"Oh, God, ED?" I screamed-and went.
Like I said, I knew what an orgasm was. Intellectually, that is. I had read all the descriptions-your muscles clench, you spasm, yadda yadda yadda. I’d never read that your brain fries. My brain fried. It melted into a complete pile of spasming goo. I’d never read that your tummy feels like a star going supernova. Mine did. I’d never read that your pussy feels like the center of the universe. Mine did.
As I came down, desperately trying to catch my breath, I felt Ed’s hands leave my pussy, and go back around my waist, as he cuddled me back to something approaching coherence.
Wow. Wow, wow, wow!
CHAPTER ELEVEN EDI did it. Hallelujah. I fucking did it! It worked!
I’d given girls orgasms before. None ever seemed so important. Well, the three I gave Annie the one time we were together were just as important-but I didn’t know that at the time. That was just in retrospect.
Damn, I wish I could get Annie out of my head!
But I couldn’t. And here was Natalie, snuggling into me and humming. Uh-oh. I knew this would mean a lot to her-what I didn’t count on was that it would mean so much to me.
"Ed?" she asked.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks," she said quietly. "I can’t thank you enough. That was above and beyond the call of a program partner."
"All part of the service, ma’am," I joked. "How do you feel?"
"Reborn," she said simply. "That was my first, you know."
"I figured," I said. "I remember my first. Well, my first administered by someone other than myself, mind you." She chuckled at that one. "Believe me, they’re not the same. Masturbating is fine-having someone else masturbate you is a whole different experience. I was in eighth grade-and I got taken behind the school building and jacked off. It was incredible."
"Who was it?" she asked.
"Who do you think?" I smirked.
"Maggie Benson?" she asked.
"Got it in one. Half the male members of the junior class had their first experience with Maggie Benson, sometime between seventh and ninth grade." She chuckled at that. "Though she didn’t take my virginity."
"Who did?"
"Marcia Ryerson. Which turned out to be a disaster. Unbeknownst to both of us, she was fucking Mike at the same time."
"Oh, Jesus," she said.
"Exactly. I should’ve just waited for Maggie to come along for that one, too. At least with Maggie, it’s just sex."
"I thought you and Maggie were friends," she said.
"We are. But that’s still different. I like sex with friends. It’s less messy, it’s always satisfying, and, at the end, we’re still friends. I’ve fucked Amanda-and that’s since she started going out with Jared. There’s no messy emotionalism. It’s just sex between two people who like each other."
"Is that what this was?" she asked tentatively.
"Not quite," I admitted. "To be honest, I didn’t know if this would work. That makes it quite a bit different right there. Plus, it was one-sided." I was still hard as a rock.
"Ed, I could…" she started.
"No, you couldn’t. We discussed this. This was for you. I always have my right hand. Or Maggie Benson." She laughed. "No obligations, no reciprocation. You needed this. I’ll live."
"What did you mean that you didn’t know if it would work?"
"I didn’t know if you’d respond," I said. "I didn’t know if you’d freeze up. I didn’t know if you’d turn on me for trying it. I didn’t know a lot of things. It was a chance."
"If I didn’t trust you, it never would have," she told me. "And, I must admit, you’re very good with that breathe deep and relax stuff. You had me so relaxed that I felt all the tension drain from my back."
"Good. How do you feel now?"
" Very relaxed. Also starving," she giggled.
"A bunch of the guys are headed to The Mariner."
"That sounds heavenly," she smiled up at me. So we went.
In the car, fully dressed, my mind went into overdrive. I don’t want to say I panicked, but what I had just done began to dawn on me. And Natalie was looking at me in undisguised adoration. Uh-oh.
What did I feel? I don’t know. What I do know was that, whatever it was, it was dangerous. Natalie was right-that wasn’t just a quick wank between friends. Like I said, it was more important than that. To me. Which was the last thing I needed.
When we got to the restaurant, Natalie huddled with the girls-Amanda, Lily, Emma, Maggie-at one end. While Jared, Ty, and Frankie discussed baseball, I saw an opportunity to huddle with Mike. I needed advice.
"Buddy, I’ve got a problem," I told him.
"Shoot."
"First, I found out about Natalie today." I told him about what she had told me that morning. I don’t talk out of school, but there’s nobody more trustworthy than Mike Kirkland. Not with what his mother does for a living.
"Damn, that’s no good. You should get her to talk to Mom," Mike said.
"I’m working on it. However, I tried to help her myself this afternoon." And I told him what I had done.
"Hot damn, Ed!" he said. "It worked that well?"
"Mike, she went to pieces. Completely went to pieces. Frankly, it was beautiful to watch."
"That’s great," he said. "You took a helluva chance, pal, but you know what? I think Mom would approve." Then he grinned. "Now I know why she’s been giving you those looks since we’ve been here."
"Yeah," I said, "and that’s the problem. I knew she needed this-what I didn’t know is what it would do to me."
"This wasn’t just an act of friendship," he said astutely.
"No, it was not. Not after I was done. And it has to be. I can’t go down that road again."
"Ed, she’s not Annie," Mike said quietly.
"Yes she is, dammit! Another wounded butterfly! And I’m getting my ass in deep again. When will I learn?"
"Ed. You like her. Admit it," he pressed.
"Yes, I like her. And I need to stop liking her."
"Why on earth?"
"Because down that road lies Annie!" I said exasperatedly. "If I get myself emotionally involved with Natalie, I’m going down the Annie road again. I can’t do that."
"You already are emotionally involved," he pointed out. "And so, my friend, is she."
"I know she is," I said. "But I can’t be."
"Look, Ed," he said. "You weren’t in love with Marcia Ryerson, I know that. I was. I mean, I had my heart stomped on just as you did. I don’t want to compare levels of pain, but it wasn’t fun."
"Yeah, I knew all that," I told him.
"And I still took a chance on Lily."
I laughed. "Mike, I knew the minute I met Lily that she was your dream girl. Come on. Marcia Ryerson must’ve completely drained from your memory the minute you met her. Lily’s what you’ve wanted all along."
"Ed, that’s what I’m trying to tell you," he said. "I agree with everything you say, but I know you as well as you know me. Natalie is your dream girl."
"If that’s true, why can’t I get Annie out of my head?"
"There’s a couple reasons," he said. "One is that you really didn’t have closure with Annie-as my mother would say." I chuckled at that. Ellie talked about "closure" all the time. "And that’s made worse," Mike continued, "by the fact that Annie was one of your best friends long before you guys hooked up. You didn’t just lose a girlfriend, you lost a very close friend. Think about what you’d feel if Amanda walked out of your life, or me. It might not be the same, but it’d be almost as painful."
"That makes some sense," I said.
"There’s another reason," he said. "But you’ll have to figure that one out for yourself."
"C’mon, Mike, you’re the psychologist’s son, help me out!"
"I’m also your best friend, and I prefer not to hurt you."