Naked In School

Damn. He really looked hurt at that. Now you see why I don’t talk to anyone.

"I was assigned, that’s true. But I’m trying to help because that’s what I do. I hate seeing anyone in as much pain as you are."

"Sure you do," I snorted. "You hate seeing someone in pain because you’d rather see them getting in bed with you."

You see? I just can’t shut up. He looked like I had slapped him.

"That was a low blow," he said in a low, serious voice. "You don’t know me well enough to say something like that. But, suit yourself. If you think that’s all I want from you, suit yourself. I won’t bother you anymore," and he started to get up.

Dammit. Dammit all to hell. This was the guy who had me smiling in Mr. Tilling’s office, and laughing in accounting. Now he looked like he either wanted to cry, or strangle me.

"Ed, wait," I said as he stepped away from the table. "I’m sorry. You’re right. That was uncalled for."

"Apology accepted," he said curtly, and started to walk away again.

"Ed," I said, "please don’t go." He reluctantly turned around and sat back down across from me. "I’m sorry. I feel like I’m on the verge of a nervous breakdown-and I’m taking it out on you. This is why I don’t talk to anyone around here."

"Do you feel like this often?" he asked.

"Often enough. Having to parade my body around isn’t helping."

"Look," he said, with a deep breath, "I have to tell you this. Your body is magnificent. You’re one of the most gorgeous girls I’ve ever seen in my life-maybe the most. You should be parading it around with pride."

I sighed. "Why should I do that? It’s just a body. And now it’s all people will see. Look, that’s all you see. I’m not saying that to be nasty or accusative, but that’s all you see."

"That’s because I don’t know you. Nobody around here knows you." He smiled slightly. "And I’m not saying this to be nasty or accusative, but that’s not our fault."

"You mean you think if I had revealed more of myself to other people, it wouldn’t be so bad being forced to reveal my body?"

"Got it in one," he said.

I thought about that for a minute. If I had a friend, would this be easier? "Look," he continued, "I’m naked, too. And I don’t have your kind of body. I’m getting teased. I’m also getting groped. The thing is, I’m getting teased and groped by pals. When your best friend’s girlfriend walks by you in the hall, grabs your dick, and starts singing ‘Make it grow’ to the tune of ‘Let it Snow’, you’d better be comfortable with the person that’s doing it. Lily and I are great friends. It’s easier."

I laughed at that, and then said, "You have a point." I smiled at him. "You’re right, nobody knows a thing about me. Did you know I’m ranked seventh in the class?"

"Really?" he said. "I didn’t know that. I hold my own, but nowhere near seventh."

"I like to draw, " I continued.

"I play a mean third base," he said.

"My favorite food is Chinese."

"Mine’s the seafood special at The Mariner. Chinese is a close second."

I took a breath. "My mother is the evil bitch from hell."

"My parents are very cool," he laughed. "It’s my older sister that’s the evil bitch from hell. She’s at Syracuse University right now, which is a good place for her."

I giggled. "My favorite color is blue."

"Mine’s purple."

"School colors?" I asked. He nodded. "My favorite number is 2."

"Mine’s eighteen. The number I wear on my back when I’m playing ball. I got it assigned in Little League and it’s always been lucky."

"I have no siblings, I don’t have a father, and I like cats but don’t have any."

"Besides the sister, I also have an older brother, my father is great, and we have two dogs. I like cats, too, but the dogs don’t." He grinned at me.

"OK," I thought, "If asked for one word to describe me, most people would say quiet."

"For me, I think it would be funny."

"I’d figured that out," I giggled. "Besides drawing, the thing I like to do best is go to the park downtown on a nice day and curl up on the grass with a book."

"Besides baseball, the thing I like to do best is hang out with my pals."

"My idol is Katharine Hepburn."

"An old film buff?" he said. I nodded. "Yeah! My idol is Gene Kelly."

"Really? Do you like Hepburn?"

"But of course," he said. "How about Bogart?"

"Bogart makes me weak in the knees," I admitted.

"For me, that is Julie Andrews-especially in The Sound Of Music. I had a crush on her when I was three," he laughed.

"Nah, Christopher Plummer. He was gorgeous in that movie," I said.

"Well, if I swung that way, I might agree with you," he laughed.

"Uh-huh," I giggled. "Knowing your bent towards humor, you must have some favorite comedians," I said.

"Yeah, and a lot of them are old-time, too. Groucho. I worship Groucho. Abbott and Costello. I also love Steve Martin, George Carlin. For really outrageous stuff, the late Bill Hicks. There’s a guy who died too young-he was brilliant."

"How about comic actors?" I asked.

"It’s funny, my ultimate collection of comedic actors is actually in a TV show-the old Dick Van Dyke show. Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore, Morey Amsterdam, and Rose Marie. That’s an awesome collection of talent on one show. They were all brilliant, and Morey Amsterdam was a fucking genius. And even Richard Deacon was one of the great straight men of all time."

"I agree, but you know what came close?" I said. "The Bob Newhart show. The first one, the one with Suzanne Pleshette."

"Yeah, that was a great show. What’s your favorite movie?"

"The African Queen," I said. "Hepburn and Bogie? How can you go wrong? Yours?"

"Singing In The Rain."

"Do you know, I’ve actually never seen that."

"WHAT?" he said incredulously. "You’ve never seen Singing In The Rain?"

"Nope," I admitted. "I’ve seen An American In Paris, and the one he did with Sinatra, when they’re sailors on leave…"

"On The Town."

"Right. And I liked both of them. But I’ve just never caught Singing In The Rain."

"Oh, missy, you need some educatin’," he teased. "So, I declare that, as soon as it is convenient for both of us-you and I, Miss Weinberg, have a date. You will come over to my house, where you will find a wide-screen TV, Singing In The Rain on DVD, and an abundance of popcorn. This offer can not be refused."

"OK, then, I won’t refuse it," I giggled-surprising myself, actually. "I’d love to see it."

"Good. Then that’s settled." He smiled at me. "You see, you tell me a few things about yourself, I return the favor-and we’re chatting like old friends."

"Yeah," I admitted.

"And I bet you haven’t thought about being naked for the past ten minutes."

"Wow. You’re right," I said. "Of course, you did have to go and remind me!"

"Well, you would’ve been reminded anyway, it’s almost time to go to Bio."

"True. Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks."

"You’re welcome. But don’t thank me until after you’ve seen Singing In The Rain."

CHAPTER THREE ED

Good Goddammit, a breakthrough. There really is a person in there-and an interesting one, too. Yay for Ed.

I’d seen The African Queen of course-like Natalie said, who can go wrong with Bogie and Hepburn-so we discussed it while we were walking to bio.

"You’re a die-hard romantic, aren’t you?" I teased.

"Only in fiction," she sighed. "I know that real life doesn’t work that way."

"Well, sometimes it does. Considering my two best friends-that’d be Mike and Amanda Frazier-are both involved in romances that even defy romance novels. So sometimes it works the way it’s supposed to-but not for the Edmeister."