“If I allow you to have the list without a valid reason, I am very aware there are serious financial implications neither you nor I can even compensate, Mr. Arrow. There are also personal implications for the people whose names are released who’ve done you no harm. I know you didn’t consider the lawsuit Mr. Valentine could bring against you for destroying his business, not to mention the people whose reputations are at stake because of your actions. So it is after careful consideration I have decided Club Valentine is not required to provide you with their membership list.”
Gerald’s hands gripped the desk in front of him as he listened to the judge’s ruling.
“I’d suggest you do what everyone else does when they suspect their spouse is cheating on them—follow her yourself or hire a private investigator.” A bang of the gavel and that was it. Roman felt weightless, as though he’d just thrust the biggest obstacle in his path out of the way, and the reason why was the woman beside him.
“Thank you.” He hugged her, planting a kiss on her forehead. She stiffened, and Roman released her. He’d lost the right to touch her without restraint when he’d left.
“You’re welcome,” she replied, but it was so formal and stilted it became awkward. She allowed him to escort her out, bypassing a blustering Gerald talking about the travesty of the justice system. It felt like déjà vu when Alexandra started talking, but this time she was discussing the merits of her case, and there were no embarrassing questions thrown in at the last minute. Roman thanked everyone for the support, reiterated Club Valentine would continue to operate with additional safety measures given the pictures released, and they were done. He followed her to her car, but she was refusing to talk to him so it made him feel like a bit of a stalker, watching the back of his silent victim’s head. They were feet apart, but could have been on opposite sides of the planet.
“Alexandra, can we talk?”
“About what?” She kept walking, continuing as though she wanted to get to her car as fast as possible.
“Us.” She stopped so abruptly he almost ran into her. He forgot this girl could turn on a dime. She crossed her arms over her chest, as though she was protecting herself from him.
“That’s interesting, since you banned me from coming in. I went to ask you to reconsider last week. To my surprise, Quinn came out and told me his idiot brother had issued the order. Were you worried I was going to disturb your precious equilibrium by coming to bother you?”
“Well.” He scratched the side of his head, since he didn’t know what to tell her. He wasn’t indecisive; he saw a goal and he got it, no questions asked. She’d fucked him up, and not in a good way, so he never felt stable, like trying to stand on a waterbed drunk. When you thought you figured out the pattern, someone changed it up and then you were flat on your ass again. He was flat on his ass with this woman.
She pushed his chest, and Roman stepped back without fighting her. “Fuck you!” She pushed over and over, until he grabbed her arms and held her to him. The sob burst out of her, and he held her tight as the gut-wrenching sobs overtook her body. He rubbed her back while she soaked him with her tears, as though her pain was leaving the harder she cried. It hurt him to see her so upset, whispering his apology and his love, hoping it penetrated, but it also strengthened his resolve. If she was this upset with seeing him then he’d made the right choice. There was no way he would contribute to someone he loved hurting, and he was destroying her by being near. He continued to hold her while her sobs quieted to whimpers, refusing to let her handle this on her own. This time.
“Let…me…go.” She hiccupped through some of the last of her sobs.
“Alexandra.”
“No.” She pushed back from him as though he were a serpent ready to strike, wiping the tears still making their way down her face. “I’m sorry for making a mess on you. It’s been a rough week, I’ll admit, but we’re at an impasse. You can’t give me what I want, and I refuse to settle for a man who won’t give me what I need.”
“I’m not the one who spent the last couple months running,” he retorted.
“I was scared! Do you know what it’s like to have your world ripped out when you’ve barely started living? Because I do. It makes you fearful, and shortsighted in your determination to do what needs to be done. You control what you can, and it’s what I did. I controlled law because it’s what I knew, what was familiar to me. My dad used to talk about the law for hours, and it was a way to honor his legacy.
“You know what else it makes you? Scared of relationships, because one day someone who’s so full of life and young, with so much left to live for, can be taken from you. You cherish who you still have and become protective of the circle you created, because if you let the wrong person in, they can disappear, too. I was trying to get over that, and it was hard but I was doing it. I figured you were worth it, and I would rather have you and lose you than to have never had you at all. To have you then watch you walk away, as though it were nothing, killed me last week. Yes, I needed time to get used to being part of a couple, but I’m not running scared. You are.”
“I’m protecting you,” he insisted.
“You stand here in your gilded cage and act like I asked you to break up with me. You’re not protecting me; you’re protecting yourself from something else. Do me a favor. Don’t follow me when I leave. I can’t take it; this week was hard enough. You pretended you knew what’s best for me without having a conversation about my needs. There’s only one thing left to be settled. I planned on mailing it to you, but since you’re here…” She trailed off, reaching into her purse and pulling out the nondescript white envelope. She slapped him in the chest with it, and he had to act fast to stop it from falling. He felt the weight of the keys in there.
“I hope you find some kind of absolution for what you’re looking for, because I’m clearly not enough.” He wanted to argue, call her back, curse himself for being the fool. Why did he never feel normal around this girl? She always threw him off his game, and he stood there miserable, and she was walking away as miserable as him. He opened the envelope, caching the keys when he shook them out, grabbing the note she’d put with them.
R—
A deal is a deal. All I ask is that you wait until after this weekend is over, because we’re going one more time as a family to remember my dad. At least you never lied, which I can’t say the same for him. I will tell them I’m selling it, and have your lawyer contact me for the paperwork. Do whatever you want with it—burn it, bulldoze it—it no longer matters.
—A
He read the words several times, trying to remember why he broke up with her in the first place, but the answers evaded him. All he knew was he continued to break the heart of a girl who’d reminded him this was the week she lost her father. The father who lied to her, who she never defended, even when she had the right to tell Roman to shove it up his ass. He clutched the envelope, with the keys to the house he’d desired since he was a teenager, but somehow the victory seemed shallow given all he’d lost.
21
Alexandra wanted to curl up in a ball and pretend like the past week and a half hadn’t happened after she left Roman. She’d cried over Roman Valentine for the last time, although this latest crying jag had more to do with her father than anything else. The following day was the anniversary of his death, and she tended to wear her heart on her sleeve every year around this time, so all the additional issues made it worse. Roman refused to listen to what she told him she wanted or needed. Her job was everything, yes, but recently her world seemed to revolve around one person—him.