His hands cupped her face, kissing her forehead. She couldn’t grasp the notion her father would leave her mother. This was worse than when she’d found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. Like he held all her dreams in her hand, ground them into dust, and let them float away on their way to the ground. “My parents were happy.”
He kissed her forehead, one arm wrapped around her while his hand guided her head to his chest. She felt the comforting beat of his heartbeat underneath her ear and held on to him as though he were the last driftwood between her and drowning in the raging river. She wouldn’t contemplate how Roman felt more like home than she’d ever anticipated.
“Can you be sure what went on in your parents’ marriage? How old were you when he died?”
“Eight,” she whispered into his chest. “I’m not getting into their marriage with you but if you hated your biological mother, it doesn’t explain why you want the house.”
“I’m going to destroy it.” She flinched at the vehemence in his words. “No matter how flawed, she was my birth mother, and your father took her and twisted all her dreams. He made her believe they were going to be together. He and the damn house drove her crazy and destroyed anything she could have been. She wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, and kept talking about how she couldn’t leave the house because of him. She came to me after your father died, swearing he hadn’t, and all we needed to do was wait a bit and he’d come back to her. I tried to explain it wasn’t even her house but she swore up and down your father wanted her there and I guessed no one was using it.” Alexandra moved away from him, rubbing her chest where she felt the pain from his words. Roman continued as though she wasn’t freaking out at his newest revelation. No way was her father still alive.
“We both know it was a lie, but your damn father gave her hope, and as the months rolled by, it never sunk in with her. And I hated him. I know it may have been irrational, but he deserved my anger. My biological mother was weak, and he’d manipulated her. I overheard him the weekend we were there, telling someone on the phone he was enjoying his mint. She would be a great addition to his startup company. He was going to use her, and Trina was building castles in the sky.”
The pounding in her ears was too much; she could barely hear, let alone function with all the information Roman had just thrown at her. She walked to the bed, sitting before she fell over. She’d entered into an agreement with a man who hated her father—the one man she’d always worshipped without question—stolen from her before she really had a chance to know him. The more she saw about her hero, the worse she felt, but she needed to know the true extent of him. “What company?”
Roman shrugged. His face gave nothing away, and she’d give a million dollars to read his thoughts. “He never said, although he mentioned another star she’d worked with before. He looked up and saw me watching and told the other guy he would call him back. Then he patted me on the back and told me I couldn’t tell my mother what I’d heard. I assumed it was something dealing with the adult film industry. She quit when she started dating your father, but when she came to pick us up from my aunt, my true mother, she said everyone was clamoring for her to come back. She refused because she wanted to make a go of it with your father, but there was a lot of money at stake.”
And the fun never ends. Alexandra couldn’t handle any more surprises about her father. “Why did she commit suicide?”
Roman exhaled, as though the weight of the world was on his shoulders and he couldn’t hold it any longer. He sat beside her, slinging his arm over her shoulder and kissing her hair. She burrowed her face in his neck, inhaling his familiar scent. She wanted to lose herself in him, but needed to hear the rest of the explanation.
“I got a phone call the day she died. She was crying, telling me he wasn’t coming back. I told her of course not your father was dead. But she said she got a letter from him and he considered her a liability. They could no longer be together despite wanting her, so it was her version of a ‘Dear John’. She cried, telling me she couldn’t go on without him, and I brushed off her threats. I told her she could, because she had two boys who needed a friend.
“I already had a mother, but I wanted her in my life, you know? She was flawed, broken even, but there is still a little part of me who wanted the woman who swooped in and took me on an adventure a couple days a year to show she cared. And I hated him. You have no idea how much I hated him. For the devotion my mother showed him, and the bullshit he spewed, and how his supposed final words pushed her over the edge. She hung herself in the house you love so much, and I want it gone. Nothing good can come from keeping it. To your family, it represents love, and a disillusioned harmony they bullshit you into believing, but for me, it’s a reminder my mother didn’t love her children enough to fight through the issues she was dealing with. She gave her love to a man who was unavailable, and it killed her.”
“Roman.” Alexandra moved his arm from across her shoulders. Her heart broke for the little boy who needed his birth mother, but she needed to understand where she fit in this story. “You had to know who I was before we started our agreement. Why would you have sex with the daughter of a man you hated?”
Roman looked away, and a sense of unease ran through her the longer he sat silent. She lay her hand over his thigh, seeking the guy she’d been falling for, but he jumped as though he’d been burned. His hands ran through his head while he paced in front of her. “I told you no because you were his daughter. When you came in, I was still going to tell you no. You’re beautiful, but I didn’t need to get entangled with the daughter of Marcus Kane. But I couldn’t throw you to the wolves with our other patrons. When you offered the house, it sealed the deal. I’ve tried to buy the property for years, and knew if anyone could get me access you could.”
“It’s mine,” she acknowledged. She probably shouldn’t disclose that tidbit, but the words were out before she could stop them. “I got it on my last birthday. We go there to remember my dad, usually on the weekend he died, and I hate it. I want to remember him doing something he loved, not in the house. I had no idea someone died there. My family…” She cleared her throat, composing herself. He walked to the mini fridge in the corner, grabbing her a bottle of water. She accepted, drinking it to clear the lump in her throat. How would she be able to talk about the lies?
“They tried to protect my sister and me.” She felt her eyes water but carried on. “There’s no shame in protecting us.” He stayed quiet, and Alexandra wanted the ground to open and swallow her whole. She’d believed he cared about her. They’d spent time together in and out of bed, and were friends. But she now felt like a means to an end. To destroy a house. A piece of architecture in her family for generations, but something which held such pain for him he couldn’t stand the thought of it even existing. He should have told her. She understood why he didn’t at first, but he had no excuse for lying when they started to become friends. And that hurt. Damn, she hurt.
“I need to go.” He grabbed her hand, pulling her back down beside him.
“Alexandra—”
“No.” She shook her head. “I’m not running out, I’m not ending anything, but I need to go. Today was…enlightening to say the least, and I need to process. Without you angling for sex, or for a house I believed would go to an owner who wanted it. So I’m going to go. And you’re not going to follow me. Because you’re going to respect my decision to be alone right now. I will call you later this week and let you know what I’ve decided, because I don’t know if I can continue to have sex with a man who’s lied to me since the minute I met him.”
“If we don’t continue it’s your choice, not mine. I kept up my end of the bargain; you better keep up with yours.” A punch to the stomach would have hurt less. He let her know where she fit in the equation. And she wanted a guy who may not be available. Someone lost to her long before she ever met him.