Or-" "Enough," I interrupt. "I don't know if I would, okay? I mean, I know all about self-defense and everything, but I don't know if I could do it, if it's morally right to do it."
"You'd do it." He grins, so certain he's right. "If someone was attacking lssie you'd do it. If someone was attacking your grandmother you'd do it. Or Devyn. Or probably even Ian."
My eyes close. This is probably true. "I don't want that to be true."
"Why?"
"Because I don't want to be violent." "It's not violent to protect your friend." "It doesn't matter. It's not like someone's going to go attack Issie."
"We don't know that," "What? You think Is is in danger?"
"No." He raises his hands up in the air. "I think we're all in danger."
"From that guy? The pointing guy? You think he's seriously bad?"
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, I do."
I lean forward, closer to him. "But how? How do you know?"
"I feel it here." His fist taps his stomach.
We stare at each other for a second. There's something about his eyes that makes me frightened, yet not frightened. That makes no sense. It's like every part of me needs those eyes to look into my eyes a certain way, but I'm afraid of that. I want to ask about the dust I saw on his coat, but I'm afraid of that, too.
"I'm such a wimp," I say.
He must think I'm still talking about the pointing man because he shakes his head. "No you aren't. You just don't want to be brave."
"What?"
Nick doesn't answer because Devyn rolls back to the table. Issie bee-bops right behind him. He's got a pile of cookies spread across a napkin in his lap. "Is went a little crazy."
"I didn't know what kind everyone would like," she explains, plucking cookies up off the napkin and putting them on the table. She glances at us. "Oh no. You two are still fighting."
"No, we aren't," Nick says.
Devyn eyes us.
"Really," I say. "We aren't fighting."
"Then what's all the doomy-gloomy vibe going on?" Issie asks, sitting down. She offers me a cookie, M&M's mixed with chocolate chips.
"I scared her," Nick explains. He grabs an oatmeal raisin.
"Good," Devyn says. "She needs to be scared."
"What?" lssie turns on him.
"Fear makes us stronger, puts us on our toes. We've got to embrace it."
lssie snaps her cookie in half. "Guys can be so stupid."
True. Devyn's face turns red but Mick just laughs.
"So," I say really quickly, "are we going to go to the library after school today?"
"There's no cross-country?" Devyn asks.
"It's our day off," Nick explains. "Should we carpool or what?"
I turn on him. "You're going?"
"Yeah. Of course I'm going. That's okay with you, right?"
I nod. "Yeah, that's okay and yes, we should carpool to lower our carbon footprint and all that."
But for some reason knowing that I'm going to be in the library with Nick makes a knot form in my stomach, and it's not because the cookie is bad. The knot is becoming a familiar feeling. It's fear.
That dust on his jacket? It doesn't necessarily mean anything, right? And the way my insides feel all crazy weird whenever I look in his eyes? That doesn't mean anything either.
There is something about libraries, old libraries, that makes them seem almost sacred. There's a smell of paper and must and binding stuff. It's like all the books are fighting against decay, against turning into dust, and at the same time fighting for attention.
I touch the cover of one book,ESP Your Way. "It's like they're all crying out, 'Read me. Read me.' " Nick turns around to look at me. "The books?"
"It's like they're lonely," I say. I shrug on purpose so he doesn't think I'm too weird.
"Books get lonely," he repeats, not looking at me anymore, scanning the titles above his head.
"What?"
"It's sweet."
I am sweet. My heart flip-flops and I bite my lip a little bit. Sweet as in a lollipop, or sweet as in a girl you would like to kiss passionately in the stacks? That's the question.
I squat down, checking out the numbers. "Found some."
Mick squats next to me and whistles low. "Wow."
We start pulling them out,Fae Lore, Fairy Charms, An Encyclopedia of Fairies.
Nick carries most of them to the back table by a big bay window. Dust particles swirl around in the sunbeams. Devyn and lssie almost look enchanted, like storybook heroes.
"You guys find stuff?" lssie asks too loudly.
A guy by the magazines shushes her.
"Sorry. Sorry!" She holds up her hand in an apology and then whispers at us. "What a grump. We found stuff too. Right, Devyn?"
Devyn nods but doesn't actually verbalize anything, just keeps reading the book he's got. It's ancient and smelly. I sneeze and settle into a chair. Nick grabs the one next to me. He splits our book pile in half and thrusts three books at me. "Dig in."
l dig.
We read and read and read and then Nick says, "Got something."
I sniff. "What?"
lssie hands me a crumpled tissue she's fished out of her bag. "It's clean."
"Thanks," I blow my nose. "I'm sorry. I'm allergic."
"To books?" Devyn raises his eyebrows like he can't believe it.
"Old books," I explain and lean closer so I can check out the book that's splayed in front of Nick.
"What did you find?"
"It's about the tributes," Nick says. He is almost snarling. "It's vile."
"Just read it," Devyn demands.
"Quietly." lssie looks over at Magazine Man, who is leafing through a copy of theEconomist and glaring at us.
Nick lowers his voice and reads, " 'So you are being chased by a pixie?' " "It doesnot say that," lssie squeals, snatching the book away from him. "Oh my God, it does."
"Issie…," I warn, looking to see if Nick's pissed. He isn't. "It doesn't really say that."
"It does!" She shows me the book, pointing.
" 'Of all of the Shining Ones-pixies, elves, fairies-it is true that the preservation of the princely bloodline is integral to their survival. They all share the sidhe heritage. In fact, their name is derived from the pict-sidhe. They are the Caille Daouine, or forest people. If you have been singled out by a male of their race, be proud. You are singled out to help continue the bloodline. It is unusual for this to happen. It is especially unusual for this to happen to humans. You might have some sidhe blood already flowing through your veins.'" I shut the book. "Oh, I am so honored."
"That's amazingly bizarre," Devyn said, staring at me like he's never seen me before. "Do you think you have sidhe blood?"
"What? No." I stare at all of them. "You guys aren't believing this."
Nick and Issie both put their hands on my arms. Issie reaches all the way across the table.
"I know this is a little freaky," she says, all calm.
"A little freaky?" I pull my arm away. "It's super freaky!"
"Will you please be quiet!" says the man reading theEconomist.
"Sorry. Sorry." I sit down. I try to breathe slowly.
"Maybe he wants you to be his queen," Devyn says. "Continue the line."
"That's crap," Nick says.
"Yeah." I glare at him. "Why would anyone wantme to be their queen?"
"That's not what I meant." The front legs of Nick's chair slam back down.
I can't even look at him. "Right."
"I just don't get what this has to do with boys going missing," he adds in a whisper that is low and serious. "What do you think, Devyn?"
Devyn rubs at his nose and stretches his arms out like he's been lifting weights and the muscles are tired.
"The Web site said if the king doesn't have a queen he needs blood tributes from boys."
Issie shivers. "Creepy."
"What does that mean, though, blood tributes?" I grab one of Mick's books out of his pile and look at the index. "Oh. It's in this one. Page I23."
I flip to the page, scan the lines, and suck in my breath.