Anyhow, the counselor came down, and Irene’s parents were called. They all went to the counselor’s office to talk, and Mr. Tilling walked them up. "Stay here, you two. Relax. Catch your breath," he said to us, and closed the door behind us.
We were on the couch in Mr. Tilling’s office, and I snuggled up to him. "You are my fucking hero, you know that?"
That’s when he let loose. I wasn’t surprised, I saw it coming. He cried a little, and shook a little in my arms. I let him let it out.
"Oh, Jesus, what did I just do?" he finally said "Oh Christ. This is gonna come back to bite me in the ass, I just know it."
"What do you mean?"
"I just took out two very large football players! Shit, when they catch me at a point when I don’t have the advantage of surprise, I’m dead."
"Not gonna happen."
"I wish I were as sure of that as you are. Jesus," he said again, "what did I do?"
"The right thing," I told him firmly. "The right thing, that’s what you did. You did what good people do. In fact, you beat me to it."
"Oh, you were going to jump them?" he smiled. "You should’ve joined in, I could’ve used the help."
"No, silly, I’m not strong enough to hit them. No, I had a different plan. A plan you saved me from using, thank you very much."
"Amanda, what were you going to do?"
"Well, um…" Should I tell him? I figured I’d better. Openness, right? "Well, I was, er, going to offer myself to them if they left Irene alone."
He gasped. "You weren’t."
"Yeah, I was," I admitted. "Don’t get me wrong, it would’ve been disgusting and horrible and I wouldn’t have enjoyed a second of it. I hate those two. But I figured it would be a lot less traumatic for me than it would be for Irene, considering that I’m not a virgin, and considering I probably wouldn’t have even felt those two pencil-dicks after having you in me." He cracked up. "Really," I continued. "Did you see those two? Ain’t got nothin’. If they ever dropped their drawers in front of a girl that they weren’t trying to rape they would get laughed out of the building."
Jared laughed louder. "You’re something else, you know that? Anyhow, now I’m glad I took them out, because I could not have watched that. Two guys that had just tried to rape one of my best friends, sticking it to my girlfriend? Could not have watched that. Not without being sent up the river for double murder, anyhow."
"Hmm. Good point. I’ll admit I didn’t think of that. I was thinking of Irene."
"Of course you were, and I probably should apologize to you, because, thinking back on it, I put you in danger back there."
"You were thinking of Irene, too. It’s OK."
Just then, Mr. Tilling walked back in his office. He had Ms. T with him. "Hello, Jared, Amanda. You two OK?"
"I think I’m in fear for my life," Jared said.
"Don’t be," Mr. Tilling told him. "The police are searching for those two as we speak. Don’t worry about it."
"I can’t help worrying. I walk through those woods every day."
"We’ll think of something. Now, then, we have to discuss what happened, because it’s going to have consequences that are going to affect you two."
Jared took that the wrong way. "If you tell me I’m about to be suspended for fighting, I will sue."
"What?" Mr. Tilling said. "Of course not! Jared, absolutely not. You’re a hero. Don’t forget that."
"I’m no hero."
"Yes you are, but we’ll argue about that another time."
That’s when Ms. T spoke up. "No, Jared, Amanda, we’re talking about a different kind of consequences. Do you guys have clothes at school?"
"No," I said, confused.
"Well, we’ll let you go home and get some, then," Ms. T said, very sadly. "Because we think it’s time we let The Program run its course."
"NO!" I blurted out. "You can’t!!"
"I agree. No way," Jared agreed.
"Huh?" Mr. Tilling said.
"You can not do this," I said. I stood up. "You can’t. It’s insane. Do you realize what The Program has done for me? I’m sexually aware, which I wasn’t. I’m comfortable in my own skin and with my own sexuality, which I wasn’t. I’m open, which I wasn’t. I feel free, which I didn’t. I’ve learned to let other people into my life in a real way, which I never could do. I went from being a goddamn smiling doll to being a real person. The Program made me deal, with myself, with other people, with feelings I was suppressing, with things I never thought I could deal with-and I learned I could. I am a far different person than I was five days ago, and every single solitary change has been overwhelmingly for the better. The Program is the best damn thing that’s ever happened to me-well, except for Jared, but without The Program he wouldn’t have happened to me either. You can not shut it down."
"Hear, hear; and ditto," Jared said.
"But, Amanda, after what happened today?" Mr. Tilling said.
Oh, I was working up a full head of steam now. "You’re going to blame that on The Program? No way. Put the blame for that where it belongs. On Ellison and Ryan. And on the administration of this school." Mr. Tilling got red at that one. "I’m not kidding. Peter and Scott are assholes, well-known assholes. They bully, they intimidate, and they cheat. And everyone in this school, including you, Mr. Tilling, knows it. But they are continually let slide, because they’re football players. I’m a cheerleader, Mr. Tilling, you think I don’t know what goes on? Oh, the vast majority of the football team are great guys, some of my best friends play football. But there’s a small subset of assholes who bully and intimidate everyone around them. And you’ve got a football coach who only cares about winning football games, and will come up with any excuse he can think of to get his asshole players off the hook. He covers up for them, and anyone with a brain knows it. And youbuy it."
By this point, Mr. Tilling was looking at me like I had grown an extra head. "So, you think about that. You think about how assholes like those two are allowed to get away with shit, until they think they can get away with something really horrific, like trying to rape Irene Ying. And if you can come up with any way that any of this has to do with The Program, then you’re a mental contortionist. There are a thousand guys in this school who have watched a number of girls parade around naked this week, and none of them, except two assholes, have attempted raping anyone. And I’d venture a guess that almost every single one of them wouldn’t even think of such a thing. So, you keep blaming The Program, but it makes no sense to me. You know what the problem is. You blame The Program, you’re blaming the victim. You’re saying that the problem was Irene, that the problem was that she was naked. But you know as well as I do how asinine that is."
I took a deep breath. "You do what you have to do. But I’m telling you right now what I am going to do. It’s almost the end of second period. There are six periods left, and lunch. I’m going to march out of this office, and I’m going to head for my third period class, and I am going to do it without a single fucking stitch of clothing on! Because I’m still in The Program, goddammit!" And with that, I stormed out.
I stopped in the outer office with a start. I couldn’t believe I had just done that! And, oh shit, I had left Jared in there!
"Impressive. Very impressive," Mrs. Lennox said. She had obviously just heard the whole performance.
I looked at her, and let out a nervous giggle. "Oh, shit, I think I just got my ass expelled."
Just then, Jared slipped out of the office. "Did they say anything?"
"No," he giggled, "they’re just looking at each other in stunned disbelief. I slipped out before they realized I was still in there." He came up and hugged me, and then threw my own words back at me: "You are my fucking hero, you know that?"