"You must have someplace here where we could be alone to talk."
"There is a room in one of the two round towers. We scarcely use that tower now. It is the west one."
"I will be there ... at midnight."
"Take care, my lord," I mocked. "You will be watched."
"I am accustomed to it."
"So many are interested in you. You are as talked of as the Queen herself ... and so often your names are linked in the same snippet of gossip."
"Nevertheless I must see you."
He had to return to the Queen, who was tapping her foot impatiently. She wanted to dance, and with him, of course.
I could scarcely wait until midnight. I took off my gown and wrapped myself in a robe of lace and ribbons. I had much to say to him, but I did not think it would be possible to be alone with him without our passion overcoming all other needs. I wanted to be seductive as poor Douglass could rarely have been and Elizabeth never. I knew I had that in my power; it was my strength as the Queen's crown was hers. I had quickly ascertained that Douglass was not of the party and must have gone home to her son—hers and Robert's.
He was waiting for me. As soon as I entered I was in his arms and he was attempting to strip off the gown beneath which I was naked.
But I was determined that first we should speak.
He said: "Lettice, I am mad with my need for you."
"Methinks, my lord, it is not the first time you have been maddened by your need of a woman," I replied. "I have made the acquaintance of your wife."
"My wife! I have no wife now."
"I did not mean the one who died in Cumnor Place. That's past history. I mean Douglass Sheffield."
"She has been talking to you!"
"Indeed she has, and telling me an interesting tale. You married her."
"That's a lie."
"Is it so? She did not seem to lie. She has a ring you gave her ... a ring which was to be given only to your wife. More important than a ring—she has a son—little Robert Dudley. Robert, you are sly. I wonder what Her Majesty will say when she hears."
He was silent for a few seconds, and my heart sank, for I desperately wanted him to tell me that Douglass's story was untrue.
He seemed to come to the conclusion that I knew too much for him to protest, for he said: "I have a son, yes—a son by Douglass Sheffield."
"So all she says was true?"
"I did not marry her. We met at the Rutlands' place and she became my mistress. Good God, Lettice, what am I supposed to do! I am kept dangling... ."
"By the Queen, who does not know whether she wants you or not."
"She wants me," he replied. "Have you not noticed?"
"She wants you in attendance—together with Heneage, Hatton and any handsome man. The point is does she want to marry you?"
"As her subject I have to be ready to obey her if she wishes me to."
"She'll never marry you, Robert Dudley. How can she when you are already married to Douglass Sheffield?"
"I swear I am not. I am not such a fool as to do that which would finish me with the Queen."
"If we were discovered here tonight that might finish you with the Queen."
"I am ready to risk that to be with you."
"As you were ready to risk marrying Douglass Sheffield to be with her?"
"I did not marry her, I tell you."
"She says you did. You have a child."
"He would not be the first to be born out of wedlock."
"What of her husband? Is it true that he threatened to divorce her on account of her liaison with you?"
"Nonsense!" he cried.
"I heard that a letter you wrote to her was discovered by him and that he had the evidence he needed to put you in a very uncomfortable position with the Queen. And he died just as he was about to do this."
"Good God, Lettice! Are you suggesting that I had him removed!"
"The whole Court found it strange that he should die so suddenly ... and at such an opportune moment."
"Why should I want him dead?"
"Perhaps because he was going to disclose your relationship with his wife."
"It was not important. It was not as you have been led to believe."
"The Queen might have thought it important."
"She would have seen it for the trivial matter it was. Nay, I did not want Sheffield dead. It was better for him to be alive from my point of view."
"I see you have the same sentiments for Lord Sheffield as you have for the Earl of Essex. If you wish to make love to a woman, it is more convenient for her to be someone else's wife than a widow. Otherwise she might begin to think of marriage."
He had placed his hands on my shoulders and was pressing the robe from them. I felt the familiar excitement creeping over me.
"I am not Douglass Sheffield, my lord."
"Nay, you are my bewitching Lettice, and there is none to compare."
"I hope those words never reach the Queen's ears."
"The Queen is outside all this. And I would risk her knowing ... for this."
"Robert," I insisted, "I am not a light of love to be taken up and cast aside."
"I know it well. I love you. I never ceased to think of you. Something is going to happen, but you must not believe evil tales of me."
"What is going to happen?"
"The day will come when you and I will marry. I know it."
"How? You are committed to the Queen. I have a husband."
"Life changes."
"You think the Queen will turn her favor in some other direction?"
"Nay, I shall keep it and have you too."
"You think she would agree to that?"
"In time. As she grows older."
"You are greedy, Robert. You want everything. You are not content with a share of life's good things. You want yours and everyone else's."
"I do not expect more than I know I can get."
"And you believe you can keep the Queen's favor and have me too?"
"Lettice, you want me. Do you think I don't know that?"
"I admit I find you personable enough."
"And what is your life with Walter Devereux? He's a failure. He's not your kind. Admit it."
"He has been a good husband to me."
"A good husband? What has your life been? The most beautiful woman of the Court moldering in the country!"
"I may come to Court providing I do not offend Her Majesty by attracting the attention of her favorite man."
"We must be careful, Lettice. But I tell you this: I am going to marry you."
"How and when?" I laughed at him. "I am no longer the young innocent I was. I shall never forget that when she sent for you, when she hinted that she knew you were not indifferent to me, you let me go. You behaved as though I meant nothing to you."
"I was a fool, Lettice."
"Oh, never that! You were a wise man. You knew where the advantage lay."
"She is the Queen, my dearest."
"I am not your dearest, Robert. She, with her crown, is that."
"You are wrong. She is a woman who will be obeyed, and we are her subjects. Therefore we have to placate her. That is why things are as they are and must be. Oh, Lettice, how can I make you understand? I never forgot you. I longed for you. All those years I was haunted by you ... and now you have come back ... lovelier than ever. This time there must be no parting."
He was beginning to win me over—although I only half believed him, but desperately I wanted to.
"What if she decrees otherwise?" I asked.
"We will outwit her."
The thought of our standing together against her intoxicated me. He understood very well my weaknesses as I understood his. There could be no doubt that we were meant for each other.
I laughed again. "I would she could hear you now," I said.
He laughed with me, for he knew he was winning. "We are going to be together. I promise you. I am going to marry you."