‘Yeah, yeah, yeah.’ I’m getting bored with this whole shebang. ‘Oh hey, I can see it from here.’
‘Where?’
‘No, no, don’t sit up.’ I point and watch the LG billboard flashing through its routine. Smiley models selling consumer electronics and cars. ‘Trust me. It’s going out all over the city. I’m surprised they haven’t sent out the helicopters yet.’
‘Good. That’s good. That’s…’ he feels for my hand, ‘important, Toby.’
I grasp his hand in both of mine.
‘Do you think Ashraf is watching? Will you tell Emmie? It’s, it’s… I’m doing it for the baby.’
‘China, I don’t know what you’re on about. You just hang in there, Ten. Get your strength up, then you can finish the cast.’ He looks up at me with painful gratitude.
I’m so looking forward to him pulling out of this whole dying swan mode, and how stupid he’s going to feel when he does. On a whim, I hit record on the BabyStrange anyway. It might just record something. Keep in mind, kids, it’s always good to catch humiliating moments live.
Tendeka
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Not so bad, not so bad. Had food poisoning once. Worse. Like someone twisted my guts round a fork. Like spaghetti. Can’t open my eyes. Too bright. Light hurts. Climbing into my head. Breath is liquid. Can’t find my pump. Where’s my fucking pump? But it’s casting already. If I could open my fucking eyes. If. I could see the fucking adboards, hundreds of them. All fucking casting already. Casting us dying. Capturing our death. Captive audience. Me and Toby, of all people. Everything clenches. Jesus fucking motherfucking Christ! Every muscle. Squeezing. Doing damage inside. I can feel it. My muscles spasming. Too fucking tight. Too. Christ. Toby, I’ve changed my mind. Toby. FUCK! I’ve changed my mind. I want… Toby’s wrist is glowing green. Try to grab it. Show him. Tell him, cos I’ve figured it. What was I—? The cast. The cast. The fucking cast. No one will be able to ignore or suppress it. Going out. Not this. Not anymore. FUCK! I have to chill, I have to relax. I have to fucking relax. Fuck fucking fuck. I have to relax. The spasms in waves now. Clench. Un. Clench. Something rips free inside me. Mouth full of molten copper. I can taste the light. Force my eyes open. The city is shimmering. Red and blue and green, like Christmas. Like skyward* said. Worth it. It’s okay. Ash’s gonna be so proud.
Lerato
‘Are we done fucking around now?’
It’s the first time I’ve ever heard her swear, and she does it so level, so cold, not even bothering to raise her voice, it’s like a slap. They’ve played me, given me just enough rope to loop around my neck.
‘I won’t testify.’
‘You don’t have to. That’s taken care of.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Everyone involved in the incident has handed themselves in already. And those that haven’t…’ She doesn’t even bother to shrug, as if that would commit too much energy. ‘Well, they’ve made that choice. Now your choice, if you want to call it that…’
A door opens across the lounge and Stefan strolls in. Behind him, I can see a bank of monitors, a screen showing the inside of the lounge. He’s been watching all along, the whole show. Defeat tastes like sour milk.
Jane takes some unspoken cue and stands up. The deference in her manner makes me suddenly, badly scared. I didn’t know it was possible to be even more scared. She snaps her fingers impatiently at the man with the gun and he turns to follow her out, along with the dogs.
‘Good luck,’ she mouths at me, as the lift doors close, leaving me and Stefan alone. The SIM is starting to get really uncomfortable now.
‘No papaya mojitos today, I’m afraid.’
‘So, are you Mr. Wall Street?’ I glance at the window. I would stand up to face him, but I don’t trust my legs to support me, or for that matter, my heart not to burst.
He laughs. ‘I’d very much like to hope we’re beyond that stage. We haven’t come this far with you to… waste your potential. No, I’m the closer.’
‘Ah yes.’ My mind fails to come up with a snappy comeback. ‘And here I thought you were in recruitment.’
‘You could say that. You’re an exceptionally bright woman. We’re quite in awe of your work – and your arrogance. It borders on pathological. But you’re remarkably inventive: the faked phonecalls for spyware, the backdoors in the adboards, circumventing the diagnostics reportback feed! Unfortunately you missed the obvious. The oldschool search function – or didn’t you know admin could request info at any time? It was fluke, of course, a random inspection that did you in. You got around all our security systems, but not a human being. You see, you’re not the first to try to steal data, siphoning it off through the backdoor. Although you’re the first to get our own technicians to install it. That was ingenious, we all agreed. Your only mistake was thinking we wouldn’t notice.’
‘What would I say that would make a difference at this junction? I still want a lawyer.’
He nods to himself, a tight little nod, as if he’s decided something. ‘Let me lay it out for you, Lerato. You keep your job. Things carry on exactly as per normal. Three months from now, you will be transferred to Mumbai, into another department. Your contact with your former coworkers and Zamajobe and Siphokazi will dwindle away. You’ll be too busy to correspond, and within a couple of months, they’ll stop bothering. It’s not like you have any meaningful relationships anyway.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You’re being promoted. Unless you’d rather…’ He tilts his chin at the window and smiles. He’s smiling because he knows that even though I can’t refuse – considering the unscheduled flight that would entail – I wouldn’t anyway. But I’m still apprehensive.
‘What would this reassignment be?’
‘It’s sensitive. Government linked. But you already know that. Doing what you’ve been doing, all that subversive stuff you so perversely enjoy. We feel we haven’t been challenging you sufficiently. We feel you’re ready for more responsibility.’
He hands me a page of twelve names. I recognise one immediately.
Tendeka would too.
Stefan sees my face and smirks. ‘Defusers just aren’t enough any more. You know that, with your little workarounds. But any action is justified in a state under terrorist threat.’
‘You just have to create your own terrorists.’
‘Smart girl. You’ll be running several identities, posting, inciting, organising. Whatever is required. Let’s just say you’re on the up. Heading skywards.’
And it makes perfect sense. The process has to be managed. Fear has to be managed. Fear has to be controlled.
Like people.
Kendra
It’s not a toothpaste commercial. The Inatec building is clinical, military, with double doors for gurneys leading past wards and theatres, the corridors painted a cool mint, and rows of metal cages like you see at the vet, all standing empty.
‘Prisoners out on parole?’ I say to defuse the silence bristling under the hum of machinery and the muffled clop of our shoes on the polished floors.
‘Ha.’ Andile snickers. Dr. Precious sniffs daintily.
I persist. ‘Kinda creepy, though. Where is everybody?’ But what I’m really thinking is, where are the dogs?
‘Sunday, babes. Or are you on a different schedule? Ah, here we are. Come on.’ He makes scooting motions with his hands towards a small theatre with a biohazard sign on the door. There is a cubicle to one side, with a curtain the same colour as the walls, a catscan machine and a sonogram, and other equipment I can’t readily identify.