Naked In School

"Yeah, now there’s a shock," I teased her.

"Can I continue now?" Ms T asked, smiling. "Anyhow, we want to know what you think of The Program. We want to know how having people in class going through it has affected you. Also, Jared and Amanda both have close friends in this class-what have you thought seeing a good friend go through it?"

Maggie raised her hand. Ms T just grinned at her. "This is a serious comment, Ms. T," Maggie said.

"OK, shoot."

"I’ve been friends with Amanda for a long time. She’s probably my best friend. I think I know her pretty well. And in all the while I’ve known her, she’s always been a complete tight-ass." Everyone laughed-except I just glared at her. "Don’t give me that look, girl, you know I’m right. Anyhow, she’s so much not a tight-ass now I can’t believe it. The Amanda Frazier I’ve known for years wouldn’t think about walking around with a sign proclaiming how overfucked she is! I keep looking over at her to make sure it’s the same person."

"Is this good or bad?" Ms. T asked.

"It’s good," Maggie asserted. "Being a tight-ass is no way to go through life. I like her more loosened up like this. She’s still the same Amanda, only more open."

"I’m not sure about that," Reyna Jorgens, one of my usual crowd, piped up.

"What do you mean, Reyna?" Ms. T asked.

"To me, she’s almost like a completely different person. She used to be so composed. And now this. I’m not quite sure how to take it, actually."

"What do you think about that, Amanda?"

"Well, I see both their points," I said. "For one thing, I don’t think I’m the same person. However, Maggie’s my very best friend. While I’m friends with Reyna, it’s not really close like Maggie and I are. So I can see where Maggie saw the real me all these years, and other people, who weren’t as close to me as Maggie is, didn’t see."

"The real you?" Reyna asked.

"Yup, and this is it. That other person that existed a week ago isn’t."

"I don’t know if that’s good, that’s what I mean," Reyna said. "Amanda, you were always so sweet and warm and friendly."

"She still is," Jared piped up.

"I think I’m more so. Or at least I’m more honest about it," I began. "Reyna, I was warm and friendly to everybody. In equal amounts. Because that’s what you do to become Most Popular. And you never knew if I was cursing you underneath my breath every time I forced myself to be nice to you. Now, Reyna, in your case, that’s not true, I think you’re cool. But, my point is, even if it had been true, you would’ve never known. There are people in this school who think I’m the nicest thing ever-because I was faking it. A week ago, I probably would have been nice to the two assholes that attacked Irene. Think about how warped that is."

I took a breath. "And that goes both ways, too. I was superficially warm and nice and friendly to those who I hated, and my closest friends, and in equal measures. Maggie’s been my best friend for six years, and not once in all that time have I ever told her that I loved her. Well, until now."

It is very, very difficult to say anything that shocks Maggie Benson. I had just done it.

"And it’s true. I do love her. And I shouldn’t be afraid to say it, nor should I be afraid to dismiss people who don’t deserve the time of day from me. I can’t count the number of times that I’ve gone to a party and spent the whole party flitting from person to person being witty and charming-when what I really wanted to be doing was sitting in the corner with Maggie and Michelle Ingemi, gossiping. That’s not going to happen anymore. And that goes doubly true now that I have a boyfriend."

"So, yeah, I’ve changed. The people that I care about, well, I hope they know more now how much I care about them. And the people that I don’t care about, I don’t care about. Nobody in this room, actually-everyone in here that I know well at all, I like. But there are others, who probably were all set to vote me Miss Popular for the yearbook, who will now think I’m a bitch. So be it."

"Honestly, I consider Amanda a friend," Ed Bauer spoke up, "and I like her better this way. And it’s not that she’s discovered her sexuality or anything like that, because I’m not getting any." Even I laughed at that. "It’s because I do think she’s more genuine. That’s cool."

"This is a good start," Ms. T said. "Now, do any of you have comments on how having fellow students in The Program has affected you."

A girl named Allie Fitzpatrick raised her hand. "This is difficult…and I’m going to embarrass someone, I know. But it’s forced me to examine my preferences."

"What do you mean?" Ms. T said.

Allie blushed furiously. "Look, I’m not a virgin. It’s only been a couple of times, but I liked it. I know I like guys. And Jared is damn good looking. So why do I keep staring at Amanda?" I let out a little nervous giggle at that. "And it’s not just her, there’s a girl that I’ve seen in The Program this week, I think she’s a senior, and she’s gorgeous!"

"What’s wrong with that?" Ms. T asked.

"It’s not that nothing’s wrong with it, but, like I said, I know I like guys. Being attracted to girls is new."

"Nothing wrong with bisexuality," Ms. T said.

"Absolutely true. For some people," Lisa Sherrick said. "Me, I’ll continue to stare at Amanda."

"I agree with you completely," Jared piped up.

"Jeez," I said in mock-exasperation, "is there anyone in this room not staring at me?"

"I’M NOT!" I should’ve known. Why did I even ask? Maggie, of course.

"You think I’m bi?" Allie asked.

"If you know you like guys, and you now think you’re attracted to girls, I think it’s a possibility," Ms. T said. "I think it’s something you should think about. And I mean, think about-not worry over."

"Thanks, Ms. T," Allie said. "That makes a lot of sense."

"Great. Anything else?" Ms. T asked.

A few more people offered their opinions, most of them positive. One girl who grew up in a pretty repressive anti-sex house said that some of the things that went on had opened her eyes. "I don’t think I am ready for this right now, but my Dad was going on one of his sex-is-evil rants last night. And I was thinking about what Jared and Amanda were talking about yesterday, about their first time, and all I could think of was that sex sounded fun to me. It’s changed my outlook drastically."

It was very interesting.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE JARED

It was an interesting class. After Ms. T took everyone’s comments, she asked about The Program. She asked who would definitely be interested in doing it, and about half the class’s hands went up. She asked who’d like to do it but their parents would never give permission-a few hands went up. She asked who wasn’t sure but might, and a few more hands went up. And she asked who would never do it under any circumstances-and Lisa Sherrick’s hand went up.

"No way, no how, not ever. And if my parents ever tried to slip a fast one and sign me up, I’d drop out of school and get my GED."

"I’m surprised," Ms. T. "You always seemed pretty open about these things, and you never seemed to have any kind of phobia about your body. You’re not repressed. You might not be nude, but you dress pretty sexy."

"Oh, it’s not the undressing part that bothers me," she said. "I’ll come in and parade around naked all day long. It’s the other stuff. Being groped? Going to the boy’s showers?"

"That’s designed as a learning experience, for you and the boys." Ms. T said.

"I don’t need to learn a damn thing from boys," Lisa maintained. "I know what I am. I’m a lesbian. I have no intention of not being a lesbian. And the last thing I ever want is some guy’s hand on my boobs, or in my twat-and I certainly don’t want to go into a boy’s locker room and look at a bunch of hairy dicks. Now, I don’t have a problem with seeing guys who themselves are in the program. Jared and his waving dick up there don’t disgust me or anything. You know, it’s probably the same way straight guys react to a guy in The Program-yeah, whatever, lead me to the naked girls. It doesn’t bother me having guys in The Program wandering around naked. But I certainly don’t want to be nude and the center of attention myself around them. I think The Program’s great-if you’re straight. It’s very hetero-centric. Look, I don’t hate guys. Some of my best friends are guys. One good thing about being in this class for this week is I’ve found out that Jared is a very cool person who I’d like to get to know better. But he does absolutely nothing for me sexually, and never will. And though I think he’s cool and would like to have him as a friend, I’d never want him groping me."