There was a long pause. Then I felt her sit down on the bed. I must have jumped in surprise for there was a low giggle, followed by a new, calm, teasing tone: “Don’t be afraid. I just thought I’d pay you a little visit. After all, if we are going to be brother and sister, and especially if we are going to investigate together all the things we’ve been talking about together, we do have to get to know each other.”
I didn’t know what to say. In all this time I had had no idea what to say or do nor how to react. I lay without moving waiting to see what would happen, my heart racing. She went on, her tone changing more and more to an easy banter.
“Mother said that you had never even seen a girl before today.” She paused. I knew she expected an answer. I was petrified but somehow managed stuttering:
“I-I guess I am rather strange!”
She giggled again.
“I guess you are-boy! After supper I managed to ask Father what Mother had meant. Is it true what they say? That you never saw a girl, or her body, or anything?”
“Well I…”
“Come on, Lars, you can tell me. I’m your sister now, you know! I just mean is it true about your never seeing women or anything?”
“Yes, it’s true-never before Mother yesterday, and then the ones we saw travelling, and then you tonight.”
“Jesus! Boy, that’s really fantastic! And you never touched, or felt a girl or anything?”
“No, no, never. Never saw nor was around any-except the old matrons at the orphanage in England.”
“Wow! And boy, did you look me over! No wonder, you poor kid! But, wow!” and she started giggling again, but with what seemed a new excitement. “Never even saw a girl. Just never having been kissed would be great, but never to have even SEEN a girl!” And then suddenly: “Here, give me your hand!” She reached for me, touching my body in a way that embarrassed me in her search, so I took my hand, which had been under the sheet, out and held it toward her. It touched the softest thing I had ever felt: the filmy sheer blouse she was wearing, and I felt underneath a strange sensation of flesh that gave to the touch.
But before I could register it, she had taken my hand and was softly stroking it on the palm, and running her fingers gently along the inside of my arm in a way that made me gasp.
“Would you like to know about what a girl is like, Lars?”
“Well-do you mean?” I hesitated. “Well, sure, I would. But I guess I will gradually get to know girls being here with you and Louise.”
“No, I mean what girls are really like. The way they are different than boys-you know, underneath?”
“Well, uh.” I didn’t know just what she meant, and I didn’t know what to say. I was terribly embarrassed.
“You wanted to see inside my blouse when I served you coffee.” She giggled again. “What were you looking for?”
I just gasped, flushed red in the dark, and couldn’t speak.
“It was so great, Lars. All of a sudden I realized you wanted coffee so you could look down in my blouse! Wow. And when I saw the way you looked, I started to get wet. In fact, I got so sopping wet that I was afraid it would run down my leg. And that last time, when I opened the new button, I thought you were going to nuzzle your head right in when I bent down. As it was, I almost spilled them out in your face. Oh, how much I wanted to. I wanted so much to reach in and lift them out and work them into the gaping mouth of my new little brother. I might do just that, Lars. Would you like that? Just think, a few hours ago, you were having a heart attack just to see a little in my blouse, and now I’m going to let you suck them.”
I almost passed out.
“But you have to show you want it, Lars. You have to come and get a little to start me. Don’t you want to get your hands in my clothes, little brother? Don’t you want a little feel of your new sister, Lars?”
“We can’t turn on the lights now as they might notice, but you can feel anything you want. Unbutton me a little and see!” And she took my hand and placed it on the top button of her blouse.
I was paralyzed with timidity and embarrassment, but she moved my hand on the button and it came open.
“Don’t be afraid now, I won’t bite you!” She kept giggling happily at my confusion. “Come on, now. Unbutton another one!”
The blouse was so soft and inviting, and beneath my confusion and timidity I was becoming very interested and excited. Something told me this was not very proper, but as before, I had this other force in me which made me not care. And as my hand rested on her chest, I could feel the gentle warmth of her skin which heightened my growing tension.
Gunilla took my hand now and moved it across her skin and up along her neck.
“Doesn’t it feel different, Lars?” she asked.
“It is so soft and fine,” I amazed myself by saying, “I-uh -I like the way it feels.” I could not speak easily. It was all so strange, and all the time something in me kept wondering if it was proper.