Naked In School

"No, it wasn’t," I giggled. "But thank you. It was a very sweet thought."

"You’re welcome," she smiled.

Dammit. Ellie Kirkland was right. She was so right.

I had to do something. I couldn’t say it, not now. I’d never be able to get it out. So, I wrote it. After Cassie left the lunch table, I grabbed a piece of paper, and wrote her a little note. On the way to biology, I slipped it in her locker, knowing she stopped there after the next period. It said:

Cass,

Thank you for being my friend, even after all the shit I’ve pulled. It means more to me than you’ll ever know, especially right now. I love you. Missy

After Bio, I walked past her locker. Not close enough for her to see me, but I could see her. I saw her reading it. She was crying. And I got out of there before I started.

CHAPTER TWENTY DAVID

She seemed different, somehow, when I saw her at lunch. More at peace, yet more apprehensive at the same time, if that’s possible. But when I told her that I liked her, a lot of the apprehension went away.

It seemed that it was becoming increasingly important to her how I felt about her. Look, I did like her, but I liked this Missy. I didn’t like the one I had known before this week. Which one was the real one?

Although, going to see Ellie Kirkland was a good sign. I saw her for a while during middle school-even though it was years after Dad died, it crept up on me. I saw Ellie for a few months. It helped, a lot. She knows her stuff. The fact that she went to see Ellie impressed me.

As did what I found out after school. When she came in to last period, she looked-well, it’s hard to describe. Not upset. But emotional. I couldn’t talk to her then, but we walked out of school together, and got dressed together. Then I walked with her to the parking lot.

"Would you mind holding me?" she said, tentatively, out of a clear blue sky. I opened my arms, she leapt into them, and started bawling her eyes out. I let her, and, after she had calmed down, I said, "What’s wrong?"

"Nothing’s wrong. I’m just emotional." She took a deep breath. "Ellie talked to me today about finding out who cares about me, and trying to see myself the way they see me. And, after that, I get to lunch and see Cass with her grand scheme to get us together." She smiled at that. "I was so touched by that, you have no idea. Even after all the shit I pulled, she still cares about me. I couldn’t say anything, but I put a note in her locker."

"What did it say?" I asked her.

"Basically, it said thank you for being my friend even with all my shit. And it said that I loved her. She opened it after fifth period. I saw her, but she didn’t see me. She was crying. I held mine in until just then," she smiled.

Just then Cassie came barreling down the parking lot, Frankie in tow. Cassie took one look at Missy, and started bawling. As did Missy. They ended up bawling in the midst of a hug. Frankie shot me a wry look as if to say "Blubbering females!" But these were the two most beautiful blubbering females I’d ever seen.

"I love you, too, you know," I heard Cassie say. "The real you. And we both know who the real you is." Missy just grinned and blubbered some more.

After they had left-Frankie had a game, and Cassie went to watch him play-Missy leaned on her car, rather spent.

"You look beat," I said.

"Long emotional day," she replied.

"Do you still want to go out tonight?"

"Absolutely!" she beamed at me. "In fact, get in this car. I have to get you home, and go get ready. By the way, am I picking you up?"

"No," I laughed. "My turn. I wrangled the car from Mom."

"OK," she grinned, and we got in. We didn’t talk much on the way home, but she was in a good mood. We pulled up to my house, and I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "We’ll save anything else for tonight," I said. She giggled. "Six OK?"

"Six is fine. See you then."

I got out, and walked up to the door.

"What, no shows today?" Mom laughed when I got in.

"You need a job. Well, one that gives you more hours." Mom worked "mother’s hours" in a boutique downtown. We weren’t hard up for money, Mom had won a huge lawsuit when Dad had died.

"You stay out of my working life."

"As long as you stay out of my love life," I teased. "Missy had a very eventful day," I said, changing the subject. I described some of it to her.

"She’s love-starved. I told you that," Mom replied when I was done.

"You know what? So am I." She looked at me in surprise. "Maybe not as much as she is, because I’ve got you, and a couple good friends I know I can count on. But, Mom, the way she looks at me! I’ve realized that I need that."

"How do you feel about her right now?"

"I like her, a lot, as long as what I’m seeing this week is who she really is. And I’m becoming more and more convinced that it is. I can’t believe how open she’s become, today especially. Writing that note to Cass took a lot, I know that much. Going to see Ellie took a lot as well."

"Yes, I agree. Just be careful."

"Yeah, I know."

"So, you got through The Program, anyway," she grinned.

"Yes, I did," I grinned. "And it wasn’t so bad. Well, I could’ve done without the black eye, but it wasn’t so bad outside of that. Imagine that."

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE MISSY

I got home. Things had gone very well today. I thought they’d go well tonight, with David. Somehow, I didn’t think they were going to go very well in the interim.

I went up to my room, hoping not to see anyone. Unfortunately, Mom caught me.

"So, you made it through The Program," she said snottily.

"More or less," I said.

"Well, did you learn anything?"

"Actually, I did," I admitted. "I learned a lot. I learned that I need to cultivate relationships with people that care about me, that I need to bask in their caring and not abuse them. Cassie really does care about me. What I did to her was inexcusable. I need to stop doing that."

"Good," she said in a self-satisfied way.

"I also learned how to figure out exactly who does care about me. But the bad thing I learned is that the list of people who care about me is far too small. And that that list does not, I’m sorry to say, include you. Or Dad."

"What?" she said.

"You don’t," I said, in an even tone of voice, albeit a bit sadly. I wasn’t going to raise my voice. "To you, I’m a thing. That’s the way you are. Our old house wasn’t ‘good enough’ for the Jenkins family, so we moved here a few years ago. The Mercedes gets a ding? Buy a new one. There’s a new top of the line home entertainment system available? Gotta have it, even though the old one is perfectly fine. Jeez, you and Dad even do it to each other. Sex with your spouse isn’t quite up to par? Find somebody else to fuck. As long as everything looks good to everyone else, then all is well."

She was looking at me in shock. But I wasn’t done.

"The problem is, you do it to me, too. But, horror of horrors, you can’t trade me in for a new model. You’re stuck with me. You expected the Mercedes of daughters, and you’re stuck with a Chevy. And you can’t stand it. You and Dad are users. You use other people, you use possessions. And you try to use me, but since I don’t meet your expectations, you find me mostly useless. And that’s just how you treat me."

"Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a date tonight. With David, who-surprise surprise-is on the list of people who care about me. And I need to find something to wear." I walked into my walk-in closet, and rummaged around for an outfit. When I came back out, she was gone.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO DAVID

I picked her up at six. She was waiting for me, and came out the door before I even had a chance to knock.