"Right here? To this space?"
"I saw them come through the market," a small Toady said, running up to Horunkus's stirrup. He made a face at me and stuck out my tongue. It was Shagul, the kid Kelsa had pointed out to me. If I could have reached the little brat at that moment, I would have wrung his neck, but two of the soldiers poked me in the neck with their spears. "One of them's a soothsayer! She told me to go and do my homework!"
"I see," Horunkus said, and pursed his mouth. "Well, then, you will need a permit for fortunetelling."
"We're not opening up shop here!"
"But it sounds like you have already delved into other people's business here."
"It was just a passing remark."
"And penalty for humil…I mean, assaulting the guard. Unless you would rather serve time in the Royal Penitentiary instead?"
The guy had absolutely no sense of humor. "Aw, come on, it was just a little rough-housing!"
"Disturbing the peace," Horunkus said, writing more on the tablet in his hands. I was getting more and more torqued off as the strip on the top of the tablet grew longer.
"That comes to a total of thirty gold pieces, eight silver. Payable upon demand." He tore off the strip and handed it to me.
"You're out of your mind," I informed him, looking over the list of charges.
"Insults! Do you wish me to add another penalty, for insulting one of His Lofty Monarch's officers?"
Tananda and Calypsa looked at me. It was hard to argue that he had caught us red, or rather, gold-handed, since we were standing there holding the equivalent of an emperor's annual wages. I could have gotten out of there with the D-hopper, and Tananda had enough magik to travel the dimensions herself, but we would have had to leave Calypsa by herself in the middle of a troop of unfriendlies. As much as the alternative pained me, I couldn't do that. I reached for my wallet. Horunkus's flunky stuck out his palm.
Every coin I had to part with was a death knell to my heart. Every shining little disk seemed to cry out to me, "Don't send me away!" I gritted my teeth, because hesitating seemed to bring me out in a rash of jab marks from the guards' swords. One by one, I counted out the coins. Some of them had been handsomely milled and beautifully struck; others were more timeworn, but precious for their experience in the universe. It was more painful than I could stand.
"That's thirty," the captain said. "Eight silver pieces."
I felt around in my scrip. I had four silver pieces and a handful of coppers. I balanced them in my hand against the one remaining gold piece I had.
"Would you take an IOU?" I asked hopefully.
"I will take cash!"
Very reluctantly, I held out the 31st gold piece. The captain snatched it from me and dumped all the coins into a heavy leather pouch at his saddlebow.
"Thank you, stranger," Horunkus said, signing to his men to lower their spears. "Welcome to Sri Port. I hope you enjoy your stay here."
"Hey, wait a minute, what about my change?"
Horunkus gave me an 'are you out of your mind?' look. "I could add on a 'Questioning the authority of the Majaranarana' tax," he said, smugly.
"That's it," I breathed, my ire rising. This guy was due for a clobbering, no matter what it cost me later.
"Yes, that is it," the nun said, stepping in between us and holding out a minuscule handful of coins. "Here is the mission's tax payment for the week. Thank you, gentlemen." She turned me away from the soldiers and hurried us inside.
"Well, he squeezed us for everything we had," I said, feeling glum.
"I've still got a handful of silver. That ought to hold us for a while," Tananda said.
"I don't like going out without walking-around money," I retorted, peevishly.
"At least the Hoard is safe," Calypsa said. She hugged Ersatz.
"Really, wench," the Sword said, sounding embarrassed.
"Safe for now," I said, with a look over my shoulder at the departing troops. "I doubt that's the end of it. Horunkus is going to go back and report what he saw. I'll bet you my two front teeth that before we get out of here there'll be an attack by 'footpads,' not affiliated with the government, of course. The longer we stay here, the more likely the Hoard's going to be in the Majaranarana's treasury sooner or later."
"We'd better get out of here, then," Tananda said. "This place is indefensible."
"Ah, me," Sister Hylida said. "This never happened when I was at the Abbey of the Shaor Ming. Because we prayed for anyone who needed us, we were never asked for taxes or other fees."
"So nobody is supposed to squeeze the Shaor Ming?" I asked.
"Yes," Hylida said, surprised. "How did you know?"
"Lucky guess," I said. I jingled my wallet grimly. It was too light. I felt like I had just lost my oldest friends — thirty-one of them.
"Well, I would say it's just about time for you to ask Chin-Hwag for your fee," Asti's voice broke into my thoughts.
Her taunting tone was just what it took to raise my dudgeon to its highest setting. I turned to the Purse, cradled protectively in the Abbess's arms. Everyone was watching me. I took in a deep breath, but it whooshed out of me like the air from a punctured balloon. I just couldn't do it, not in the face of the shocking poverty surrounding me. Besides, I wanted to negotiate in private.
"Fee?" The Purse's mouth moved, the drawstrings wagging like skinny mustaches. "I have no objection. If my friend Ersatz has agreed on a fee, I will pay it, but not a dust mote more. How much was it?"
I had a figure in mind, but I wasn't going to announce it until the Sword and I had a chance to confer.
"This job ain't over yet," I said, sidestepping briskly. "You saw what just happened. I don't know how many more expenses I'm going to incur."
The Abbess seemed to read my mind.
"I see. You need to take Chin-Hwag with you. That is fine. I have all that I need. Take her. Now. It is all right."
"But the tax collector just took everything you had," I said. "You're flat broke."
Hylida gave me a serene smile.
"I managed to get along before she was here. I'll get along after she is gone. She has been a wonderful help."
"I have been glad to help one who is a true saint in her time," Chin-Hwag said. "You are so unselfish. Never did you ask for anything for yourself. I feel honored to have been in your service."
Hylida, very moved, came up to touch the Purse.
"You have been a good friend to me and my flock," she said. "Thank you for giving me confidence when my faith was waning."
"Your faith was what made me happy to contribute to your cause," Chin-Hwag said. "I wish more of my proteges were so generous with themselves and their efforts. How often people forget that material things are not what is truly important in this world."
The mutual-admiration society meeting was beginning to get on my nerves. The more the Abbess and the Purse praised each other for selflessness, the stronger the feeling I got that maybe, just maybe, my personal priorities were the ones that needed changing. It's not really like I needed the money. The fact that I didn't have any with me didn't mean I was tapped out, not by a long chalk. It'd been forever since a hundred gold pieces changed the decimal place in my bank account. One thing working with Skeeve had done was to make me and all the other members of M.Y.T.H., Inc. very rich. Not disgustingly, mind-blowingly, fountains of gold rich, but plenty wealthy enough to buy the hotel if the waiter won't mix your drink the way you want it.
Hylida turned her brilliant gaze to me.
"I am sure you will be moderate in your requests of my dear friend. You strike me as a good person, in spite of your bluster. Take good care of her."
"Uh…thanks," I said. I accepted the Purse, who looked up at me skeptically. "We'll do the right thing with her."
"We shall all seek to live up to your example," Ersatz said, dipping his eyes. "Noble lady, I feel enriched for having met you."