Taking her word for it all, Matt and I, left canvassing the area for her Honda Accord. I called Liza dozens of times telling her what happened, it seems she was as clueless as I was about the baby. It seems like Nick had known all about it, and he made sure I got a play by play of how much darkness my girl has been in. He called me ‘heartless’ and a ‘spineless fuck’ for placing blame on her. The sick part is, I agreed with him. The bastard was right, I was a complete dick all the way, no matter how you looked at it.
I need to find her, explain how sorry I am. I swear I won’t stop telling her and begging for her to give me a chance to make it up. I want to hug her and let her cry it out with me. We need to talk about the baby, I need to hear her story. No interruptions, no one around. Just us, like it should have been all along. If I’d only listened to her!
I fumble with the phone, dialing her number for the hundredth time, “Fuck, she won’t answer me.” Not even bothering to end the call, I throw my phone toward my brother.
“Shit, settle down,” he fumbles around, trying to pick up my phone that is lying between his feet. “Between Liza, Nick and you and I, all looking for her, she’ll show up. We’ll find her, Micah. Just don’t lose your shit again. When we find her, and we will, you better keep your composure and beg as if your ass depends on it. Because brother, I got to tell you, right now you suck.”
Okay, can’t argue with him on that, but I’ve never seen Matt so worked up over any girl I’ve been with before. I’ve always known he liked Elsa, took a liking to her right away. He also knew he better never try to make a move on her or else I’d beat his ass. It was a running joke between us back in the day.
Recalling our fun chats when it came to my pretty girl makes me chuckle. “Why thanks for your load of confidence, brother. AND thank you, Einstein, I know I screwed up today. I just need to find her safe and sound. The rest will be okay. My pretty girl will understand…she has to.” My confidence is not what I’d like it to be, I just need to remain positive. If I let my insecurities creep in now, I will lose my shit all over again.
My phone, which is now lying in Matt’s lap, beeps with an incoming text. I go to grab for it, but he has it already held up away from my reach.
“Christ Micah, eyes on the road. I’ll read it to you.” He huffs before running his fingers over the buttons and reads it.
“Says…oh, it’s from Liza. Looks like Elsa went back to the apartment but left…”
I’m white knuckling the steering wheel, ready to turn back the other way to her apartment until he said she left. Now I’m looking at him, panicked.
“Left…what. What is it, MATT?” His eyes remain on the phone, but they are wide, and I’m not liking the unsettling feeling washing over me.
The way he’s tapping my phone against his forehead is not a good sign. My eyes squint, my lips are thin, and I’m counting to thirty.
“Um…she says she left again…with Nick.” That’s all he says, and when he does, it’s slow and drawn out, I can feel he’s staring at me gauging my reaction.
I’m breathing heavy, mentally counting. Once I’m in the fifties I let out a big powerful sigh. To say I’m a bit angry is putting it mildly. I’m stark raving mad.
“WHAT? Why the fuck would she leave with Nick? Jesus Christ!” My mind is all over the place, and all I can see is him comforting her… my girl…my pretty girl.
“One finger, if he touches her with one fucking finger, I’ll kill him. She’s vulnerable, and if he takes advantage of it…Oh man. I hope like hell he is as smart as I think he is.”
I have to trust my pretty girl, though. There’s no way Elsa would allow that. She wouldn’t do that. Not to me, not now. Her being pissed at me is one thing, but my girl would not sleep with another guy knowing I’m back and we’re working things out. The idea of her turning to him for comfort…is like a kick in the gut.
“GOD DAMMIT.”
“Micah, don’t think the worst, man.”
Slamming my hand against the steering wheel, I’m crazy with the thoughts that are playing out in my mind. The one guy she slept with after all this time, is now comforting her. That is the one thing that’s killing me, she should have never needed to go to him, and that’s on me.
I have to pull the car over on the side of the road, it’s the only thing I can do to calm my nerves. With car in park, I lay my head back, rubbing my nose with my fingers. Breathing slowly, I grab my phone from my brother and try El one more time. Of course, it goes to voicemail. My once raging anger is now melting into anxious need. I need her, I want to be the one holding her.
I leave a message.
Elsa, please call me back, baby. I..I..I need to hear your voice. I’m hurting here, pretty girl, I’m worried and I have so much regret. I’m so fucking sorry for the way I acted earlier. I have left you so many messages. I get that you don’t want to hear from me, but why him? Why Nick? It’s me, Elsa. It should be me, not him. I need you just as much as you need me. Just call me… please, for the love of God, call me baby. I’ll coming running to you, pretty girl. I swear I will. Just give me the chance.
I press end call.
Without looking at Matt, I say. “She’s with him brother, what does that mean for me?” Tears burn my eyes. “I really fucked up.”
He sighs reaching for my shoulder, holding his hand there. “Look Micah, he has been the one who has comforted her for years. It’s only natural she would turn to him.”
They say the truth hurts, and I could not agree more right now.
“Let's go home Matt, she will call when she’s ready… I hope.”
“Give her time, just give her time.” Matt says keeping his gaze out the window.
Nodding, I start up my car and pull away from the gas station I ended up parking in. Home is our two bedroom house we rent together. This little house has been home to us for a while now. After coming back home, I refused to stay with my parents. Matt was a likely choice since I needed a friend, and we liked the idea of neither one of us living back at home.
BEFORE GOING TO sleep, I call her yet again. No answer, no text messages and I’m dying on the inside. I thought I would have heard from her by now. Surely, she has to be home. This gives me an idea, I text Liza.
Me: Hey Liza, El home yet?
Liza: Hell no, wish she was. Nick will keep her safe, but I wish she would call me. Her not calling me tells me how upset she is.
Me: Let me know when she gets home…The minute she walks in… please!
Liza: It’s up to her, sorry no can do.
Me: It’s that, or I come and sleep on your front door…take your pick.