“Yeah… okay…” he finally aquiesced, shaking his head all the while. “But I’ve gotta tell ya’, Row, I’m not feelin’ real good about this at all.”
He continued to work his large hand on the back of his neck as he fell silent. He had made it perfectly clear that he was not at all convinced of Agent Mandalay’s stability. I knew from past experience that his grudging acceptance of my reassurance was going to continue to eat away at him. At the moment it was a prominent, but still small, bother. Very soon it would grow into a malignant vexation that would further poison his perception of the federal officer.
“I know you prefer to shy away from anything you consider touchy-feely, Ben,” I offered, “but, you could call her and ask her yourself, you know.”
“Me ask her what’s up?” he asked rhetorically. “I’m no good at that crap.”
“Well, that’s my only suggestion if you want to know anything more than I’m at liberty to give you.”
After a moment of quiet thought, he took in a deep breath and huffed it out. “So what if I do call ‘er? Is she just pissed or is she gonna cry or somethin’?”
“She might. I don’t know.”
“Jeez, Rowan. I vapor lock when Allison starts ta’ sniffle. I can’t do that cryin’ shit.”
“Ben,” I appealed. “It’s obvious that this is going to keep working on you until you get an answer. You know that I can’t give it to you, but if you talk to her, maybe she will.”
“Ya’think?”
“Maybe. I don’t know.” I shook my head. “But it’s worth a try. I’m sure Constance can understand your concerns. She’s just as much a part of the cop fraternity as you are.”
“Yeah…maybe you’re right.” A look of resignation molded itself to his features. “Maybe I’ll do that.”
“I think it would be a good idea.” I told him with a nod, then as much to ease his tension as for curiosity, I maneuvered the subject into a different lane. “So whatever happened to Carl? I didn’t see him upstairs.”
“Oh, he left awhile ago. He took Roberts out to the County lockup since he lived in their jurisdiction,” he replied with a noticeable drop in his stress level.
“What ended up happening with that?”
“Somethin’ ta’ do with pirated software or somethin’ like that,” he explained. “Federal offense so County will prob’ly be turnin’ ‘im over to the Feebs at some point. Guess he’d better hope Mandalay is off duty that day, huh?”
“That would probably be in both their best interests,” I agreed. “So anyway, when are you going to get out of here? I thought you were planning on dinner with the family.”
Ben shot a tired glance through the glass doors at the darkened sky and then rolled his watch face up and gave it a calculating stare. As he let his arm drop, he conceded yet another defeat at the hands of his vocation. “Well, it looks like that idea is in the dumper, not that I expected any different. Guess I’ll wrap up a few things here then go home and have a cold meatlump sandwich.”
“Does Allison know you talk about her cooking like that,” I queried with a smile.
“Hell, white man, she’s the one that named it meatlump. So what about you?” He dipped his head at me. “What’re you gonna do? I’m sure Al made plenty if you wanna come by.”
“Thanks, but I’m beat and I’m liable to crash hard as soon as I get something in my stomach. There’s some leftover Dublin Coddle in the fridge at home, so I’ll probably just nuke a bowl and then hit the sack.”
“Dublin Coddle? Sounds funky. That somethin’ from that party?”
“Yeah. Actually it’s kind of a potato, onion and sausage stew. It’s pretty good.”
“Maybe I should come with you. Sounds a damn sight better than meatlump.”
“I’m sure there’s more than enough if you want.”
“Nahhh.” He shook his head. “I was just kiddin’. If I hurry maybe I can tuck my kid in for a change. Besides, I think I’m prob’ly right there with ya’ on the whole crashin’ thing.”
“Yeah, I thought you might be,” I said. “So how about tomorrow? Where do we go from here?”
My friend’s tone again grew somber. “Well, NARC will keep workin’ the Roofies angle, and I guess we’ll see what we can come up with on the whole Catholic thing. The Archdiocese wasn’t what you’d call thrilled when Osthoff and Martin showed up, if ya’ know what I mean.”
“I can imagine. So you probably don’t really need me down here tomorrow then?”
Ben pursed his lips as he thought for a moment and then shook his head. “Well, I’d like ta’ have you there if we get a chance ta’ talk to that old bum again, but other than that probably not. If you’ve got somethin’ else planned already then go for it. I’d appreciate it if ya’ could stay near a phone though.”
We both shifted out of the way as another pair of officers skirted around us to exit the building.
“I don’t really have anything planned other than getting caught up with some work that’s been piling up.”
“I can understand that… So I’ll be able to reach ya’ if I need to though, right?”
“Yeah, I’ll be at the house.” I nodded as I reached out and leaned on the door.
“Okay, Kemosabe. I’ll talk to ya’ later then. Drive careful.”
“I will,” I answered and pushed the door open. “Don’t stay here too late. And do yourself a favor, call Constance.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll do that,” he called after me as he turned and headed toward the elevators.
With the introduction of the incident with Agent Mandalay, the order of my thoughts had been radically shifted. Now, an earlier unvoiced concern was once again surfacing. I had considered mentioning it to Ben, but with the other events of the day still woefully fresh in our minds, I finally elected to table it for another day. Unfortunately, I knew for certain that it was something that couldn’t wait for very long.
What had gone unsaid between my friend and I was the fact that I was harboring my own troubling doubts as well. They were, however, not about Special Agent Mandalay, or him, or any of the other members of the Major Case Squad. My deep apprehension was about my own effectiveness in this investigation.
I had been on a frightfully uneven keel from the very beginning and had yet to right myself. I had somehow managed to have my moments of attunement, but they were few and far between. Balance was something I still had not signed a contract with. Truth be told, I hadn’t even opened negotiations with it. I was drifting about with no ground and no focus, grasping aimlessly at an ethereal lightning rod and missing at every pass. Thus far, the only thing I had been able to do with any modicum of success was to bleed profusely from preternatural stigmata, spit swimming pool water on the carpeting, and announce that we would soon find another body. That wasn’t really the kind of help that was expected of me, and it was getting us nowhere.
I was fully aware that if I didn’t get myself under control soon not only was I going to be of no help to the police, but I was going to become a severe risk to my own well being. An ungrounded Witch is a dangerous Witch, and as disconnected as I was right now, I was leaving myself open to things I didn’t even want to consider.
It was my own fault I was in this situation and I knew it. I forced myself to make a personal promise to do what it took to get back on track. Now all I had to do was keep my word to myself.
I joined the zipper on the front of my coat as I walked and began pulling it upwards, all the while clinging hard to the warmth of my resolve to spend some time grounding and centering. An angry gust of winter chill made one last assault on the shrinking seam and managed to slip inside the folds of my jacket. Rounding the corner of the building on my way to the parking area where my truck currently resided an involuntary shiver danced along my back, and I quickly flipped my collar up around my ears.
Slowly, dull fingers of pain inflicted an unwanted massage at the base of my neck and began inching along the back of my tightening scalp. My guess was that the handful of granulated aspirin I took earlier had finally worn off, and now the headache that had been making a home inside my skull was being aggravated by the cold.