Liza: Jesus Christ, wish you got this worked up over me when we were…shit…forget that.
Me: Don’t go there, this is about her…not us. Please understand.
Liza: Going to bed…Later.
I should have known she would not be much help, but this is not about us. I left her for El, her roommate. She has to understand the history Elsa and I share. Especially now, knowing we have a child out there.
“Hey, bro’ any news before I turn in?” Matt asks appearing in my doorway.
I shake my head before answering. “Not a word Matt, not a word.”
Tapping his fingers on the wall, he’s worried but trying to hide it. “Just let it be tonight, tomorrow is another day.”
“Yeah…sure.” I grimace.
Sitting alone in the dark, I replay my jackass behavior and then my mind wanders to the sounds of a baby crying. Tears fill my eyes, and I’ve never felt this helpless before.
I decide one last time to text her knowing I’ll toss and turn all night with worry.
Me: My sweet Elsa, please, just one word to let me know you are okay. Safe. I’m suffering like hell here, pretty girl. And I deserve it. I know I do. I deserve every bit of hell I’m going through because I brought it on myself. Just give me this, please? Are you okay baby?
Nothing…so I wait…nothing again…so I wait…then nothing.
Me: Please don’t tell me I lost you…not again?
Elsa
EVERY PART OF MY body hurts. My muscles ache, my eyes are puffy, and my head might split in two. I feel like the walking dead today. I’ve never cried so much in my life, reading Micah’s last text had me rethinking my life and where it’s heading. Never did it enter my mind that I could ever turn my back on him. Is that what I should do? Has too much happened between us? Will he always blame me? I can’t imagine we could have a nice long life together while deep down, he has some resentment toward me. Hell, deep down a part of me resents myself.
Standing in the doorway to his bedroom, Nick stands, staring. “Hey sleepy head, how are you feeling today?” He asks smiling. “You sure as hell didn’t sleep, I heard you crying all night. My shirt’s still soaked.” Glancing at his shirt I can easily see what he’s talking about, there are patches of wet spots from where I held on tight, crying while he held me.
Lowering my head, I’m embarrassed this is where I ended up, but I needed him. Like always, my trusted friend put his feelings aside to comfort me. He listened, he wiped my tears and let me vent my frustrations. I owe him so much, and I know I don’t deserve him. As if he can read my mind, he strolls over and sits next to me.
My smile hits his caring eyes. “I owe you so much, thank you for just being you,” I say laying my head on his shoulder. “Wow, what a difference a day can make.”
A sigh escapes his lips. “That’s for sure.” Adjusting our bodies so I’m leaning against his, Nick slowly rubs my arm. “You know you don’t need to see him again, he doesn’t deserve you. After the way he acted yesterday,” he’s struggling to find the right thing to say. “You deserve better, Elsa.”
I heard it from him all last night. He sat and listed all the reasons why I should let Micah go. Unfortunately, my heart never believed in one.
“Yeah,” I sigh. “Maybe you’re right,” I say it, but don’t for one minute believe it. The only thing my mind is concentrating on is what he’s doing right now. With every nagging thought, I bite my lip and wonder. “He has to be going stir crazy, he knows I’m with you, all night by now.” I can only imagine how frantic he is.
Nick arches his eyebrow before letting out a chuckle. “I love the fact he knows you spent the night with me, serves him right.” Of course he does.
Realizing I need to get this over with, I leave my dear friend, and head back home to face the music. All the way home I’m sick with worry. I have no idea what I’ll come home too. Unlocking the door to our building, I look around for him, but I don’t see him. I feared I’d find him camping out by my door or parked in the parking lot. Breathing a sigh of relief, I head to my apartment thinking so far so good.
Pushing the door open, I don’t have to wait long to wonder where he is. He’s here, looking disheveled. Eyes bloodshot, clothes wrinkled, he looks plain awful. He’s sitting with a very pissed off looking Liza. Wow, can’t imagine these two sitting together was a fun time.
Keeping my silence, I shut the door and quietly stroll over to the kitchen table and put my purse down. The eerie quiet from them both has me on pins and needles. Not sure what the hell to say, I decide not to say a word and walk to my room.
“Where the hell have you been, El?” He doesn’t raise his voice, or sound mad, in fact, his voice is filled with so much regret and sadness. I’ve never heard him like this, well, that’s not entirely true. Last night in his messages, he sounded pretty much with the same regretful tone.
I stop and turn back to face him, seeing him deflated and lost is not comforting at all. I should be the one who is pissed off, but I’m not. I’m tired and drained. Continuing to walk to my bed, I sit, and out a sigh. Lowering my head into my hands.
Micah joins me, kneeling in front of me settling between my legs.
“Pretty girl, why baby? Why go to him? Why spend the night with him?” He pauses when I partially close my eyes, knowing the tears are coming. “Me, Elsa, you should have been with me.”
My nerves and lack of sleep have my tolerance at an all time low, and his remark has hit a nerve. “Really?” I say with a bit more sarcasm than I intended. He’s taken back with it as well as his eyes winced.
“Hell yes, it’s my job to comfort you. Not his.” Clenching his fists, I can see he is contemplating his next words carefully. “Look, I screwed up…badly. Baby,” he says, stretching out his hand for mine, “you just turned my world upside down. I didn’t handle it well and took it out on you. I was so wrong. Please say you forgive me.” His intense look and warm feel of his touch, softens all of my anger I had with him yesterday.
With his arms around my legs, he squeezes them tightly, laying his head in my lap. Not being able to stop myself, before I know it, I’m running my fingers through his hair. Comforting him, helps ease me in strange ways. The tears form and fall with ease, and it’s not just my tears that are falling. With each tear that escapes his eyes, a part of my soul weeps. I can also feel my pants getting wet from the tears Micah is shedding.
“I’m so damn sorry, El. I’m hurting here…and I’m scared.”
His apology is all I needed.
“About what?” I choke out.
“Losing you, babe. I can’t lose you…not again. Put me out of my misery Elsa, will you forgive me?” Staring back, his eyes highlight his pain and agony, if he only knew seeing him this way is agony in itself.
Biting my lower lip, my tears fall faster. How I ever thought I could stay mad at this guy is beyond frustrating. If he only knew how much of my heart he owned.
“Can I show you something?” I shakily ask him knowing how significant this moment is going to be.
His head peers up. “Of course.”