Matt had gone to see her after I left, and her parents told him to leave. He had not seen her, and he told me to give her time. But, when he went back months later, he found out she left to visit her aunt. Then nothing, so I went on and did my service. I deployed for a short time, and I hated every minute of it. It was someone else’s dream, no longer mine.
I did my time and as soon as I could, I got out. Sure, my father was less than pleased I did not make it my career choice, but I eventually stopped caring what he wanted. He’s not me, and I am not him. Enough had been enough.
In all that time, I stopped using my damn name. I couldn’t stand for any female to call me Micah, it felt like a betrayal. That was how messed up I was. A buddy of mine, Marcus, started calling me Ace and it stuck. The endless girls calling me Ace was easier to live with. I screwed every girl I could, to try to erase her from my mind, but it never worked. I even had to close my eyes, dreaming of being inside the sweet little body that belonged to my pretty girl. Finally realizing no girl felt good anymore, I gave it all up. Cut out screwing easy girls, and just lived my life day to day. Maybe one day, I’d move on.
The day I finally got to come home it was like I’d hit the damn lottery. Five God damn long years had passed. Driving down our street, my first stop was her house. Overly excited at the chance of being this close to her again, I damn near couldn’t contain myself. Her parents could at least tell me where to find her. I couldn’t wipe the damn smile off my face the whole time running up to her front door. Her menacing looking father though was less than happy when he realized it was me at the door. Seemed leaving his daughter with little to no explanation was not a wise move on my part.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing here, boy?” His voice was filled with contempt.
“Um…would Elsa happen to live here still?” I asked cautiously.
His snicker came across more like a sneer. “Got some balls to come here.”
Okay, needing to step back. “Um…Sir, I just want to see Elsa. Just got home from the Air Force, and I really need to see her.” I say holding my hands up, hell I’d pray if I thought that would help.
Appearing taller, he grimaces. “No.You.Don’t. If you cared for my daughter at all, you would forget all about her. She doesn’t ever need to see you again. She’s moved on, so should you.”
The door then slammed in my face.
In utter shock, I was at a loss for words.
“SHIT.DAMN.FUCK.” I shout at my brother.
“Listen dumbass, I told you to calm the hell down earlier. But, NO, you just went on and on. Give her time, Micah.” Matt said, raising his voice. The way he keeps moving his head from side to side, I can tell he’s tense and worried. He’s been making sure to let me know he was less than pleased with my rants from earlier. He told me he understood, but just the same, it wasn’t my most shinning moment.
We’ve spent hours looking for her, all the while he’s been preaching to me. All I seemed to do was screw this whole situation up. Finding out you are a father to a child you never knew about is a totally blow your mind kind of moment. At first I was so disgusted, thinking Elsa had an abortion, but I should have known she’d never do such a thing. Adoption though? Someone has my kid. Someone is raising my son… and it pisses me off. He should be my responsibility.
“Micah,” my brother interrupts my thoughts. “Did you once put yourself in her shoes, man? Christ, did you see her parents? Hell, she had to live with THAT shit for years. Can you imagine what she had to deal with… all alone.” Matt’s on a roll, slamming his hand on the dash of my newly detailed Camaro. Yes, my other baby is my Cherry Red Camaro…call her El. Yeah, I know…I had my pretty girl, so my car goes by El.
“Matt,” I grumble and moan. “I was way too mad to think about being rational. All I could think was I have a kid. A kid I never knew existed. Mom and Dad or even you never had a chance to raise the baby while I was gone. Hell, I would have stayed. I would have been back here for my girl, having our baby together.” I’m so pissed, I’m yelling at my brother again. Just like with Elsa, I don’t mean to take it out on them, but damn this sucks.
Matt stings my arm, smacking me with his hand. He’s red in the face, shouting, “Jesus, I’m sitting right here. Stop yelling, because it’s not doing a damn thing for you. Right now, you got your girl missing, and God only knows where she is, and what she is doing or with whom.”
My head snaps at what he’s implying. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean? She’s not a slut.”
A loud duh’ escapes his lips. “I’m not saying she is—dude, but she’s upset and alone…once again, all alone. Now if you're me, I would go drink…a lot. If I was as hot as Elsa, alone—and drinking, what would any guy try to do with that?” He says at me with a raised brow.
I’m damn near hyperventilating; I did not need that mental image he portrayed for me.
“Fuck, we need to find her.”
The way I acted today it’s like a stake in my chest, and the image my little brother planted in my head is pushing that stake in a little further. I screwed up, plain and simple. My girl is out there alone, thinking no one understands what she went through or how she feels, especially right now and she’s right.
My pretty girl had waited five years before she was with another guy, and that alone makes my head dizzy. Nick, that little prick, slid his way into her good side. I had met him a few times when I was with Liza. Shit, at the time I was encouraging him to hit on Liza’s roommate. The roommate I knew as Pip. Hell, I even questioned who the heck has a name like that. I never pushed Liza about it, never cared, to be honest. The only thing I feel right now, is damn stupid.
Liza, is a cool chick and crazy in bed. She helped ease the pain. I escaped my inner turmoil to the one who got away from me. I was honest with Liza, and she knew I had some deep rooted feelings for a girl I was with long ago. I never offered more, and she never pushed. A major reason it worked for us. She liked to have fun, and I liked to party. Remembering back now, I wish I could have put the pieces together, but how? I never saw it coming. Liza’s roommate, aka Pip, was my Elsa Winters…my pretty girl.
Slap me silly, this is some seriously screwed up shit. Add that to the realization that I was also a father to a baby boy we created back five years ago. Whose head wouldn’t be fucked up? Oh man.
The one and only time I had made a girl mine, was the time that a condom had not worked, and because of that, I knocked her up. Even though I’m royally pissed off, it’s not her fault. She most likely hates me after today, and that’s not a great feeling to have to live with. I fucking love that girl. Knowing she was forced to go through all of that alone, that her parents disowned her, makes my skin boil. Her parents are pieces of shit in my by book. When they turned their backs on her, she had to be crushed and scared. A fucking testament to how strong my girl really is. I have no clue how she did it? But, because of her, our son lives and breathes.
I should have been there. I would have had the chance to hold her hand and kiss her forehead. Sure we were young, but I would have made sure we were together. All of it ripped away from us, a life experience we will never get back. This will haunt us for the rest of our lives.
Telling my parents, this afternoon was beyond painful. My father seemed almost as pissed as I had been. He was the one pushing me away from her, but now he’s so furious he has a grandchild he will never see. Somewhere deep down, it seems he likes my pretty girl as much as I do. Well, maybe not that much. Though he acts different now then he did back then. My mom was shattered and in tears, and that crushed me even more. She was horrified to learn that Elsa’s parents made her feel like an outcast. Hell, none of us could believe that one. She was alone, the whole nine months and during the delivery, too. Not knowing what a woman goes through during childbirth, my mom painted the picture and it down right frightened me. When I explained to my mom, I understood the concept of what actually happens, I was scolded for being insensitive to the many emotions a woman goes through. I kept my mouth shut from that point on.