“I had a choice then, I guess. I could have just gone along. That’s what he was asking me to do. Play along. Be a good girl. Keep my mouth shut. I’d like to think if I had just said what he wanted to hear he would have taken me home and left me alone.”
“Do you really believe that?” I asked. “How could he know you wouldn’t ever tell?”
“You’re right,” she said. “And it didn’t really matter. I was never good at just going along with people, and I wasn’t going to do it for him. I told him I was going to tell Mom and the police. I didn’t back down at all.”
“And how did he take that?”
“He played his trump card,” she said. “He told me that I could tell Mom all I wanted, and it wouldn’t matter to her.”
“Why?”
“He said that Mom knew all about the movies. More than that, she didn’t just know about them; she had helped him produce them. And if I told the police or anyone else, Mom would suffer the same consequences he would. Maybe worse. And he said that I’d end up in a foster home, living a miserable life without anyone to look out for me.”
Her words dropped between us like a heavy stone. I waited for Beth to say more. When she didn’t, I said, “That’s not true. It can’t be true.”
Beth’s voice was low when she spoke again. “I didn’t know what to think back then. I could tell he was threatening me in a way. And I worried that he might hurt Mom.”
“Did he ever hit her?”
“I don’t know,” Beth said. “He acted like an asshole around the house. He certainly yelled at her. He tried to intimidate her. But overall, I guess he seemed… kind of normal. And that made it all the worse when I found out who he really was.”
My phone buzzed again. It was Dan.
“Do you have to get that?” Beth asked.
I sighed. “Maybe I should. Ronnie… I guess you don’t know what happened to Ronnie today, do you?”
“No.”
“But you’ve met him, haven’t you?”
She nodded. “A couple of times. Mom thought it would be easier to meet him first, and then meet you after she’d talked to you more about… everything.”
“Ronnie has a picture in his room of two little kids. Are they related to you?”
“Two of my grandchildren. You said something happened to Ronnie today?”
I told her about the suicide attempt and the pills, the trip to the emergency room at St. Vincent’s and his move to the ICU. Beth listened with her hand to her heart. I watched the fear and anxiety fill her eyes as I gave her the details.
“I think I should take the call—maybe something happened at the hospital.”
“Go ahead,” Beth said.
I called Dan back and he answered right away. “Are you okay?” he asked, without so much as a hello.
“I’m fine,” I said. “Everything is fine. Did something happen there?”
“Yes,” he said. “They’ve moved Ronnie to a regular room. He’s doing better.”
I felt relief rush through me, like air returning to my lungs after being underwater.
“He’s awake?”
“He is. They’re going to try to get him to eat something.”
I looked at Beth and nodded. He’s okay, I mouthed.
“And they found out what he took,” Dan said. “Apparently it wasn’t the sedatives he was on. It was some heart medicine he takes. Digitoxin? No—I don’t know. They did a blood test and found a dangerous level in his system. The doctor tried to ask me some questions about Ronnie’s heart condition, but I didn’t know the answers. I guess people with Down syndrome can have heart problems?”
“Sometimes,” I said. “But I didn’t think Ronnie was on medication for that anymore. He was when he was a kid. Did they ask Paul these questions?”
“He’s not here,” Dan said. “He had to leave. I think he was tired.”
“You’re just there alone?”
“I thought you wanted me to stay here and keep an eye on things.”
“Dan, you don’t have to,” I said. “I’m glad you did, but it’s too much.”
“It’s okay,” he said. “I brought a book to read. George Eliot.”
“Oh, Dan. Look, I have to go, okay? But thanks for calling me. And please call me if anything else happens. Please.”
“I will,” he said.
“And, Dan? Thanks. Thanks for everything.”
I disconnected and looked at Beth.
“Ronnie’s okay,” I said. “It looks like he’s going to be okay.”
I saw more emotion on Beth’s face at that moment than at any other time. “Thank God,” she said. “I don’t think I could handle losing anybody else.”
Chapter Forty-nine
Her comment struck me as strange. Someone else, someone besides my mother and my uncle, cared about Ronnie. I wasn’t used to that, and I wasn’t sure how quickly I could open up and include someone else in my family. I’d mouthed those words to her—He’s okay—out of instinct. Beth seemed troubled by Ronnie’s condition, and I wanted to ease her mind. But would we always be like that, the two of us? Would I have to include her from that moment on?
“Is Dan your boyfriend?” Beth asked.
I hadn’t realized I had said his name. “Not really,” I said. “We tried that. He’s… he’s just a guy. A pretty decent guy.”
“Those can be hard to come by,” Beth said.
“I know. I need to appreciate him more.”
“Take it from me,” Beth said. “Good men are hard to come by.”
I didn’t want to get sidetracked into relationship talk. She still had a few things to tell me, and it was getting late. Neal was waiting outside in his car, and we had an hour-long drive back to Dover.
“Are you able to finish the story?” I asked.
I didn’t want it to be a question, even though I framed it as one. I just wanted her to tell me the rest.
“Sure,” she said. “There are only a few things left to tell. Where was I?”
“Gordon said Mom was involved with his illegal activities,” I prompted her. “There’s no way that was true. Mom would never harm someone. She’d never get involved in anything like that.”
“I know that now,” Beth said. “I asked Mom about it, when I came back. It hurt her just to know Gordon had ever told me that. But you’re right, of course. Mom wouldn’t do such a thing. It was just Gordon messing with me.”
I let out a deep breath. “How cruel.”
“Yes. He was—is. But maybe I also believed it a little, when I was fifteen, because it made it easier for me to leave and stay away. I could use it as an excuse, even if it was ridiculous.”
“So then what happened?”
“Right. Gordon stared at me for a while, there in the dark and the rain. I could see that his mind was running through all the possibilities. He needed to do something with me, something that would make sure I wouldn’t tell what I knew. One possibility was obvious.”
She looked at me knowingly.
“Do you think he wanted to kill you?” I asked.
“I bet he did. Looking back, I feel certain it crossed his mind. The only reason he didn’t do it was because of Mom. I think some part of him, some tiny, decent part of him, just couldn’t go all the way and kill his child. He couldn’t kill Mom’s child.”
“So what did he do?”
“He told me he was going to make me very happy.”