Showered up, I’m in the kitchen when I hear keys at the door. Shit, it has to be Liza. I’m not sure what kind of storm is heading my way, so I try to act busy. I pretend to wipe the counter as quickly as I can to clean up after last night’s disastrous dinner party. When she stumbles in, I keep my eyes trained on the counter, but not a second later, they automatically swing her way. I know the second my eyes find hers. The expression she is giving me tells me she had a long talk with Micah this morning. Nervously, she’s fidgeting with her hands. Anxious myself, I’m biting my lower lip, holding my nonexistent breath.
This will play out one of two ways, she will either go ape shit on me, or will ignore me all together. The longer we stare at one another, it’s quiet, too quiet, and my eyes wrinkle with worry. No matter what, I refuse to be upset with whatever she decides to say to me. She’s innocent in all of this, just like I am. I never asked for things to play out as they have.
Her eyes shift upward taking in a big breath. “So it seems, I never stood a chance. Not with you back in his life.” Her hands tremble wiping the falling tears. I’m struggling with the fact I want to reach out and comfort her. Wishing like hell I could run to her and give her a much-needed hug, I’m smart enough to know that it’s the last thing on earth she would want. I’m torn for the first time in a very long time, my happiness will come at the cost of my dear friend’s loss.
Taking a step forward, I hold out a trembling hand. “Liza.”
Looking a bit shocked as I approach her, she at once shoots her hand up. “No, don’t. I know. It’s easy to see how much he loves you. The pain in his eyes, when we talked, brought me to tears. Not for me either—for him.” Turning from me, Liza kept talking. She walked to the couch and sat, with her head falling to the back of the sofa. Closing her eyes tightly, she continues to talk while I stay where I am. “He kept talking like he had held all of these feelings inside for a very long time. I had no clue the torch he was carrying for you. I knew there was a girl from his past that he cared for deeply, but holy shit. Hearing him say the words, I not only felt the love he has for you, I could see it in his eyes.”
Shaking her head side to side, she turns to look my way. “You know what was weird? He opened his heart and talked to me as if we’ve been friends for years, but all of it had to do with his feelings for you. I hate to admit I was in awe.”
Her expression changes like she’s conflicted, hell, I think we all are at this point.
She stops talking as I take a few strides to sit next to her. Any other day this would be a normal thing for us, amazing how one day can change it all.
Tapping my knee with her finger, a slight smile formed amidst her tears. “I can see it in you, too. When you first saw him, it’s as if a light had come back into your life. I may hate it, but I can’t deny what is in front of me either. I will never have him—he was never truly mine.”
My eyes are glistening, her pain and slight jealousy is easy for me to pick up on. I’m at a complete loss with what I should say.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper letting my tears fall, to be honest, I wasn’t expecting this conversation to go so calmly.
She’s rubbing tops of her jeans looking uncomfortable. “Why, are you sorry? Because the love of your life came back? You have no reason to be sorry. I can’t hate you, or even him. Jesus, you two are soulmates destined to be with one another. Hell if I can understand it.”
Standing up, she walks next to the window and pauses a minute before she slaps the wall, clearly frustrated. Is it possible for us to maintain a friendship?
“How are we going to do this, Liza?” I ask because this has to be the most bizarre situation ever. “We live together; we work together. How can I be with him and not hurt you?” I’ve asked myself this question, again and again.
My eyes plead with her as she leans her back against the wall. Her eyes furrow in my direction. Letting out an extended sigh, she says, “You won’t. I’ve made peace with this screwed up situation. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt like a bitch, but I honestly don’t want a guy who is so hung up on another girl.”
She has a great point and one I still am having a hard time believing myself. All these years, I never knew his real feelings. The only problem is I have so much to tell him, but first I need to convince myself he is with me for good, that he won’t leave me again.
“Liza,” I say needing my friend more than ever. “I’m a bit lost here. My life is crashing down around me. I’m not sure how to handle it or him. How do I let him in after all of this time?” I’m confused, scared and out of mind for even asking her this question, but she’s my only real friend, outside of Nick.
Moving from the wall, she walks kneeling in front of me. She’s nervous but lays her head in my lap. She's being the friend I desperately need right now. I’m selfish for even asking, but I need her.
“Easy,” she admits. “You let him in. Come to terms with the past five years, and move on. Why sit and stew on the past, it’s over, can’t change it.” Pulling back, she searches my face. “Work on the now, you’ve got a second chance with him. Take it and run. Hell, most of us never find what you have with him. You had it once, lost it, but now you have it back.” Her smile is genuine and this has to be hard for her to admit.
“I still love him,” I let my guard down, telling her the truth.
“Honey,” she pauses. “It’s obvious you do. If it were anyone else, I would put up a fight for him. Since it’s you, it makes it easier. Just do not tell me anything sexual, that would just be cruel.”
We both laugh, cry and hug.
My arms are around her, patting her back. “Okay, no sharing sex stories. Good idea.”
Both of us are wiping our eyes, trying to figure out why we’re laughing, and crying instead of yelling and screaming at one another. Liza keeps joking, it’s her way of dealing with the hurt that is so evident in her eyes. I laugh with her because if I’m honest…I’m relieved as hell I still have my friend. She makes a few comments about us both living together, working together, and the guy she has been sleeping with is now my new guy who was my old guy. WAIT… WHAT?
We both sit, deciding we’re going to take it one day at a time. Figure it out as we go.
“We just move on, try not to dwell on it. I may not sit and be here front and center with you two for a while, but in time maybe.” She says.
“Thank you so much, Liza… for not hating me. I am sorry you had to be in the middle of it. Some story, huh?”
“Yeah,” her reply lingers with an extended sigh. “One I hope not to live through again. I see, I’m going to have to play nursemaid to Nick because he’s going to need someone. That boy is all screwed up right now.”
Shit, she had to mention Nick. Her facial expression is alarming. Her eyes widen and her lop sided grin feeds into my fears. I can only imagine how he’s feeling.
“Ugh, I can’t even think about him right now. I’m having a hard enough time wrapping my head around it all.” Lowering my head, the truth in her words hit home.
“Oh!” She suddenly perks up. “If I sleep with him, that would undoubtedly help.” She’s laughing so hard she snorts.
I crack up, slightly mortified. Her sleeping with Nick would be another guy who we’ve both slept with. That’s a frightening thought.
“Well, at least you are laughing instead of crying. Listen, don’t worry about Nick. He’s a big boy, and he knows more than anyone when it comes to Ace…I mean Micah.” She says frowning as she corrected herself. I can tell she’s wondering what the hell she should call him by.
She lowers her gaze. “Christ, I see I never knew him. All along, he wasn’t who I thought he was. That right there tells me, we would have never lasted.”
We both stay quiet with her admission. What can we say.