’s drink, and he picked it up.
“Cheers,” David said.
“Cheers,” Matthew said, and he drank.
“That’s right, the pattern,” David said. “The same design. There ain’t nothing you can do to change it. It’s a big cycle.”
“That’s right,” Matthew said.
“You’re agreeing again, and you still don’t know what the hell I mean.”
“You mean life is a cycle, don’t you? There’s a certain pattern to it, an over-all design.”
“That’s right,” David said, nodding.
“And it’s difficult to break away from the pattern.”
“Not difficult, impossible. Because nothing lasts.”
“Some things last.”
“Nothing. Listen, did she last, huh?”
“Did who last?”
“What’s her name? You know.”
“No, I don’t know.”
“Gillian,” David said. “That’s right. Gillian.”
“I knew a Gillian once.”
“There’s only one Gillian in the world, so it must have been her. Gillian Burke. That the one?”
“That’s the one,” Matthew said.
“Right! Nothing lasts, and the world is rotten.”
“That’s a pretty cynical attitude, David.”
“Hey, how come you know my name?”
“We’ve met before,” Matthew said, and he smiled.
David leaned closer to him. “Oh, yeah. That’s right. Why don’t you shave off that mustache? Jesus!”
“My wife likes it,” Matthew said.
“You married? Oh, yeah, Amanda, that’s right. Beautiful girl. Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“That’s who makes the pattern,” David said. “Girls. Women.”
“I guess so.”
“Who else gives birth to babies, huh? That’s what does it, right? Putting people on earth, right? So that’s where it starts.”
“Right,” Matthew said.
“So why should it also finish it?”
“I don’t think I follow you.”
“Why do they kill us?”
“I’m not sure they do.”
“No? Oh, no?” David’s voice lowered menacingly. “Then who killed him, huh? Who was it killed him, huh? If it wasn’t her, who was it, then? Would you mind telling me?”
“I don’t know,” Matthew said.
“Have another drink.”
“No, I think I’ll—”
“Bartender, bring my friend here another whatever-the-hell-it-is.”
“Bourbon?” the bartender said. “One bourbon, right.”
“Okay,” Matthew answered, and he shrugged.
“And another brandy on the rocks,” David said. “You know who killed him?”
“Who?”
“She did. You know where she went?”
“Where?”
“Bidili. In the Bahamas.”
“Bimini, you mean.”
“I said Bidili, diddle I?” David said, and burst out laughing. “That’s a joke. I set you up for that one. Where’s my drink?” He looked at the bar and said, “Oh, there you are, you little bastard.” He picked up the glass. “Left me dead, went off to Bimini. Now that’s an example. I was born with her.”
“Who?”
“Gillian. Born. Absolutely. No question about it. And then what? She killed me. That’s the cycle, buddy. You’re born, and you die.”
“That’s for sure,” Matthew said.
“Cheers. Did I say cheers already?”
“No.”
“Well, cheers.” Both men drank from their fresh drinks. “Now that’s what’s funny about it, Matthew. It’s funny that the same thing that gives life could also kill. I think that’s pretty funny.”
“I don’t think it’s funny at all,” Matthew said.
“No?” David looked surprised. “Well, I think it’s pretty mystifying.”
Matthew drained his glass and said, “Women are only women, David. There’s nothing mystifying about that.”
“I think having a baby is very mystifying. Can you have a baby?”
“No.”
“Neither can I.” David shrugged. “That’s the goddamn mystery of the century, ain’t it? I think it’s pretty spooky, to tell the truth.”
“Well, yes, but—”
“Now, look, I’m going to tell you something. There’s life and death right there, buddy. In one person. It’s like she eats her young, I’m telling you. Life and death.”
“You sound as if you don’t like women,” Matthew said.
“I love women.”
“Then why are you saying they’re murderers?”