«And your name?»
No reason for me to act coy when the IT guy is destined to be my only friend. «It’s Willow. Willow Mason. And so what brings you here?» I ask the inevitable question.
«Adventure. Stay for three years; go back to Earth changed by the experience. Isn’t that what everyone wants here?»
«Not everyone. Some people stay their whole lives.»
«But not you, I think?»
I look down into my drink. I’m not sure how much to tell him.
«You didn’t come here for the adventure?»
«It was more of a perfect timing thing.»
«What do you mean?»
«Buy me one more drink and I’ll tell you?»
I’m true to my word. I tell him the whole story.
Anders and I were over. Long over, only neither of us wanted to admit it. He’d supported me emotionally through school. From the time we were both 18, he'd been there. And I did the same for him, while he went through pre–law and law school. But I’d changed in all that time. He’d changed. And I knew we were headed in different directions.
And then there was the fact that I couldn't find a job on Earth. When I told him I found an off-Earth position, it began the biggest fight that we’d ever had.
«What am I supposed to do?» Anders asked. «While you're up there in space, what am I supposed to do? Wait for you?»
«You could come with me.»
«And what? Give up my job?» Anders was on track to become a partner at his firm. Everyone knew that law was still an Earth–bound career. If anyone working on a near-Earth asteroid needed a lawyer, they just went back home.
So when they offered me the job, it seemed like the perfect way to end what had already passed its expiry date. But Anders wasn't going to let me go without a fight. Or at least without getting the last word in. We didn't part on good terms.
«Most people would get a haircut, dye their hair, or get a tattoo to mark the end of a relationship,” I explain to Stephan. «That's most people's idea of radically marking a break–up. But not me, that wasn't radical enough for me. I had to leave Earth.»
«That’s unpleasant.»
«Sorry to bring you down.»
«It’s not that. It’s just that it makes me feel sad. I’m sorry that’s why you’re here.»
«No worries. After all, it’s not all bad.» I try to put a brave face on it. But then he smiles at me, and suddenly I feel as though I might be right. It’s not all bad up here.
Over the next few months, we start a new habit. Every day at one o’clock p. m., we meet in the stark management lunchroom. At least, 1:00 is what the red LED numbers on wall say. There’s not really daytime here, not in the same way as on Earth. The planetoid’s rotation around its axis is just over five hours, so that it feels like the sun is forever rising and setting, and then rising and setting again. The near constant glare of them, contrasted against the blackness of space, is irritating during the imposed Earth hours of our workday.
During our lunches together, I find out that Stephan is a computer geek. I also notice that he looks nothing like Anders, who was tall with black hair and long limbs. Stephan, on the other hand, has a compact body with short limbs and stocky muscles. He’s got ash blonde hair and small blue eyes that would be called beady on an older man.
One afternoon, while we’re lingering over the corporate supplied sandwiches with their limb roast beef, he tells me about his childhood.
«My parents always wanted us to grow up smart, you know?»
«I know what you mean.» I remember the atlases that populated my childhood home. I can still remember pulling them down from the shelf and finding a quiet corner where I could pour over them for hours.
«They always put puzzles in front of us, always chess for our game. There were three of us kids, and we were supposed to challenge each other to solve harder and harder puzzles.»
«It doesn’t sound like much fun.»
«Are you kidding? I loved it. My parents — they were great. They were the ones who made me love puzzles so much. Logic puzzles, word puzzles, math puzzles — anything. Computers, for me, are the ultimate puzzle. I wouldn’t be where I was today if it weren’t for them. I can’t imagine better parents.»
«You think computers are like a puzzle?»
«Definitely. Software engineering is one big word puzzle. Computing programming is a lot like using a language, you know.»
«Really?»
«Yeah. And I always loved learning new languages. Figuring out the internal logic of the system, the new terms.»
«That's…your full of amazing surprises, aren't you?» It’s at that moment that I know that there’s something between us.
Later, I’m working in my lab. Day is sliding into what passes into evening here. As I get up from bending over a micro splitter, I realize that my workday should have ended hours ago. Sometimes, I get lost in my work. But it’s not like it matters. No one is waiting for me to come home.
I’m a woman alone for the first time since I was 18, and I know that I’m scared shitless of being alone and having to get to know myself as an adult. Whenever I return to my tiny sleeping quarters on the station, the hours seemed stretch out. The place is filled with silence.
And so that night, I don’t go back to my place. I go to Stephan’s pod–like quarters instead. When he invites me in, we both know what’s about to happen. At least, I think we do. It’s not until we’re sitting next to each other on the couch, my hands in his and his lips on mine, that he pulls away.
«I’m not sure we should do this,” he says breathlessly.
«Why not? Did you leave someone on Earth?»
«Sort of.»
«Sort of? Is she waiting for you?» I knew the feeling of leaving someone behind on Earth. But I could only imagine what it would be like to have that person wait for me to return. No one’s waiting for my return after this three–year term.
«I don’t know. We didn’t exactly leave it on positive or even really…established terms, okay?»
«Okay.» I’m beginning to comprehend that he really doesn’t have anyone back on Earth. Not in any way that he can rely on. «Well, I guess I can leave, if that’s what you want?» I get up off the couch and back towards the door. He watches me go, a deep sadness pouring from his small eyes. But it’s not until I’ve opened his door and escaped into the hall that he says anything.
«No. Wait.» He comes and takes my hand. «Stay.» He draws me into his quarters, closing the flimsy pocket door behind me.
It becomes a soothing habit for me. I spend every night at Stephan’s quarters and every lunch break in his company. It means that I can ignore the fact that I’m alone. But we never talk about it. One night, I suddenly feel the urge to define what we are to each other.
I’m lying in his arms with only his thin sheet covering us. The round windows of his quarters have their shutters drawn up, and I can see clearly across the dusty, grey wasteland of the Asteroid. We’ll never be able to venture out to explore that landscape.
I turn to look at his face. The sunlight coming through the windows falls in a bright semicircle across his features. He’s looking up at the ceiling, his eyes half closed.
«Hey, Stephan?» I venture to break the silence. «This is…it’s just an asteroid thing, right? You and me, I mean.»
He turns his head towards the window, where there are no clouds to obscure the Milky Way and the cosmos beyond. «Yeah. Sure. If that’s what you want.»
«But what do you want?»
He smiles. «I guess we’ll always have 433.»
The statement startles me. I prop myself up on an elbow to get a better look at his expression. «Are you a romantic, Stephan?»
He smiles at me. «Who, me? Nah. Never.»
I push his words from my mind. I don’t think about them again until the next day, when I rush into the staff lunchroom at one o’clock and find it empty.