"Are you gay?" Lily asked.
"I know all about you, you know," Stef told her. "Ellie told me. Are you gay?" Lily just looked at him. "I mean, I know I’m deeper on the transgendered scale than you are, but Ellie also told me you get that assumption a lot."
"Me? Transgendered?" Lily asked in amazement.
"Let’s see. You play baseball. You’re muscular. Your body language is female, but only to a point-there’s male in there, too. You don’t mind getting dirty. Ellie told me that Mike told her that you’re perfectly at ease being one of the guys. I’d say you’re somewhere on the gender scale other than ‘pure girl’. I believe gender is a spectrum. I’m probably 60 or 70 percent girl. Not a hundred, but more girl than boy. You most likely are not 60 or 70 percent guy. Probably about 40. Like I said, I’m "more" TG than you are, if I can put it that way. But you know there’s male in you. And it’s probably caused you problems."
"Yeah," Lily admitted.
"Of course, not as many as I’ve had. And, to answer your earlier question, I’m bi, but I prefer women. By a lot. I’ve only gone out with a girl once that found out about Stef, and she dumped me right after. Any girl that would accept me like this would almost have to be bi, which limits my possibilities."
I didn’t say anything to Stef right then, but I noticed Allie-who was bi-looking at hir like sie was a particularly delectable piece of chocolate!
"I do know that score," Lily laughed. "I got lucky. Though Mike isn’t bi."
"No, but Mike’s very open minded and doesn’t let stereotypes cloud his feelings," Stef said. "Thank your mother, Mikey," sie giggled.
"I do anyway," I grinned. "But Stef’s right. I might not be bi, but I don’t wrap my heterosexuality around me like a shield, either. Not after growing up in this house."
"I’ll thank your mother myself," Lily giggled. "Anyhow, Stef, I know you’re not "out" completely, but you’re dressed like this here. Sometimes people you don’t know can be at a place like this. You didn’t now me, for instance. So, you could run into people that aren’t open-minded."
"Yes, that can be hellish," Stef said.
"So why do it?" Lily asked. "Why put yourself through that?"
"Why do you play baseball?" Stef asked. "Because it’s who you are. It’s part of you. This is who I am, who I want to be. I can’t do it in school. But, frankly, if Ellie-or Mike-likes you enough to invite you to one of their bashes, you’re all right. That’s almost guaranteed. I have been out in public-the mall, and stuff-but I’m lucky. Because I have feminine features and long hair that can be styled in a feminine way, and because I’m small and have a waist, I "pass". When I go to the mall, nobody realizes who I am. I look like just another teenaged girl."
"I had to look really close, and only with Mikey prompting me. My first reaction was, ‘does Steve Dunn have a sister?’"
Stef laughed. "I’ve gotten that. In an emergency, I’ve passed myself off as a cousin. Oh, and I do let it out in little ways. I think I’m building up to coming all the way out, but I let it out in little ways. I rarely wear anything other than panties for underwear-which can be a pain in the ass in gym, but I manage. I often go to school with very slight barely noticeable makeup on. And, of course, I wear my hair long, and I wear earrings all the time." He looked at Lily. "Now, I know about the baseball thing, but I’m looking at you now and I’m seeing pretty much girl."
"You should’ve seen her Thursday night. She was in full girl mode. I almost swallowed my tongue," I interjected.
"I can imagine," Stef giggled. "You’ve got earrings on, lipstick, nail polish." Lily nodded. "You ever wear any of that on the mound?"
"No," Lily admitted.
"Why not?"
"I don’t know. That’s a good question."
"Hey, be who you are," Stef said. "Don’t restrict yourself to ‘this is a boy thing’ and ‘this is a girl thing’. I know, I’m one to talk, being in the closet-but I’m working on that. You have it a little easier. Plus you have Mr. Understanding here," sie laughed, pointing at me.
"Yeah, I am lucky," she beamed at me. I grinned back.
"Ah, true love," Stef giggled. "I’ve just about given up. I either have to put Stef in the closet, or be celibate."
"Oh, yeah? Look slightly to your right. Grab a towel to catch the drool," I teased. I probably shouldn’t have done it, because poor Allie, when she realized I was talking about her, blushed deep red.
"Uh, well, I mean…" Allie sputtered. "All right, dammit, I admit it. Stef, I am bi. And you are the most gorgeous creature I’ve ever seen in my life. How anyone can be that beautiful and still be a guy-it makes me tingle." And then she blushed deeper. Stef just looked very happy at that.
That’s when I whispered a suggestion to Lily that we make a discreet exit. She giggled and agreed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN LILYI’m glad Mike introduced me to Stef. It gave me a lot to think about.
Anyhow, we spent the rest of the afternoon there, just mingling and chatting and eating all the great food. And I noticed that, over in the corner, Allie and Stef seemed to be getting very close!
I ended up learning something about learning something, even. Mike and I ended up sitting with his mom and Marina. I told them about talking to Stef.
"You never stop learning," Ellie said. "My psychology deals with children, who have the most to learn-and I concentrate on kids your age, who really have a lot to learn-but you never stop learning."
"I can attest to that," Marina said. "I was pretty much sure I was a lesbian when I was your age, but I was still trying to ‘figure it out’. I still went out with boys in high school. I thought I might have been bi. Until I was date-raped. Twice, within the space of a year."
"Oh, Jesus," I hissed.
"If I wasn’t convinced I was a lesbian before that, well after it I surely was," Marina continued. "But the bad part of that was that I hated all men. I mean hated them. Could not stand the sight of the male half of the species. Would’ve gone around castrating the lot of them, if I thought I could have gotten away with it."
She took a deep breath. "But then I fell in love with a woman, who I found out-to my horror-had an eleven year old son. Ellie and I almost didn’t get together, because I was horrified that there would be this male thing in my life. But we did get together. And I learned different."
"And not just from Mike, either. I learned from his friends. Not three weeks ago, I found myself playing poker with Mike, Ed, and Frankie Gutierrez-and I had a blast. If I were 18 years younger, and straight, I’d be head over heels in love with Ed Bauer. That boy is sweet, generous, and he makes me laugh. And six years ago, I just would’ve looked at him and said to myself, ‘Male. Yuck.’ And how wrong I would’ve been. To say nothing of how much I love this guy." She ruffled Mike’s hair. "You never stop learning."
"Just don’t let any of this get back to Ed!" Mike laughed.
After that, I drove home and Mikey followed me so we’d have his car. We got Amber and headed on over to the school.
They had set the carnival up all out on the football field. There were rides, and games, and food-though we were pretty well stuffed by the time we got there, thanks to Ellie’s feast. The seniors ran it every year. There were fun booths, too, like a dunk tank for charity.
We met up with Jared and Amanda in the parking lot. We introduced them to Amber, and then headed towards the entrance. At the entrance, there was a box for clothes for those of us in The Program. Mike and I started stripping.
Jared looked at Amanda. "It’s a nice day, right?"
"Yeah," Amanda said-and the two of them started shedding clothes.
"Are you two in The Program, too?" Amber asked.
"No," Amanda laughed. "We were actually in it in September-and we figured out we like going naked on a nice day."