blinding headache assaulted me with icepick intensity,
and my stomach flipped over and landed on its back
with all the grace of a lump of overcooked oatmeal.
Massha caught me by the shoulder as I started to list.
"Steady there, High Roller. Looks like your idea of
'okay' and mine are a little out of synch."
Ignoring her, I felt the back of my head cautiously
and discovered a large, tender lump behind my ear. If I
had had any doubts as to what had happened, they were
gone now.
"That bloody Pervert!" I said, flinching at the new
wave of pain brought on by the sound of my own voice.
"He must have knocked me out and gone in alone!"
"You mean Aahz? Dark, green, and scaly himself? I
don't get it. Why would your own partner sucker-punch
you?"
"So he could go through the door without me. I made;
MYTH-ING PERSONS
23
it very clear that I didn't want to be left behind on this
caper."
"Door? What door?" Massha said with a frown. "I
know you two have your secrets, Boss, but I think you'd
better fill me in on a few more details as to exactly
what's going on around here."
As briefly as I could, I brought her up to date on the
day's events, including the explanation as to why Aahz
and I had never said anything about the house's mys-
terious back door. Being a seasoned dimension traveler
herself, she grasped the concept of an unlisted dimen-
sion and its potential dangers much more rapidly than
Guide and Nunzio.
"What I don't understand is even if he didn't want
you along, why didn't he take someone else as a back-
up?"
"Like who?" I said with a wry grimace. "We've
already established that you're my apprentice and he
doesn't give you orders without clearing them through
me. He's never been impressed with Guido and Nunzio.
Tananda and Chumley are off on their own contracts
and aren't due back for several days. Even Gus is taking
a well-earned vacation with Berfert. Besides, he knows
good and well that if he started building a team and
excluded me, there'd be some serious problems before
the dust settled. I wouldn't take something like that
lying down!"
"Don't look now, but you just did," my apprentice
pointed out dryly, "though I have to admit he sort of
forced it on you."
With that, she slid a hand under each of my armpits
and picked me up, setting me gently on my feet.
"Well, now what? I supposed you're going to go
charging after him with blood in your eye. Mind if I tag
24
Robert Asprin MYTH-ING PERSONS 25
along? Or are you bound and determined to be as stupid
as he is?"
As a matter of fact, that was exactly what I had been
planning to do. The undisguised sarcasm in her voice
combined with the unsettling wobbliness of my legs,
however, led me to reconsider.
"No," I said carefully. "One of us blundering
around out there is enough ... or one too many, de-
pending on how you count it. While I still think I should
have gone along, Aahz has dealt this hand, so it's up to
him to play it out. It's up to me to mind the store until
he gets back."
Massha cocked an eyebrow at me.
"That makes sense," she said, "though I'll admit I'm
a little surprised to hear you say it."
"I'm a responsible businessman now." I shrugged.
"I can't afford to go off half-cocked like a rash kid any-
more. Besides, I have every confidence in my partner's
ability to handle things."
Those were brave words, and I meant them. Two days
later, however, this particular 'responsible business-
man' was ready to go off fully cocked. Guido and Nun-
zio ceased to complain about my sneaking off alone...
mostly because I didn't go out at all! In fact, I spent
most of my waking hours and all of my sleeping hours
(though I'll admit I didn't sleep much) in the reception
room on the off-chance that I could greet Aahz on his
triumphant return.
Unfortunately, my vigil went unrewarded.
I did my best to hide my concern, but I needn't have
bothered. As the hours marched on, my staff's worries
grew until most of my time was spent telling them, "No,
he isn't back yet. When he gets here, I'll let you know."
Even Guido, who never really got along with Aahz,
took to stopping by at least once an hour for a no-prog-
ress report.
Finally, as a salve for my own nerves, I called every-
one into the reception room for a staff meeting.
"What I want to know is how long are we just going
to sit around before we admit that something's gone
wrong?" Guido muttered for the fifth time.
"How long do you figure it takes to find a fugitive in
a strange dimension?" I shot back. "How long would it
take you to find them if they were on Klah, Guido?
We've got to give him some time."
"How much time?" he countered. "It's already been
two days...."
"Tananda and Chumley will be back any time now,"
Massha interrupted. "Do you think they'll just sit
around on their hands when they find out that Aahz is
out there all alone?"
"I thought you were the one who thought that going
after him was a stupid idea?"
"I still do. Now do you want to know what I think of
the idea of doing nothingi"
Before I could answer, a soft knock sounded at the
door ... the back door!
"See!" I crowed triumphantly. "I told you he would
be back!"
"That doesn't sound like his knock," Guido ob-
served suspiciously.
"And why should he knock?" Massha added. "The
door hasn't been locked since he left."
In my own relief and enthusiasm, their remarks went
unnoticed. In a flash I was at the door, wrenching it
open while voicing the greeting I had been rehearsing
for two days.
"It's about time, part... ner."
26
MYTH-ING PERSONS 27
Robert Asprin
It wasn't Aahz.
In fact, the being outside the door didn't look any-
thing at all like Aahz. What was doubly surprising,
though, was that I recognized her!
We had never really met... not to exchange names,
but shortly after meeting Aahz I had been strung up by
an angry mob while impersonating her, and I had seen
her in the crowd when I successfully "interviewed" for
the job of court magician at Possletum.
What I had never had a chance to observe first-hand
was her radiant complexion framed by waves of sun-
gold hair, or the easy grace with which she carried her-
self, or the....
"It's the Great Skeeve, right? Behind the open
mouth?"
Her voice was so musical it took me a few moments to
zero in on what she had said and realize that she was ex-
pecting an answer.
"Aahh ... yes. I mean, at your service,"
"Glad to finally meet you face-to-face," she said
briskly, glancing at Guido and Massha nervously. "I've
been looking for an excuse for a while, and I guess this
is it. Got some news for you... about your appren-