I sat there, frozen and speechless, while the moments of my life with Julia — both the ones I kept close and the ones I still dreamed of — were awakened again inside my chest and now threatened to erupt. I desperately tried to swallow them back down.
“Well, it was for a special girl,” I finally said. “She was my high school sweetheart.”
“Was she here tonight?” I barely heard him ask.
All of sudden, it felt as if I were in a small tunnel with all my memories buzzing past me instead of in the open, empty field.
“Uh, yes, she was here tonight,” I said.
“Well, where is she now?” he asked.
I let silent moments pass. Honestly, I hoped she was still here, that she had changed her mind, that she had stayed. But what is hope if it’s not fleeting?
“Well, I recon she’s on her way back to South Carolina,” I said.
I knew there was a sadness tightly wrapped around my voice now, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Matt’s head slowly lower.
“South Carolina, huh?” Jason asked. “So, does this mean you’re still on the market, for all those ladies listening tonight?”
A smile somehow squeezed past my lips.
“I’m pretty sure there wouldn’t be any of those ladies here,” I reassured him. “See, they all knew me in junior high.”
Jason threw his head back and laughed.
“But no, sir, to answer your question,” I continued. “I’m taken, and I have been since I was sixteen or six. It’s all the same,” I confessed into the little mic.
I watched him nod his head.
“Well, all right, if she’s listening now, is there something you’d like to say to her?” he asked.
“I…,” I started and then stopped.
I was fighting back a stampede of emotions. My eyes were locked on my pocket and on the small box holding the life I thought I would have with her.
“I just want her to know that she’s still the same beautiful, after all these years, and that I’m here — always.”
Chapter Forty-Three
One Knee
I thanked Jason and pulled the headset from my ears and set it down.
“I’m sorry, man,” Matt said, as he walked over to me and patted my shoulder.
I glanced up at him but then quickly lowered my eyes.
“I just need a minute, Matt,” I said, starting to walk away.
“Sure, buddy,” he said.
I took off for the fence line and made my own path alongside it. It was dark, and there were trees grown up around me, so I felt hidden from the world. I walked until the posts and the wire ran out and the trees stopped. Then, I planted my feet and took a deep breath, breathing in the familiar smell of tall grasses and dirt. I let it fill my lungs, and then I sent it back out into the cool air again.
What was I supposed to do without her?
The sound of metal hitting metal forced my attention back to the stage behind me. I turned but couldn’t see anything from where I stood. I figured they must have started cleaning up.
I sighed and then started my slow hike back to the stage. But this time, I followed the line of grass that had been pressed down by tires. I knew the line led to the makeshift parking lot, so I didn’t even bother to look up as I set one foot in front of the other and tried to think about my last conversation with Jules. I tried really hard to replay it in my head, but somehow, I just couldn’t. Then, I tried to think of what day it was, but I couldn’t think of that either. God, would I even be able to think without her?
I heard something else slam hard against what sounded like a bed of a truck. The loud noise forced my eyes upward again. Then, suddenly, I stopped.
“Julia.”
She turned in the plastic chair and then quickly stood up.
“Wha…,” I started to say.
I swallowed hard and tried again.
“Did you forget something?” I asked.
I wasn’t sure if I had spoken loud enough for her to have heard me or even if I had spoken at all.
She was quiet for a moment, and she didn’t move. Then, I watched as her eyes fell into mine and stayed there.
“Yes,” she said, finally.
My breaths became short, and I tried to swallow again.
“I forgot how much I love you,” she said.
I watched the sides of her lips anxiously turn up. Then, suddenly, I noticed that I couldn’t move, and my heart began a violent pounding against the inside of my chest.
“Could you use a hand?” she asked, taking a quick glance around at the field of plastic chairs before settling her gaze on me again.
I couldn’t take my eyes off her. And I couldn’t move, and I couldn’t speak. This went on for seconds, maybe even minutes. Then, finally, the words came.
“You’re beautiful,” I said.
A faint smile found my broken lips.
“You’re even more beautiful than in dreams,” I said, feeling my smile widen. “Though, I’m still prayin’ like crazy this isn’t one.”
Her pretty stare was still on me when I finished. She was smiling, but her eyes were pleading with me to do something. I remembered those eyes.
I forced my legs to come alive again, and I took a couple of steps in her direction, keeping my gaze locked in hers for my journey to her place in the field. And eventually, I planted my feet directly in front of her. But instead of taking her into my arms and squeezing her close — like I wanted so much to do — I stopped. I had one more thing to do that just couldn’t wait.
I felt my lips start to turn up as I bent down and touched one knee to the soil and the grass. Then, I reached into my jeans pocket, felt for a small box and pulled it out. I turned the box over in my hand, feeling its soft velvet against my fingertips. There was still a part of me trying to figure out if this were all real. But after a moment, I brought the velvet box to view in between us and lifted it toward her. And with my other hand, I took the lid and slowly pulled it back.
“Julia Austin Lang,” I began, “I love you more than anything in this world, and I could never imagine spending a second more of my life without you. And I’ve more than learned life’s lesson. I’m not gonna let you get away again.”
I paused to let my smile grow wider.
“Jules, will you marry me — some day very soon?”
I watched as her lips fell open and her hand rushed to cover them. Her green eyes were big and bright, but she made no sound.
I kept my eyes in hers, feeling every, exaggerated heartbeat in my chest.
Then, eventually, I spotted a smile behind her delicate fingers. And soon after, a nod followed.
I lowered my eyelids and then my head.
“Thank you, God,” I whispered to myself.
Then, I lifted my eyes to hers again. I was pretty sure a smile was permanently tattooed to my face as I rose to my feet. And once I was standing, I gently took her hand from her lips and slipped the ring onto her pretty ring finger. Then, I brought my forehead to hers and breathed in her perfume and her smile and this moment. And when I couldn’t take not holding her for one more second, I scooped her up into my arms.
She squealed her little, high-pitched squeal and wrapped her arms around my neck, as I put my lips to her ears.
“Thank you for coming back to me, Jules,” I whispered.
A moment went by. Then, I felt her breaths near my ear.
“I told you I’d come back,” she whispered, as she rested her head gently against my shoulder. “I’m sorry I took so long.”
“You ready?” I asked her.
She flashed me a wide smile.
“Okay, no turning back now,” I playfully warned her.