"You’ll go out when I say you go out," she yelled.
"Nope. Not any more. Sorry, Mother, I’m not playing the dutiful slave any more. For the first time ever, I have something. I have a boyfriend, I have friends-I have a life. I plan to live it. And you can just stay out of my way."
"YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BITCH!" she screamed.
That’s when Natalie lost it. "Ungrateful? What exactly should I be grateful for? The chance to pick up your empty vodka bottles? The fine, upstanding example you’ve set for me? The chance to have one of your loser slimeballs from Doc’s try to look down my nightie in the morning? The chance to cook your meals, do your laundry, clean your house? Or maybe I should be grateful for all those marvelous ‘dates’ you arranged for me with thirty-year-old men. Or maybe it’s the beatings. Or maybe ignoring everything about me that’s important. What should I be grateful for? Tell me."
The mother boiled over. "WHY YOU…" she yelled, and charged-as well as a drunk person can charge-right at Natalie from across the room. I’m a tall guy, but I can move. By the time she got to where Natalie had been standing-Natalie was behind me, and the mother was looking up at me. In shock.
"Uh-uh, no more of that," I said. "From now on, you want to hit Natalie, you get to go through me first. And if I hear about you hitting her when I’m not here, you’ll really be in trouble."
"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?" she bellowed.
"Who am I?" I said. "I am, apparently, the only person in this room that cares about Natalie. And I’m just her boyfriend. She’s your daughter. And you don’t care a damn thing about her. It’s pathetic." The mother didn’t know what to say to that, so I turned back to Natalie. She was looking at me-and the things on her face! Affection, awe-and gratitude. Lots of gratitude.
And I saw that, and didn’t get the Annie twinge. Imagine that. Thanks, Ellie. And Mike. And Natalie herself.
"Look, if you need to, you can stay at my place tonight," I told her. "My parents won’t mind. And if you’re uncomfortable sharing a bed with me, you can sleep in my sister’s room."
"No, that’s OK," she grinned. "I wouldn’t want to stay in your sister’s room if I did that, and I don’t think I’d get any homework done," she said with a twinkle. "It’s OK. Look at her, you scared the shit out of her." The mother had returned to her chair, drinking more and grumbling to herself. "I’ll be fine."
"You’d better be." I leaned over and kissed her, nice and long. "You have my phone number."
"I do, but I’ll be fine. See you tomorrow." I gave her another quick kiss and went out the door. But I stayed and listened. I heard "Goodnight mother," followed by more drunken grumbling, followed by Natalie’s bedroom door closing.
Satisfied, I walked back out to my car and drove home-happy. Imagine that.
PART FIVE FRIDAY
I woke up Friday morning feeling like a whole new person.
Mother was still passed out. Good. I didn’t want to deal with her. I left her a note. It said that I had a date tonight, didn’t know when I was coming home, and I didn’t care what she thought about it.
Then I went to school. Something dawned on me on the way, which made me want to do something-but I had to run it by Ed.
He was already there. I got in his car. He beamed and gave me a huge kiss.
That’s something that had crept up on me the past couple of days. Kissing is nice. I hadn’t done much of that.
"Ed, I have something I’d like to discuss with you. And, unfortunately, I’m afraid it’s going to hit you right square in your insecurities."
"Uh-oh," he chucked. "What’s up?"
"Today’s our last day in the Program." He nodded. "And I’m going to get, you know-grabbed. And I wanted to try and see if I could relax and enjoy it," I admitted. "I want to find out if it’s just you."
"Does it matter if it’s just me?" he asked.
"Yes." He shot me a look. "But not for the reasons you’re thinking. Damn I knew this was going to hit you the wrong way!"
He smiled. "OK. Look, I’m not going to jump the gun. This time, I will relax and you can explain it to me. You know what I’m thinking. Why do you care, are you looking for something better, blah blah blah. So, I’ll just shut those stupid thoughts up and let you explain it to me."
I had to laugh. "It is not that. It’s just for my own personal knowledge. Look, Ed, we’re young. A lot can happen."
"You mean I might get hit in the head with a line drive and get amnesia and forget how to make you cum, and you’d need a substitute?" he grinned.
I just burst out laughing. "You goof!"
"Seriously, no, I understand what you mean."
"And not just that," I continued. "This is my last chance to enjoy The Program. Most people have. I have in some ways, but not in that way. I’d like to see if I’m capable of it."
"Go for it," he said. "I want to see you get so worked up you need to ask for relief."
"NEVER!" I blurted. He just laughed. "Have you?"
"A couple times. I did it in other classes, ones we don’t have in common. Two or three times."
"I’ve seen it before, but tend to look away," I admitted. "I just didn’t want to know."
"The best one I ever saw was in bio," he grinned. "But you weren’t in that class in September, were you?"
"No, I had to change my schedule around at the beginning of October, because my English class was too remedial."
"How’d you get stuck in a remedial class?" he laughed.
"Computer glitch, what else?"
"Ah," he said. "Anyhow, first week of the program, Jared and Amanda did each other. With their hands, as an experiment Ms. T had set up. One of the most incredible things I’ve ever seen. Found out later that that is when they figured out they were in love with each other."
"That’s so sweet," I said. "It’s time."
"Yeah." He leaned over and kissed me again, then opened his door. I got out of mine. We walked up to the entrance where everyone was gathered for the undressing. I had dreaded it every day. And it had affected Ed-he was too busy watching out for me to be his Ed self. So, as we walked up to it, I whispered in his ear, "It’s our last time doing this. Make it fun."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," I smiled.
He grinned at me and bounded up the stairs. "Now batting, the third baseman, number 18, Ed Bauer!" Everyone cheered. Ed started taking off clothes. I sat on the wall at the entrance and just watched him. "Ed is batting.338, with 4 homers and 12 runs batted in early on here in the season." More clothes shed. "Ed also sports quite a set of biceps, firm washboard abs, a luscious tushy, and an eleven-inch woody."
Everyone laughed-and I couldn’t resist. I just couldn’t. I blurted out, "Eleven inches? Yeah, in base two, maybe!"
He looked at me in shock, and then burst out laughing. "You’re challenging me for the king of quips? Don’t quit your day job, sweetie." He grinned at me. "Your turn." I grinned back, stood up, and started working on my blouse. "Now we have the lovely and talented Natalie Weinberg," he went on. "I don’t know what number’s on the back of her shirt, but I do know there’s too many buttons on the front of it." I looked up and smirked at him, and just kept working on the buttons. "Natalie is sporting-what are those, 36 D’s?"
"Good guess," I grinned.
"I’m good," he grinned back. "Anyhow, Natalie is sporting a set of 36 D boobs, a firm yet voluptuous ass, and legs that won’t quit. Stats? She’s ranked seventh in the junior class." I looked at him in surprise. He just grinned back. Then I realized there were ‘oooohs’ running through the crowd. "That’s right, folks, she’s a genuine brain. Which you should have figured out, right? I mean, she made a joke, and it was a geeky math joke!" Everyone howled at that, even me. "So, she’s got brains and that body. How can you go wrong?" God, he was embarrassing me! But I told him to have fun, right? And, you know what-it was fun, even with the extreme embarrassment. "So, here we are, our last day in the program," he said after I had finished stripping. "But, don’t fret, very soon, we’ll be starring in our very own motion picture. It’s going to be called Beauty and the Third Baseman. Toodleoo!" And he led me through the doors.