164 Robert Asprin
MYTH-ING PERSONS
165
mean, how are you supposed to stay mad at a villain
that cries? Okay. So I'm a soft tough. But the crying
really did make a difference.
"I can't fight you all!" he sobbed, tears streaming
down his cheeks. "Maybe if I knew some magic I could
take one of you with me ... but at least you're going to
have to work for your kill!"
With that he tore loose from my grasp and swooped
away.
His words stunned me so much I almost let him es-
cape. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to call out
to him.
"Hey, dummy! Nobody's trying to kill you!"
"Yeah, sure," he shouted back. "You're up here just
for the fun of it."
He was starting to bank toward the street, and I knew
I'd only have time for one more try.
"Look! Will you stop running if I quit chasing you? I
think there's a major misunderstanding here."
He glanced back over his shoulder and saw that I was
still where I was when we collided. Altering his course
slightly, he flared his wings and landed on a carved gar-
goyle ornament jutting out from the side of the build-
ing.
"Why should you want to talk?" he called, wiping his
face with one hand. "I thought nothing I could say
would change your mind."
"You'd be surprised," I shouted back. "Say, do you
mind if I land on that ledge near you? I feel pretty silly
just hanging here."
He glanced at the indicated ledge, and I could see his
wings flex nervously.
"C'mon," I urged. "I'll be further away from you
there than I was when we started this chase back on the
roof. You'll still have a clean shot at getting away if I try
anything."
He hesitated, then nodded his consent.
Moving slowly so as not to alarm him, I maneuvered
my way to my new perch. Truth to tell, I was glad to get
something solid under my feet again. Even using magic,
flying can take a lot out of you, and I was relieved to get
a chance to rest. Now that I was closer, I could see that
Vic was breathing heavily himself. Apparently his form
of flying was no picnic either.
"All right," I said in a much more conversational
tone. "Let's take this thing from the top. Who says
we're trying to kill you?"
"Matt does," the vampire responded. "He's the one
who filled me in on you and your pet demon. To be
honest with you, I had never even heard of you until
Matt explained whose home we had stumbled into."
"Matt?" I frowned.
Then I remembered. Of course. The third member of
the fugitive party. Luanna's old con artist partner who
nobody had been paying attention to at all. A germ of
an idea began to form in my head.
"And he says we're out to kill you?"
"That's right. According to him nobody crosses the
Great Skeeve or makes a fool of him and lives... and
using your house as an escape route definitely quali-
fies."
The reputation thing again. I was beginning to realize
why so many magicians preferred to lead the lives of
recluses.
"That's crazy, Vic." I said. "If I tried to kill every-
body who's made a fool of me, I'd be armpit-deep in
corpses."
"Oh yeah?" he shot back. "Well. if you aren't out to
166 Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 167
kill me, why did you send your pet demon after us?"
Despite my resolve to settle this thing amicably, I was
starting to get annoyed.
"First of all, he's not my pet demon. He's my partner
and his name is Aahz. Secondly, I didn't send him. He
knocked me out cold and came himself. Third and final,
he was never out to kill you. He was trying to bring you
and your cohorts back to Deva so we wouldn't get stuck
paying off the people you swindled plus a hefty fine.
Are you getting all this, or am I going too fast for you?"
"But I didn't swindle anybody," the vampire pro-
tested. "Those two offered me a job helping them sell
magic charms. I didn't know they weren't genuine until
Matt said the customers were mad and we had to run. I
suggested we hide out here because it's the only place I
know besides the Bazaar."
"Uh-huh," I said, studying the sky. "Next you'll be
saying you didn't frame my partner or sound the alarm
on us when we tried to spring him."
, Vic's wings dropped as he hung his head.
"That much I can't deny... but I was scared! I
framed the demon because it was the .only way I could
think of to get him off our trail for a while. I really
thought he could get loose on his own, and when I saw
you at the Woof Writers', I knew he was going to get
away. I sounded the alarm hoping you would all get
caught and be detained long enough to give us a head
start. Looking back on it, they were pretty ratty things
to do, but what would you do if you had a pack of killer
demons on your trail?"
Now that I could identify with. Chumley's words
about Vic and I being alike echoed in my ears. I had had
to improvise in some pretty hairy situations myself.
"Wait a minute!" I growled. "Speaking of killer de-
mons, what was that bit with you dangling Luanna over
the edge of the building back there?"
"I was bluffing," the vampire shrugged. "Your
friends were threatening to shoot me if I tried to fly
away, and it was the only thing I could think of to try to
get them to back off. I wouldn't deliberately hurt any-
one... especially Luanna. She's sweet. That's why I
was trying to help her escape with me after they caught
Matt."
That brought me to the question that had been nag-
ging at my mind since I started this wild chase.
"If you don't mind me asking, why didn't you just
change into mist and drift away? We could never have
caught you then."
Vic gave a short, bitter laugh.
"Do you know how rough it is to turn into mist?
Well, you're a magician. Maybe you do know. Anyway,
you might as well know the truth. I'm not much in the
magic department... in fact, I'm pretty much a bust as
a vampire. I can't even change all the way into a bat!
These wings are the best I've been able to do. That's
why I was looking for a new life in the Bazaar. I'd
rather be a first-class anything than a third-rate vam-
pire. I mean, I don't even like blood!"
"You should meet my bodyguard." I grinned despite
myself. "He's a gangster who's allergic to garlic."
"Garlic? I love garlic."
I opened my mouth to offer him Guido's job, then
shut it rapidly. If this character was half as desperate as
he sounded, he'd probably take the offer seriously and
accept, and then where would I be? All we needed to
complete our menagerie was a magic-poor vampire.
"Well," I said instead, "I guess that answers all my
questions except one. Now that you know we aren't try-
ing to kill you, are you ready to quit running and face
the music?"