I lower the guard around my heart. “I’ve never stopped loving you Micah, you were my world. I was sixteen, but you were my being and my reason. Age had nothing to do with that.”
Pulling back, my eyes drift into those baby blues. Filled with clear, crystal tears. Before I lose my courage, I’m struggling to find my ability to speak. “Can I ask you something?”
Micah wipes my tears with his thumb, and lets out a relaxed sigh. “Of course you can, pretty girl,” he says with a smile.
His damn smile, oh my, it’s a killer. “Why Ace and not Micah?”
Pausing for a moment, his face masks a look of pain and regret. “You were no longer the one calling my name,” he eyes dart to my lips glistening with my tears, “my name was only yours to say. Coming from your lips was the only time I wanted to hear it. You were no longer with me, and I left that part of me with you. Ace was just a replacement, just like every girl since you has been.” With his admission, he’s searching my eyes for my reaction.
I continue to try to understand what he just said to me, trying to process it all. I’m fascinated, looking at his lips then his eyes, and I gasp at the enormity of their meaning. Our eyes hypnotized with appreciation, locked on one another, with seemingly not a care in the world. Caught up in the moment, I crush my lips to his. The salty taste of our tears melt on my tongue the minute my lips connect with his soft, wet ones. Another giant sob resonates throughout my body, only this time Micah moans, forcefully pulling me against his broad chest. The emotions pour out of each of us, can only be described as carnal. A desperate yearning we both escape in. I’ve lost all rational thoughts.
Running my hands through his hair, I grab it tight, yanking his head back enough so our lips part. My emotions are thundering past my lips. “I hate you so much, I have hated you for so long. God, I gave you all of me, Micah…I gave you so much, more than you know.” My words drift away when our lips reconnect. The chemistry between us is just as potent as it was back then. The moment his strong, firm lips melt against mine, the burning fire in the pit of my stomach ignites. My stomach flutters as my hands tremble with unbridled lust. My connection with Micah is so surreal, it’s as if our bodies remember one another. After all this time, our touches seek all the right spots to caress, nibble, and lick.
Both of our bodies ignite sparks as our lips get acquainted once again. Micah cups my ass, pressing me to him and creating just enough friction against his aching need. Every touch sets fire to my throbbing core against his very hard erection. The clothes we are wearing are the only things separating the needs and desires, each of our bodies crave.
The sensuality of his fingers caressing my hair takes me back to the times when we were sitting in his room and our study sessions took a back seat to making out, instead. Remembering what his hands could do to me, emanate more sobs from my chest. My mind reflects back on happier times, but it comes with a price. The agony I felt when he left. That brings about a overwhelming sense of loss.
Sensing my grief, I know my sad sobs will remind him of times better forgotten. Micah gently strokes my cheeks with his thumbs, wiping away my tears. “Shhh, pretty girl, I got you. You’re where you should be, where you’ve always belonged.” Our ragged breaths linger, filling the quietness of my room.
The only problem with his words is they also come at a cost, and that cost is waiting patiently in the next room. Our innocent talk has breathed life into passion and lustful kisses. I just can’t win, I’m going to hurt myself and someone else in the process. It’s just wrong, but denying my heart what it wants is just devastating.
“Dammit, I’m sorry, El.” Micah says breathlessly. “We shouldn't be doing this, I did not bring you in here for that. I just wanted to talk, and try to beg for your forgiveness. In an ideal world, we could all be friends.” He knows he’s full of shit, I’m not sure why he’s even saying it. “Liza is your friend, I’m not sure how to even begin to understand how screwed this situation is.” Standing, he walks to my window, and gazes up at the sky. “Shit, I’m so messed up right now, El. I’m feeling things I know I probably shouldn’t.” Oh no.
“Don’t say anymore,” standing up, I stop him right there. “You’re with Liza, and you both seem happy. We are the past, things have to stay there. The only question is, can we be friends from this point forward? Naturally, we’re going to be seeing each other.” I reluctantly touch my bruising lips, and they feel like fire has been lit upon them. My mind swirls with the idea that maybe Micah and I could truly be together now. Is it possible? Can it happen? Oh my God, why am I even considering this? Of course, we can’t. Too much has happened for there to ever be an ‘us’ again.
He turned around and is staring at me, trying to figure out what I’m thinking. Still in disbelief he’s here, the pang of jealousy trickles down my spine. I know how Liza feels about him, but the question is how does he feel about her? Facing the idea that Micah might love Liza, hurts, and the green-eyed monster wants to rear its ugly head. Then there’s Nick, what do I even do with him? I want to pull my hair out by its roots as I realize how much of a clusterfuck this situation has become.
Micah’s hands open up to me. “Let's try to make this work. I want to be friends with you, Elsa. I want you in my life, any possible way I can have you and if it’s just as friends, then that’s fine, but if it’s more…”
He closes his hands letting his words trail off. I’m not sure what’s going on in his mind.
Stunned and damn nearly speechless, I open my mouth a few times yet nothing comes out. I try again. “What do you mean by that?”
Very slowly, he raises his eyes to meet mine. “Just what I said, if I can’t have more, then friend’s it is.”
“You would want more, with me? Even after all of this time?” I ask, bewildered. I’d be lying if I said that the idea does not excite a part of me, but that same part scares the shit out of me.
“Are you honestly asking me if I still care about you? Come on El, I just told you minutes ago I loved you. You belong in my arms, not his.” He says directing his finger towards the living room. “This may be fucked up, but if I had my choice…I would choose you, always you.”
With my mouth held open, I gasp holding my trembling fingers to my lips. “What about Liza?” I whisper.
Micah smiles with a deep sigh. “I care for Liza, and up till today, I was developing deeper feelings for her. Then suddenly, the girl I never stopped loving, walked back into my life. Hard to just walk away from that, pretty girl.” His eyes dare me, his lips call to me and his head shakes at me.
Sobbing, my voice cracks, “We can’t,” I say continuing to shake my head as if disagreeing with him wholeheartedly. “You have Liza, and up until last weekend I was alone and sad. I gave you my final goodbye, I finally let Nick inside. Now, I’m confused and pissed and happy as hell you are here in front of me. What the hell am I to do with that, Micah?” I can’t help but sit on my bed allowing my body to shake. An inner war consumes me. How do I just turn my feelings off for Nick, but then again, how do I just walk away, knowing Micah is back?
“Show me, Elsa,” Micah says with a reluctant sigh.
Confused, I angle my head, unsure of what he meant. “Show you what?”
He then points to his hip. “Your tattoo, what did you get to remember me by?
Oh no, he’s getting too close, no way in hell am I showing him that. Not sure why or how he remembers why I got a tattoo, then Liza’s conversations remind me how and why.
My eyes gaze long into his, pleading. “I can’t Micah, please don’t ask that of me. It’s more for me than anyone else.”
“I’m shattered knowing you’ve been in so much pain. Baby, I want to make it better. I want you to give me a chance to make it all better.”
My head screams at me ‘Hell No.'