“Mother, what do you have to say?” My eyes stare intently on her twitching face. She’s trying to control her emotions, like an actress.
Sipping her coffee she seems totally relaxed. She adds a soft smile nodding her head. Finally she settles her eyes with mine. “Elsa, we do what we need to do. It’s as easy as that,” she politely says, straightening her posture. “That boy has been nothing but trouble for you.”
With that, she’s back to sipping her coffee. The only thing I want to do is go over and slap the cup from her hands. That might help me keep her attention for once. Like always, they think they know best.
“Like hell,” I accuse. “You want to control my life. I’m an adult for Christ’s sakes.”
My dad doesn’t even pause; he’s on his feet in an instant. “Like back when you were sixteen? Come on Elsa, this boy is no good.” His finger is in my face when he shouts.
I mimic his standing position with my own finger pointing at him. “Who the hell gives you the right to tell me who I can and cannot see?”
“Obviously, we need to. Seems the only choice you can make is a poor one. Do you know the embarrassment we felt? Our sixteen-year-old pregnant daughter. Do you Elsa? Put yourself in our shoes for once?”
I’m rendered speechless. There is no talking with these people. They don’t get it, never did. Why I thought I could reason with them was a big mistake. I can’t do this anymore, I don’t need their approval. Not sure why, or what I even hoped I would accomplish with them, but whatever it was, I’m not going to get it. I know if I told them Micah was in my life again, it would throw them for a loop.
It’s not worth the trouble. Storming toward the front door, I hold it open, so the screen is the only thing standing in my way of getting the hell out of here. But, I pause, turn around and let my mouth have its way first.
One hand on the door, my other is clenched tight. Not caring if the neighbors can hear me, I shout, “You know, did it ever occur to you to put yourselves in my shoes? Do you have any idea what I’ve been going through for five long years? Any IDEA?” I’m shaking with rage, but the lack of compassion in their faces, haunt me. “No, all you see is yourselves! It’s a pity, all I needed from you was compassion and a bit of understanding!” My shouting is now a whisper spelling out what I needed from them all along.
“Listen little lady,” my dad says taking a step forward. “You have no idea what life is all about. Your little high school fling was nothing.” He dismisses me with the flip of his hand.
“Nothing?” I’m back to raising my voice. “I loved him! I still love him, you just don’t get it! YOU should have told me he came looking for me. I should have been the one to decide if I wanted to see him or not.” This time I look in my mother’s eyes. “Not you two!”
My dear mother is holding onto my dad’s shoulder, maybe to hold him back. “Elsa, you were always such a fool when it came to him. You let an older boy take advantage of your innocence.” Rolling her eyes, her voice goes low. “Look where it got you. That’s not love honey, that is pathetic.”
So not expecting that!
Tears sting my eyes, I had no idea they harbored such horrible feelings. Not an ounce of love and understanding, no, it’s the look of distaste and pity.
Resting against the door, I realize they stopped loving me the day I stood in this exact hall telling them I was pregnant and scared out of my mind. Seeking help and a bit of understanding—only to find none of it was the last thing I expected when I told them the news.
“You both, to this day, just don’t get me.” I’m not sure why I feel the need to explain, but I do it. “If you had listened to me even once back then, you would have known I loved him. We were young, careful even, but I was never forced into anything.” I’m near speechless, looking at these people who are my parents but right now I realize they are nothing more than strangers.
My dad’s posture straightens, and his look runs colder if that’s even possible.
“Okay, miss high and mighty. What would have happened? If you would have talked to Micah? Or do I assume you have since we are having this conversation today?” He walks closer, but his voice keeps getting louder. “Did you tell that boy he left you high and dry, pregnant with his kid?” He pauses a second before an evil smirk takes over his face. “Who is the one hiding secrets now?”
My head snaps like I’ve just been slapped, and I damn near spit fire. “I’m not hiding this, or lying to him. I will tell him when the time is right.”
“Is that so?” My dad all but gloats as his eyes squint and his evil grin reappears. No idea why.
“What the fuck?”
That’s all I hear coming from behind me. It’s him—he’s here and my dad knew it. He must have seen him, and he—he set me up. Oh my God, how could he do this?
A look of horror flashes across my face, and I gasp before my hand clamps over my mouth. I turn to see Micah and his brother Matt standing, eyes wide, with a look of shock washes over their faces.
Oh NO!!
“Micah.” It pains me knowing what he heard. How awful it is for him to find out this way. Desperate to get to him, I about pull the damn screen door off its hinges.
He backs up a step, holding his hands up. “Tell me what—what the hell is your dad talking about, Elsa?” Eyes wide with shock, he keeps his eyes locked with my dad’s.
I step forward, pleading with him. “Micah, please not now. Let's go back to my place and talk, privately.”
Tilting his head back looking toward the sky, he’s cursing. “Elsa, tell me what. What the hell is he talking about?” His shock now erupts into anger. He’s not getting the answers he’s looking for.
“Micah,” I cry, losing every ounce of energy I had left. I can’t fight him and my parents at the same time. The only one who will lose is me.
Micah’s eyes widen. “HOLY SHIT, it’s starting to make sense now. My God, Elsa were you really pregnant?” Planting his feet wide apart, his hands are clenched and shaking.
I’m not sure how anyone can go from confusion, shock and now anger in a matter of two seconds, but he sure did. What I know is my parents are not saying a word for a change. Matt is still in shock, he’s frozen to his spot, and I’m just at a loss for words. To say I’m hurt is an understatement. I’m confused and annoyed. My parents, yet again, take a hold of a situation and do what they saw fit, not caring if it hurts me in the process. It seems my feelings were never their top priority.
Shock has set in and I’m a trembling mess. Big ugly cries escape from me as I turn to see the smug faces of my parents. Watching Micah come unglued only seems to amuse them.
Mustering the strength, I’m digging deep to find my voice. “Are you happy now? You did this on purpose! You knew he was behind me,” I say, controlling my sobs. “I hate you both now more than ever. It was my story to tell, not yours.” I’m not only sickened, I feel more hopeless than ever before. How dare they make me feel ashamed, when all along all they have ever done is made me feel worthless.
Micah’s still raising his voice, still shouting as shock has settled in. He’s being held back by a struggling Matt. Micah no doubt is stronger than his brother. He’s wounded, heartbroken and feels betrayed.
“What the hell, Elsa,” he keeps saying it over and over followed by a string of, “what the fuck?”
I need him to calm himself so he can begin to understand. My instinct is to run into his arms and hold him tight, but right now I’m afraid he’d reject me. I’m not strong enough for that today. It’s going to take a small miracle for me to fix this.
“What do you want me to say, Micah?” I shout back with my patience starting to run thin. I’m on the brink of losing it.“Not here. Please?” I continue to beg, “let’s go talk, I’ll tell you—all of it.” Just take my hand Micah…just hear me out.