Alexandra shook her head in disagreement. “It’s not you. Which is probably the oldest line in the book, but I'm dead serious. Have you ever felt helpless? Like truly helpless? You know what needs to be done, but you don’t know if the tools at your disposal are enough to make it work.”
He considered her question, but couldn’t think of a situation where there was nothing he could do. There was always something to do. “Are you sure it’s helplessness?”
“I don’t know.” She sighed and he threw his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer. “My job is amazing sometimes. I’m following in my father’s footsteps with a profession that would make him proud.” He tamped down his argument about the greatness of her father. She was working without all the information, and Roman didn’t want to burst her bubble.
“Sometimes, the weight of having people’s lives in my hand is overwhelming and stressful. I always believe I’m Superwoman. Until I’m not. I messed up at work today, and my boss yelled at me because it’s one of our biggest accounts. He told me if I wanted to be partner, I should show him I’m capable. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place because I acted in response to my client, but I can’t blame him. I’m supposed to deal with it, no questions asked, but I’m not immune to basic human fallacies.”
“Would anyone else have handled it differently?” She laid her head on his shoulder and shrugged, the movement awkward because she was under his arm. “I’m asking because if you did the best you could given the situation, you don’t have anything to feel guilty about. It doesn’t matter what your boss or anyone else says.”
“That was just this afternoon.” She sighed. “I haven’t even begun to cover my morning, where a big, fat reality check slapped me in the face and told me I have to be on my A-game or else I’m going to fuck up someone’s life.”
He rubbed her arms when she shivered, trying to provide comfort or warmth, whichever she needed. “Have you ever sat above the city and watched people?”
“Not really. This is my first time.”
“So I popped your skyline cherry?” He couldn’t resist; she’d walked right into that one. She turned her head into his chest, but not before he saw the blush.
“You don’t have to rub it in.”
“Yes, I do. A girl’s first time is important.” He imagined her rolling her eyes at that one, but kept quiet. “But as I was saying before you granted my wish, look down there.” He watched the flashes of light rushing through the streets, as though they couldn’t wait to get to their destination. “What do you see? Besides The Flash?”
“It looks like a ball of chaos,” she observed. “Over there,” she pointed at one area, “you have a bunch of people stuck in traffic. While in other parts,” she gestured to other places, “you have people rushing around almost like animals at a feeding trough—pushing and passing to get where they need to be.”
“Exactly,” he began. “You see all these flashes of light running around, going who knows where? Who even cares? Everybody’s running around, searching for something. Even people who are stuck in traffic. Seeking home, pleasure, their next fix. They may be escaping, seeking shelter from their pain, or from those who harm them. Or they may be stuck in a situation they have limited control over. What they all have in common, despite their reasons, is they’re all moving. Hopefully forward, but sometimes you have to either go back or stay in place for a minute before you can go forward. Today may have been a setback, but that’s all it was, and so long as you keep moving toward your goal you’re going to accomplish what you want. You’re too determined not to.”
“Spoken from experience?”
“Me?” He wanted to tell her then, spill his guts about why he really wanted the house, but she wasn’t a neutral party he could unload on who could offer insight about how to proceed. She was related to one of the people he hated the most, and the sole reason he wanted to obtain the house. He refused to burden her with his issues when she was so weighted down by her own. “Nah, I just surpass the competition.”
“Cocky.” She grinned, the first genuine smile he’d seen from her all night. Even when he was pounding inside her, he could tell she’d been disengaged, her mind a million miles away.
“Maybe,” he conceded, “but at least I get stuff done.”
“Speaking of,” she hedged. “I should apologize for the other day. You did nothing wrong, and I got spooked for some reason and wanted space. My reasons are my own, and there’s no excuse. I will try my best not to do it again.”
“Do what again?” he asked for clarification, because there were quite a few things she did in the last couple days. “Run out on me? Ignore me like we’re ten and I stole your toy on the playground? Text me in desperation? Or have sex with me again?”
She narrowed her eyes, lips pursed in frustration. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a bit annoying sometimes?”
“I’m honest,” he corrected. “I would apologize if it pisses you off, but I’m not sorry. I don’t pull punches for anyone, even someone who looks as good in a skirt as you do.”
“You have to understand, I’d never even been to a sex club before a couple weeks ago. When I woke up alone, I ran through the many issues I could have with my job, and I got scared. I’m a bit neurotic, have been since I was a teenager, and I’m trying to change. It’s one of the reasons I’m good at my job, but sometimes it fucks with my head and I can’t see the forest for the trees. And I guess you got me to talk without my wanting to,” she ended on a laugh.
Thinking about her statement, he knew they’d had sex once, but only once, and it would be easy enough to pull the plug. He considered how much he wanted to bulldoze the damn house, but it was more. He remembered the buttoned-up woman who came to him a few weeks ago, the same one who came out again when she texted him, and figured he didn’t want to be anywhere but there. She had a lot of shit to work out, without him, but he couldn’t shake her loose. The thought of her trying to find another random guy who’d treat her like shit just because she wanted sex did not sit well with him.
“We don’t have to like each other or exchange cute little text messages throughout the day to have sex. I do think we could at least be friends, maybe even be seen out. It would make it easier if someone sees us together since we can brush it off as dinner with a friend. Tonight, I needed confirmation you worked through your shit before we started up again. If you aren’t cool with it, we can just brush it off, say we got laid tonight, and keep it moving.”
The look of panic was more telling than any words she could have muttered. “I’d like to try again.”
“Okay,” he agreed. “But here on out, we meet at the club. It will help make sure we keep this professional.” And I’ll remember why wishing for more with you is a bad idea.
“That works.”
“Good.” He nodded, watching the city lights making her brown hair sparkle, and he couldn’t resist her. “Now, how about we seal this friendship with a kiss.” He cupped the sides of her head with both hands and pulled her close. Her hands came up to grip his wrists as their lips met, giving no resistance as he deepened the kiss. He leaned over her until she was lying on the car and he was almost on top of her. Alexandra’s hands gripped his shoulders, and she squeezed him so he moved back.
“Are you planning on having sex on top of your car again?” she asked with a smile.
“Nope.” He gave her a smacking kiss. “We’re going to have sex in the back of my car.”
She looked dubious. “Have you seen the size of the backseat?”
“Come on. You’re the one who agreed we weren’t going anywhere tonight, and you are hell-bent on not having sex on my car again. Let’s go in the back,” he whispered. She allowed him to take her hand while leading her to the car.