"What does Jared say about that?"
"He doesn’t mind. Says it’s fine."
"Would you give him the same opportunity to experiment if he wanted?"
"Of course. I’ve told him that."
"And do you think this experimenting will cause you to lose him, or him to lose you?"
"No," I said definitely, with a smile. "Sex is one thing. Love is another. Sex and love together is something else entirely."
"In other words, the other guys were fun, but Jared…"
"Makes the earth move," I finished for her.
"There you go. As long as you know that, and never forget it, don’t worry about it. As long as you and Jared agree on things, and can keep your relationship where it should be, don’t worry about it. And Jared loves you completely, I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you."
"I love him just as much."
"I can see that in your eyes, too," she smiled. "So, as long as you guys agree on the limits and it doesn’t damage what you have together, what’s the problem? I’ll tell you the truth. If I had been able to develop a carefree attitude towards it at your age, I wouldn’t be toting around all these hang-ups. I would never have been able to say ‘I feel like a wanton harlot and part of me likes it.’ Because I did feel that way, and none of me liked it. And that is because I was using sex to get what I really wanted-love. You don’t have to do that."
"What do you mean?" I asked her.
"Look, when you have sex with Jared, does it intensify your love for one another?"
"Well, yeah." I admitted.
"When you had sex with Ed, was there any of that?"
"No. I don’t love Ed. Well, I love him, but as a friend. I’m not in love with him. It’s a completely different thing. I guess it was mostly physical-laced with affection, because we really are good friends, but mostly physical. When Jared and I are together, the emotional equals the physical. Hell, there are times when the emotional overwhelms the physical." I looked down at the floor, and softly admitted, "Jared has made me cry. And I’m not talking about in pain, either. I don’t think there’s another person in the world that could do that."
"There you go. That’s my point. I never learned that. I was looking for that kind of emotional experience with every guy I was ever with-because that was my goal. And when it didn’t happen, I felt guilty. Because, since physical pleasure wasn’t what I wanted-when that’s all I got, I felt guilty." She smiled at me. "You know the difference. And I’m glad you do. I also think you know what’s more valuable."
"Yes, I do," I laughed. "Look, if Jared gave me an ultimatum-me, or sleeping around-sleeping around would be gone. In a heartbeat. No questions asked, no regrets. But, yeah, sometimes the physical needs start calling, and he’s not there. I was completely strung out at gym, and Jared knew it, and he’s not there, and that’s why he told me to go for it." I blushed. "And, I admit it-I suppose I do get a little thrill at cultivating the wanton harlot side of my personality."
"Well, that’s because you’re caught in a bit of a dilemma. You discovered your sexuality and fell in love all at the same time. And I take the blame for that." I looked at her, surprised. "Because in this day and age you should’ve discovered your sexuality long before this. If I hadn’t been foisting my own hang-ups on you, you would’ve spent the past two years picking up Maggie Benson’s leftovers, and you would’ve been more prepared for Jared."
"WHAT?" I gasped.
"Oh, come on, Amanda. You think I don’t know what Maggie’s like? Don’t try to snow your mother." She grinned at me. "I’m sure I pushed that knowledge into the dark recesses of my mind at times, because I didn’t want to deal with it, but I know. And, it’s true, if you had spent the last two years being Maggie, finding Jared now wouldn’t throw you so much. But if he doesn’t mind, and you two think you can maintain your relationship while you cultivate-what did you call it?-the wanton harlot side of you, then go for it."
"I see what you mean," I told her. "I just think it’ll work better if it’s more equal. I do have some ideas on that score."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well, if I’m going to do that, we need to cultivate the gigolo side of his personality. Can’t just be me, that leads to inequities."
"Good point. Though that shouldn’t be a problem. He’s certainly packing some heat, isn’t he?"
Of all the myriad number of unbelievably shocking things that had happened to me that week, hearing those words come out of my Mother’s mouth absolutely took the cake. All I could do was sputter.
"Oh, come on," she said. "I haven’t yet met that boy when he’s had a single article of clothing on. You think I wasn’t going to notice? I mean, it’s readily apparent."
I was still sputtering.
"In fact," she continued, "if I couldn’t see for my own eyes how much you love him, I could certainly come up with another valid reason why you’d be going out with him."
Still sputtering.
"OK, Amanda, stop looking at me like I have three heads." She grinned at me. "Come on. Let’s get these drinks and get back out there. We’ve been in here so long, the boys are going to think we got attacked by the dishwasher, or something."
I followed her out, still incredulous. Un. Fucking. Believable.
We went out, and Mom and Dad started talking about something. I sat next to Jared and snuggled into him.
"What took you so long?" he asked.
"I have just had the best talk I have ever had with my mother in my entire sixteen years on earth." I said with a happy sigh.
"That’s great," he said.
"I’ll tell you all about it later."
"Hey, kids, the news is coming on," Dad said.
We watched channel three, and Jared was right-they did show my boobs. Quite a bit. We switched to channel 12, and the cameraman obviously wasn’t listening, because Little Jared-OK, not so Little Jared-got in the picture quite a bit.
"It’s a good thing they didn’t flash your phone number on the screen after they showed the full frontal view," I teased him. "Your phone would be ringing off the hook."
"Same goes for you," he said, pointing at the screen, which was showing me from the waist up, boobs again in full view. "And speaking of perky nips, you’ve got them there."
"Oh, jeez," I mock-moaned.
"Those were good interviews," Dad said afterwards. "You guys did well."
"Yeah, and I’ve now shown my boobs on TV." I said. "Oy." Even Mom and Dad laughed at that. "You know what? I’m starving."
"Yeah, so am I," Jared admitted. "So, you wanna go show your boobs down at the Burger Hut?"
"You’re on," I laughed.
We went to the Burger Hut, and had a blast. Just after we got in, the crowd showed up, and we grabbed a table together. It was amazing how unselfconscious I was becoming about being in public nude.
Afterwards, we got in the car. "You want to go to your place?’ I asked him.
"Sure," he said-but, to my ears, was incredibly unenthusiastic about it.
"That didn’t sound like a ringing endorsement."
He smiled at me. "Honey, I’ll do anything for you."
"But you don’t want to," I said.
"Well, the truth is-I’m exhausted. It has been a very long day. It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s that I’m afraid I’m going to fall asleep in the middle."
I laughed. "Oh, as long as that’s all. I was just taken aback a bit by your lack of enthusiasm."
"It’s not lack of enthusiasm. With you? Perish the thought. It’s lack of energy.’
"OK," I laughed. "Then I will let you off the hook."
"Well, I can try, if you need me to."
"No, actually, I’m fine. I had a few today, I do believe." He chuckled at that. "No, sweetie, I’m just fine. You may take me home. You will be making up for lost time, though."