The Abbess shook her head sadly. "After all my work. The Majaranarana's going to be angry."
"Afraid not," I said. I pointed. The swiftly-diminishing pile of coins in the center had melted away to the point where the bodies buried underneath it were visible. Hylida came to see. She gasped.
"The Majaranarana! We…we killed him!"
A couple of the Toadies gawked up at her.
"She's the one! She is responsible!"
The crowd surged around her, shouting and waving their arms. A few of the guards, who had sneaked back into the square to collect some of the gold and looked shocked to see their monarch flattened on the ground, drew their swords and homed in on the little abbess.
"Save her," Calypsa begged, as I pulled back toward the shelter of the mission.
"It'll should all right," Chin-Hwag said. "This has been coining for a long time. The city could descend into anarchy, but it has been trending that way for a long while. There might be a few guilty consciences, but Hylida is innocent. They shouldn't harm her. I am fairly certain." The Purse sounded uncertain.
"Hmmm." I pushed my way into the middle of the crowd and held Hylida's hand up over her head like a championship boxer.
"She's the one! She caused the miracle! She brought the shower of gold to punish the greedy despot!"
"Huh?"
I scooped up the hairpiece that had fallen off the deceased monarch, and plunked it on the head of the confused Sister Hylida. "What you need is the hair of the frog that fit you," I said. I turned to the crowd. "She freed you from the tyrant!"
The Toadies swarmed forward, chanting. At the sight of the wig on her head, even the guards joined in the jubilation.
"Hylida saved us from the tyrant! Hy-li-da! Hy-li-da! She saved us from poverty. Hy-li-da! Hy-li-da!"
The little Abbess shouted protests, but the crowd surged in around us. They hoisted her to their shoulders and marched out of the square, still chanting. I watched them go.
"Let's get out of here," I said to the others.
"Where?" Tananda asked.
"Anywhere but here. I need a good night's sleep, and I won't get it if any of them decides they want us in on the coronation ceremony, or whatever they're going to do once they reach the palace."
"But what about poor Hylida!" Calypsa said. "They will tear her apart."
"No, kid," I said. "She's just become a legendary hero. Unless you want to be one, too, minus one grandfather, we've got to move. The crowd looks ready for a celebration that will last a week, minimum."
"Are you sure?"
"I am," Kelsa and the book said at once.
"Look here," Kelsa and the book said at the same time. They glared at each other.
"They're carrying her, and the crowds are enormous, and you can't believe…!"
"The fated day has come to pass…!"
"One of you tell it," I said. "Payge, talk."
"I don't talk, I narrate," Payge said sourly. "Turn to page 836, and see. I have just felt an illumination sprout. I think it will tell you all you need to know."
I hauled the heavy cover over and thumbed through the heavily-illustrated pages until I found the indicated folio. On a page that began with an ornate capital I, for "In the heretofore blighted city of Sri Port, the reign of the tyrant Majaranarana Taricho came to pass, in the sacred enclosure of the mission of the Banana God Frojti. Grave was the suffering of the people of Toa, eased only by the Lady High Lida, whose kindness was as fragrant as the flowers."
"You need an editor," I groaned.
"No commentary, please," Payge said. "I record the vernacular."
I continued reading. "The Majaranarana threatened the Lady High Lida with imprisonment and torture to endure seven years if she did not give him treasure. Three strangers appeared from nowhere to her aid. A mighty battle was fought between the two sides. At the end of this battle, the Majaranarana was buried in a shower of gold. The holy mother superior High Lida flew overhead to reassure the masses that all would be well. She was acclaimed ruler of the region, and reigned for forty years in peace with her people and her neighbors."
"And she lived happily ever after," Calypsa said, with a happy sigh. "I am glad."
"There they are!" a voice cried. "The holy ones who helped our Hylida defeat the tyrant!"
A crowd of Toadies came running back into the square, beaming. They held dozens of flower garlands, and looked as though they intended to festoon us thoroughly. Tananda threw her arms around me. I grabbed Calypsa by the shoulder and thumbed the stud on the D-hopper.
Chapter 21
"WHERE ARE WE?" Calypsa asked, looking around at the foul-smelling room. "Who are they?" She asked, pointing at the reptilian bodies on the floor. "Are they all right? What are we doing here?"
"Bonhomme," I replied, curtly. "Bonhomies. Yes. Drunk is just about their natural state of being. They're friendly, and this is a safe place to get some rest and work out what we're doing next. Any other questions on this test?"
She recoiled slightly then held her chin up proudly. "That is all I require to know for the moment, thank you."
"Good," I said.
"I have a bone to pick with you, Pervert," Chin-Hwag said. "What gave you the idea to thrust the plastic ticket down my throat?"
"I've been around a while," I said modestly. "There are a lot of dimensions that use a new gizmo that originated in Zoorik," I said, modestly. "You stick a plastic card in this hole in the wall, and it spews out cash. It just made sense."
"This is quite modern?" Chin-Hwag asked.
"Pretty much."
"Hum. Then someone in the past must have seen me suffering my malady. You must promise me not to do that again!"
"If you cough up — excuse the expression — what the Hoard owes me, then I won't have to."
"I have already said I will make good on my fellow Hoarder's debt," Chin-Hwag said, her embroidery contracting into a sour expression.
"The overthrow of that miserable Toady might well have happened years before, if you had acted in a more assertive fashion," Ersatz said critically. "Why didn't you?"
"You question me?" Chin-Hwag said, slitting her eyes in annoyance. But she answered in a civil fashion. "She did not want me to. I have been trying years to persuade her that she was in a position to take over and rule as a benevolent queen. It was your precipitate arrival, and your sickening behavior."
"I am not the one who made you suck plastic," Ersatz said.
"You told him my weakness!"
"You told me yourself," I snapped. "Some of us mortals are capable of putting two and two together, you know."
"So they keep telling me," Chin-Hwag said, with a weary sigh. "Sums are only one of the things that all of you keep getting wrong."
"Now, there's about three dozen rooms in this place. Find one that's empty and get a little shut-eye. The food's mostly processed carbohydrates, but there's a lot of it, and no one will mind if you help yourself. The booze is community property, but I paid for plenty of it when I was here last."
"But, Aahz, we cannot rest now!" Calypsa said. "With Chin-Hwag, we lack only one of the great treasures."
"Aren't you tired?" Tananda asked her, in a soothing voice. She wrapped an arm around the girl's shoulders. "Tell her, Ersatz. A warrior is only as good as her preparation."
"Indeed, yes, wench," the Sword said. "Come, let us find a place where you may settle down and clean my blade, and I shall tell you the story of the battle of Corepos."
"And I will give you a potion in case that boring old saga doesn't manage to put you to sleep," Asti promised.