He took care of me. Wasn’t that new! And I got the impression that it was new for him, too. He even managed to not make me feel like I was imposing.
Anyhow, I had to go back to school nude again-thanks, Mom and Dad. And I needed help. Was I prepared to admit that to someone else, that was the question. Maybe if I were casual about it. I just couldn’t see walking up to that door at school and stripping all alone again. I think I’d collapse. I tried to envision doing it while summoning up my usual defiant bitchiness-and I couldn’t do it.
I found the phone book. There was only one Shiell in there, it was under a woman’s name-I remembered that Dave lived with just his Mom-and it was fairly close to me, and Dave had said he lived close by. I figured that one had to be it.
I stared at the phone for a long time. When I finally decided to do it, it was still early enough-but not so early that he wouldn’t be up.
"Hello?" a woman said at the other end.
"Hello. I hope I have the right number. I’m looking for David Shiell."
"Yes, you do have the right number," the woman said. "Would you like to talk to him?"
"Yes, please," I said.
"David, phone," I heard her say. Then, she whispered, "It’s a girl!" I stifled a giggle. Poor Dave!
"Hello?"
"Hi, it’s Missy."
"Hi!" He sounded happy to hear from me, surprise surprise. "How are you feeling?"
"A little better. Still sore, but it’s better. Listen, I was wondering. Would you like a ride to school today?"
"Sure, that’d be great. You know where I live?"
"I know the street." He described which house was his. "Great. I’ll be over in a few minutes."
I got dressed and headed over. I knocked on the door and met his Mom. She led me into the kitchen and Dave was there, still in his pajamas, eating pancakes.
"Oh, dear. I’m earlier than I thought I was," I said, looking at my watch.
"That’s fine," he smiled. "Sit."
"Missy, have you eaten?" his Mom asked.
Just then, my stomach let out a loud growl. "Oh, that was so ladylike," I said, embarrassed. David just laughed.
"I’ll take that as meaning you haven’t eating," his mom giggled. "Here, let me get you some pancakes. I made plenty."
"Thank you," I said gratefully. "Actually, I haven’t eaten since yesterday lunch."
"No wonder your stomach is yelling at you," Dave laughed. Then he got serious. "You got put back into The Program, didn’t you."
"Yeah."
"I don’t know how Mr. Tilling could do that!" Dave said indignantly. "He saw you yesterday!"
"It’s not his fault," I said. "My father called him, and we all know how much clout Daddy has. He probably twisted poor Mr. Tilling’s arm so hard he sprained his shoulder."
"Why would your parents do such a thing?" his Mom asked.
"Because no daughter of theirs is going to be a quitter. No daughter of theirs is going to disgrace the family name. I did what I did last week, and now I have to tough it out and take my punishment. Blah blah blah." I took a bite of pancake. "Y’see, all my parents care about is how useful you can be to them. They’re users. That’s their whole M.O."
And that’s when it hit me. That’s when it hit me what the hell I was doing. I dropped my fork and stared at Dave in horror.
"What?" he said.
"And I’m just like them," I said. "Dammit, I’m just like them! Damn, damn, damn." I almost started crying, but managed to hold it back.
"What are you talking about?" Dave asked.
"I called you because I couldn’t bear walking in that door at school alone," I managed to get out. "I was looking for a crutch. Dammit, Dave, I’m using you, sure as my parents use everyone around them."
"I don’t mind," he said pleasantly. "It goes both ways. Look, I have to go shave and stuff. I’ll be back in a minute."
I just looked at him, completely confused. His mother wiped her hands, and sat down at the table across from me. "Missy," she said, "let me tell you a few things. You know David’s father died when he was young." I nodded. "And he told me that yesterday you called him a Mama’s boy."
"I was just teasing," I said.
"I know-and so does Dave-but there’s some truth to it. Missy, David’s been overprotected. I hid him in my skirts, so to speak. After my husband died, I went a little off-the-wall, OK? David dealt very well with it, but I was scared to let him out of my sight."
"I realized what I was doing right when he started high school. So I decided it was time to loosen the apron strings. Because I was stunting him, and I knew it. However, that kind of thing is hard to break. For him, I mean."
"He retreats. He doesn’t take risks. He plays it safe, always looking for somewhere to hide. Usually back in my skirts, and I’ll admit that it’s a hard habit for me to break as well. I’m thrilled I have such a close relationship with my son, but he needs more than just his mother."
"That having been said, maybe you can realize what a huge leap it was for him to help you out yesterday. He’s never done that-never had to. And, let me tell you something-finding out he could do that, well it made him feel good. He’s thrilled you called him this morning to help you out. And don’t give me that program partner crap, because that’s not it. I’d wager that you’ve asked for help in your life very rarely." I confirmed that with a nod. "And Dave’s been asked for help very rarely. That’s not anyone using anyone else. That’s two people figuring out what the other has to offer, OK?"
I thought about that one for a minute. "It still seems like using to me," I said. "Well, maybe mutual using."
"That’s because that is what you’re used to," she said. "It’s hard to recognize it as anything else in that case."
"But you don’t understand," I said. "You’re catching me in one of my very few vulnerable moments. If I got a full head of steam up, I could flatten Dave like a steamroller."
"Then, don’t," she said simply. I stared at her. "Don’t. It’s as simple as that. Missy, nobody is preprogrammed. We can all learn. It’s your choice. Look, I didn’t plan to lose the love of my life at 38 years old, either, OK? That wasn’t part of the program. But life isn’t preprogrammed, as I said. I had to adjust because of something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy-but adjust I did. I think you might even have better reasons to adjust. Don’t run Dave over. Just make a choice that you’re not going to do that. Let yourself lean on him. I can promise you, he won’t let you down."
Wow. That gave me a lot to think about. Just then, David came back downstairs.
"Hey. Ready to go?" he asked.
"Yeah." I turned to his mother. "Thanks," I said.
"You’re welcome," she smiled. Then we headed out.
"Your mother’s cool," I said as I started the car.
"That she is," David agreed. He took a breath. "Look, there is a difference between using someone, and asking for help."
"OK," I said. And then took a deep breath. "I’m asking for help."
"You got it," he smiled.
"Undressing was a nightmare yesterday," I admitted. "They wanted to ‘help’. That’s a reasonable request, right? Sure it is. They ripped my shirt, snapped my bra-hard-made cow noises when they took my pants off."
"Hmm," Dave said. "I think I can take care of that."
"How?"
"Trust me. Just go with the flow and don’t act surprised at anything I say, OK?"
"OK," I said, but I was wondering what he had in mind.
Anyway, we quickly got to school. Dave and I approached the entrance. All his friends were there-including Cassie-which made me very uncomfortable. Especially when he went over and whispered something to a group of them. But nobody said anything to me.
David stripped, to the sound of his friends chanting "DAVID! DAVID! DAVID!" He gave it a little flourish for their benefit. It was funny. This really was getting easier for him.