Blair raised her eyebrows. “Really? Last I heard, you were getting everything you wanted and needed from him. Why stop a good thing?”
Alexandra stirred her coffee, unsure how to explain the situation without giving away the fact he was currently her client. “I was worried our relationship would spill over into my personal life, and I have too much going on to worry about it. He’s kind of done some things over the last couple of days that made me question his motives. He’s been cutting into my work, and I can’t be in a relationship with someone who won’t respect my job.” Blair stayed quiet while the waiter put their food on the table, but her eyes cut to Alexandra, saying without words she didn’t believe Alexandra’s reasoning.
“Why does it always come back to work with you? You’re obsessed, and it’s unhealthy. Do you respect his work?” Blair asked as soon as the waiter left.
Alexandra cut into her pancakes, contemplating her question. “I do. I mean, is it the ideal career? No. But I respect his decision to run his club. I’d be lying if I said it would help my career, but it’s not about who I have on my arm. I’m a damn good lawyer, and no one cares who I have a relationship with as long as I win their cases. My partners may care, but after I get my promotion, it won’t matter. Which is why I wanted everything on the sly until they confirmed me in five months.”
“Why does it matter? I’m married to a lawyer and I understand the level of intensity that comes with the job, but nothing about being in a relationship with him should jeopardize your career.”
“I know. Trust me; I’ve been over this since I walked away. I overreacted, as usual, but I was worried. Other than a couple dinners meant to explain how we were friends, there was nothing. And then he blindsided me at the banquet the other night.”
Blair threw her balled-up napkin at her. “Don’t do this.”
“Hey!” Alexandra complained. “I’m not doing anything. You’re the one launching paper products like you’re five.”
“No, my wonderful, successful, clueless friend. You found something you didn’t like or agree with, and you pulled away from him. You do this all the time as a way of keeping your distance, because you have the single-minded determination to make partner and feel like if you have a serious relationship, it will diminish your chances. It gets on my nerves. Parker’s too, and I know she’s said something to you.” Alexandra kept her conversation with Parker at the banquet to herself, trying to provide herself with some defense, despite how weak.
“Maybe it was moving too fast and I couldn’t handle it, but I don’t think I set out to ruin my relationships.” She considered the guys she’d been with since law school—professional, interesting men who didn’t last for whatever reason. But breakfast on the morning before court was not the time for self-reflection, however well intentioned. One more aspect for her to consider that night while she lay awake again, but it felt like she couldn’t unring the bell. And she’d blasted that thing the other night like a half-cocked crazy bitch. She dug into the delicious meal while Blair talked, needing fuel.
“Not actively, no. But passively. All I’m saying is you’re quick to run at the slightest problem, and you’re doing it again with Roman. Don’t do this. Talk to the guy, tell him how you feel instead of getting upset and leaving, and see what he says. Have a conversation with him, and you may be surprised what you find out. Both of you have important jobs, and both those career choices should be respected. You’re not any better than him, and you can’t sit in your ivory tower and look down on a guy who actually makes more money than you because you feel other people may not agree with it. That makes you a hypocrite, especially given the amount of time you’ve spent there in the last couple months.”
Alexandra leaned forward, head in her hands. Blair pointed out the crux of her problem and what she couldn’t work out in her mind. “You think I don’t know? I’ve been through all this in my mind, and it all comes back to my fear. I’m scared to be in a relationship with him. You mentioned my past relationships, but I was only playing with them. They were nothing more than a passing fling, so I was more than happy to cut them loose when they threatened my career or any of my meticulous plans. But Roman?” She paused, taking a deep breath so she could get out the rest of her confession.
“I can’t shake him. I have worked so hard to realize my career goals, and in the short time I’ve known him, it’s like it doesn’t even matter. I want to be with him. Period. End stop. He’s this unexpected gift I didn’t know I was looking for. He’s Christmas, and Thanksgiving, and every birthday from here on out, and I can’t help but look around and wonder how a guy I hired for sex has become as important as breathing. I feel like I can’t function if I haven’t talked to him during the day, even if it’s just a text. He sends me little gifts, and he makes me feel cherished, treasured. The sex is off the charts, but I don’t know what to do about this relationship that wasn’t supposed to be anything more than a late-night rendezvous to relieve stress.”
“Wow.” Blair’s eyes misted over, but she cleared her throat and took a drink of coffee. “I had no idea you were in love with him.” Alexandra’s heart stuttered. She couldn’t be in love with him; that wasn’t allowed. Did she have feelings for him? Yes, more than she’d ever want to admit. She’d already said as much to him the other night. But loving Roman would be foolish, because he had the power to decimate her when she was least expecting it. Her heart raced every time she was with him, but there was no way it was love. Was it? The fear came first, he had the power to destroy her, but after that a resounding sense of rightness came over her she couldn’t shake.
“I’m not in love with him,” she argued, waving the waiter over for their checks. Blair had a way of calling bullshit and she’d just punched Alexandra’s ticket. Which meant Alexandra needed to pay for her breakfast and get away from this uncomfortable conversation. “I have feelings for him, but it’s not love. I’m just trying to figure this out.”
Blair snorted. “You’re in love with him; your stubborn ass just won’t admit it.” She smiled, taking the check from the waiter. “I got this. It’s not every day you figure out you’re in love with the guy you’re sleeping with.”
“I’m not in love,” Alexandra started, but Blair cut her off with a hug.
“I love you. Good luck in court.”
Alexandra escorted her to the front, hugging her one more time before they parted ways. She pulled out her phone, shooting off a text while walking to her car, mentally prepping herself for court.
***
It was easy to throw himself into work over the next week and a half. Work was what he knew, and there was more than enough to do. He’d neglected his duties when spending his nights with Alexandra, and it needed to stop. If he found himself wishing she were there, because their schedule had become so meshed she came over most nights, he ignored it. He hadn’t contacted her, but she had another week before their original agreement was up, and she owed him a house. He was more determined than ever to bulldoze the damn thing.
He needed to use his room again, to purge the lingering memories, like the scent of Alexandra’s perfume. He’d ordered the room cleaned and scrubbed down after the banquet but he still smelled her, which meant he needed a new memory.
“Roman,” Marco’s voice buzzed through the intercom.
“Yes?”
“Your girl is here. I put her in your room.” His girl? He didn’t have a girl. And no way in hell could Alexandra assume she was welcome there. She’s too smart for that.
“My girl?” he questioned, sure he heard wrong.
Marco sighed as though having to explain a difficult concept to a small child. “Alexandra came in five minutes ago. I put her in your room.”
“Why?” Roman bit out. “I told you she wasn’t allowed here.”
“We terminate her membership yet?”