I felt the cold anger rise within me. No, I was not a woman to be set aside lightly.
Of course he was passionately loving and assured me that he was going to hate leaving me, but already in his thoughts he was in the Netherlands, seizing what advantages he could there.
It was February when he left England. The Queen accompanied the party as far as Canterbury. I could not go because my presence would be repulsive to her.
I heard, though, that she took a fond farewell of my Robert, and talked to him very sharply because she feared he might eat or drink more than was good for him and not take enough care of himself. He caused her great anxiety by his thoughtlessness, she was heard to say; and she would recall him and put him into dire disgrace if she heard reports of ill health caused through lack of care.
Oh yes, she was still in love with him; and although she announced that she would give a million pounds to have her Little Frog swimming in the Thames, it was Robert of whom she was thinking.
"Leicester's Commonwealth"
His Lordship (Leicester) changeth wives and minions by killing the one, denying the other... .
Children of adulterers shall be consumed and the seed of a wicked bed shall be rooted out.
When Robert returned from the Netherlands, I was at Leicester House with Dorothy and my young son Robert. My elder son, Robert Devereux, Earl of Essex, had by this time taken his Master's degree at Cambridge and had expressed a desire for a quiet life, so Lord Burleigh, his guardian, had thought it an excellent idea for him to retire to one of his properties at Llanfydd in Pembrokeshire, where he could live the life of a country squire and devote himself to his books. I saw him only infrequently at this point, which did not please me, for, of all my children, he was my favorite.
Leicester had aged perceptibly. There was much more gray in his hair and his ruddy looks had intensified. The Queen was right to chide him for overindulgence at table. He had completely lost that mild depression which had been there after the disclosure of our wedding when he had thought, briefly, that he was out of favor forever. Now he was bursting with confidence.
He came into the house where I was waiting to greet him and swept me into his arms declaring that I was more beautiful than ever. He made love with the urgent need of a man who has abstained from the practice for a long time; but I sensed an absent-mindedness, and I knew that my rival was Ambition.
I was faintly irritated that before coming to me he had been to the Queen. I knew this was necessary, but my jealousy made me irrational.
He could not stop talking of the future, which was going to be brilliant.
"She received me with great affection and berated me for staying away too long. She said she thought I had formed such an affection for the Low Countries that I had forgotten that of my birth and my gracious Queen."
"And perhaps," I put in, "your ever-patient wife."
"She did not mention you."
That made me laugh. "It was kind of her not to assault your ears with abuse of me."
"Oh, she'll get over that. I'll swear, Lettice, that in a few months' time she will be receiving you at Court."
"I'm ready to swear otherwise."
"I shall work for it."
"You'll waste your efforts."
"Nay, I know her better than you do."
"The only way you could obtain her forgiveness for me would be to leave me or rid yourself of me in some way. But no matter. She has taken you back into her loving circle, it seems."
"There is no doubt of it. And, Lettice, I believe there is a great future for me in the Netherlands. I was received with such courtesy. I believe they would be ready to make me Governor of the Provinces. They are a desperate country and they seem to look upon me as a savior."
"So, if you had the chance you would desert your royal mistress? I wonder what she would have to say to that!"
"I should have to persuade her."
"You have a big notion of your persuasive powers, my lord."
"How would you like to be Governor's lady?"
"Very well—since I am not accepted here as Leicester's lady."
"It is only at Court."
"Only at Court! Where else is there to be recognized?"
He took my hands and his eyes were alight with that passion which ambition could kindle.
"I am going to see that our family is conveniently placed," he said.
"Haven't you done that? You seem to have set your relations and adherents in the right places throughout the country."
"I have always sought to secure my position."
"Yet you see how easily a frown from the Queen can unseat you."
" Tis true. That is why I have to make sure that I strengthen my hold. There is young Essex. It is time he stopped skulking in Wales and came to Court. I could find a place for him."
"My son seems to like the country according to his letters to me and to Lord Burleigh."
"Nonsense. I have a fine stepson. I want to make his acquaintance again and bring him forward."
"I will write and tell him so."
"And our own little Robert... I have plans for him."
"He is but a baby."
"It is never too soon to plan their future, I assure you."
I frowned. I was anxious about our son. He was delicate, which seemed ironical when I considered his father and myself. My children by Walter Devereux were strong and healthy; it seemed a strange trick of fate that Leicester's boy should be a weakling. He had had difficulty in walking and I had discovered one of his legs to be a trifle shorter than the other, and when he eventually did walk it had been with a slight limp. I loved him the more for his deformity. I felt I wanted to care for him and protect him; and the thought of his making a great marriage made me uneasy.
"Whom do you propose for Robert?" I asked.
"Arabella Stuart," replied Robert.
I was aghast, seeing what he was thinking of. Arabella Stuart had a claim to the throne because she was the daughter of Charles Stuart, Earl of Lennox, the younger brother of the Earl of Darnley, who had married Mary Queen of Scots. Through his mother, the Earl of Lennox was the grandson of Henry VIII's sister, Margaret Tudor.
I said quickly: "You think she has a chance of the throne. How could she? Mary of Scotland's James comes before her."
"She was born on English soil," said Robert. "James is a Scot. The people would favor an English queen."
"Your ambition runs away with your good sense," I said tartly, and added: "You are like your father. He saw himself as the kingmaker, and he ended up without his head."
"I see no reason why there should not be a betrothal."
"And you think the Queen would allow it?"
"I think if I put it to her ..."
"In cozy fashion," I suggested.
"What's the matter with you, Lettice? You must not be put out because Elizabeth will not receive you. I tell you I will soon have that changed."
"It seems you have come back from the Netherlands a conquering hero, sweeping all before you."
"You wait," he said. "I have other plans. What of Dorothy?"
"Dorothy! Have you a royal husband for her?"
"That's exactly what I have."
"I can't wait to hear whom you have found for her."
"Young James of Scotland."
"Robert, you can't be serious. My daughter Dorothy to marry the son of the Queen of Scots."
"Why should she not?"
"I should like to hear his mother's comments on the proposed match."
"Whatever they were they would be of no account. The Queen of Scots is but a prisoner."
"And those of your royal mistress."