“I’m not sure, scared I guess.”
“A part of me is scared shitless. I want to see him, but what scares me the most is that it won’t change a damn thing. I don’t have a right ever to get him back… is it better not to find him?” His voice softens to a whisper.
With a deep sigh. “Oh Micah, it’s not a bad thing and I’m not sure myself. Are we better to just let it go? If we see him, we’ll want him back, and that’s most likely not possible. My heart breaks either way.”
He gives me a gentle kiss and hugs me tight. A way to reassure me... or comfort me, either way it’s nice.
“Will it ever get easier? Micah, sometimes I’m scared our damaged past will always come between us. We’ve both lost so much.”
He lightly laughs, kissing the top of my head. “Were not damaged baby, we just have history. Some parts will always hurt, but we get to make our future. We will do it right.”
Falling asleep, I’m praying he’s right.
MY LAST DAY AT the dental office came and went. It was also my last day of living with Liza, she stayed away from most of the moving. Just when Micah, Matt and I were getting the last of the few boxes, Liza and Nick walk in together. We all pause, looking at one another. It’s obvious no one wants to be the first to speak. So I do.
“Hey guys, just getting the last of my things and I’ll be out of your hair.” I say in a cheerful tone. Swallowing down how awkward this really is.
Liza merely nodded. “Um, okay. You do know I’ll miss you, right?” Her voice is soft, and she’s avoiding to look me in the eyes.
I’m a bit surprised, so I smile and give her a hug. “Yeah, I know. I’ll miss you too, and when you’re ready, if ever… we can do lunch.”
“Do I get to come to lunch, or am I off limits to you, now that you are being back with him?” Nick chimes in, saying it in a not so friendly tone while he points his finger at Micah.
Standing in between them, I hold up my hand to Nick. “Stop it. I’m always going to be your friend, unless you don’t want to be my friend anymore.” It’s not the time for Nick to go off, I’m sure Micah will no doubt respond.
Turning my head to Micah, I see he’s fighting all of his urges. A bulging vein is pulsing in his neck. Good Lord, he’s pissed.
Standing up taller, Micah inches closer. “Nick, do not give her shit. If you can’t support us, stay the hell away. Simple as that.” Micah and Matt share a look, both ready to beat his ass if need be.
“Do you speak for her now too, Micah? Should I just ask you for permission before I talk to her?”
“Fuck off, man.” Micah’s close to losing it with the way his fists are balled up. Just to keep the peace, Matt reminds Micah to chill.
“STOP IT,” I shout, placing my hand against Micah’s chest. Turning back to Nick, I snap. “God, what is wrong with you? Right now, I don’t even want to be around you. You used to want the best for me, I’m sorry it’s not you. But hell, you out of anyone knows how much I have always loved him. This is not new to you.” I’m scrambling trying to reason with a head shaking Nick.
“Yeah, I know that, unfortunately. Too bad I went and slept with you right before the ass-hat came back into the picture.” He says deadpan.
Ouch, that one stung. Raising my eyes to meet Micah’s I’m about floored with the murderous glare he’s giving Nick.
“Man, I will beat your ass if you talk to her like that again.” Micah’s patience is running thin. I’m amazed he hasn’t hauled off and decked Nick by now.
Nick huffs a breath holding up his hand, “No worries, I’m out of here. Good luck with this, Liza.” He says and walks out the door as well all stand too stunned to speak. I want to cry, but crying over Nick in front of Micah would be a disaster. Although he now knows how much Nick helped me over the years. I told him all about it.
“What a dick.” Matt sighs.
Rocking in place, I’m biting my nails. “He’s right, it’s my fault. I hurt him, and he’s pissed.”
“Like HELL it is,” Micah shouts.
Matt calmly adds, “Elsa, he fell for you. Right now, he can’t be a friend, but with time, he will come around.”
Leave it to Matt to find the right words to make me feel better. Liza clears her throat, eyes looking sympathetic. “Pip, give him time. I’m having a really hard time with this, too. But I do see how much you two love one another…it’s great for you both. Unfortunately, he refuses to see it. He wanted it to be him.” To shock me even more, she comes to give me a hug.
Looking over at Micah, she asks, “Take care of her, okay?”
“You bet I will, and Liza, thanks for everything. I know the whole situation is difficult on all of us. I hurt you , and for that I’m truly sorry.”
They pause a moment, lost in one another. It’s awkward, but I can’t get upset. Finally Liza sighs and smiles. “Yeah, I know. Get going and get into the new place. I’ll miss you at work too, Pip, but in time, I’ll call you…okay?”
We share one last hug before we pack up the last of the boxes. Knowing I hurt my two best friends hurts, and I only hope one day they both can forgive me. I’ve got to learn to deal with it, my past is my past and that may include Nick in it. My future is sitting in his car holding my hand driving us to our new home. Its move in day!
Boxes are all around the house, we hardly have any furniture, but Micah’s mom is on a mission to fill the house as quickly as possible. To be honest, having pillows around to sit on was kind of fun. We do have a bed, Micah had a king size bed and a top of the line mattress. It’s like sleeping in heaven, mine was a queen and it’s in one of the spare rooms.
Matt left after the last box was brought into the house, so it’s just us. Micah orders Chinese and we are going to sit on our pillows and watch the TV, which is plugged in on the floor. Our first night, we are christening it with good food and hockey. Blackhawks are playing the Minnesota Wild, so to make Micah’s night, I pulled out my favorite player’s jersey. Yes, I’ve had it for a few years. Knowing it was my man’s favorite team, I followed as well. I swim in the damn thing, it’s more of a nightshirt. Jonathan Toews is my favorite player, #19. To add to Micah’s entertainment, I strolled out in my jersey and black panties. Nothing else.
His mouth damn near dropped to the floor at the same time his fork fell to his plate. He stopped to give me a once over, well many times over actually. Sitting next to him on my pillow, I crossed my legs and can see him eyeing my freshly shaved legs.
“I see what I’m having for dessert,” He says with a lick of his lips.
“Um, what is that? We need to hit the store tomorrow.” I’m not paying any attention to his flirty side, I’m watching the hockey game while he obviously is not.
“Don’t need the store, babe.”
I happen to follow his eyes as they roam up my legs turning his head to sneak a peak under my jersey.
“Like what you see?” I ask raising my eyebrow.
Licking his lip, he wickedly agrees. “Do I ever. I knew living together was a fabulous idea. Even better idea that Matt is no where around to interrupt me doing many naughty things to you.”
Licking my fork, I sigh. “Lover-boy, watch the game.”
“Game now… Elsa later.” He declares with a grumble.
The game was excellent, we won by two goals. And true to his word, Micah got his dessert. Our first night in our new home was christened properly. First the living room, then the master bedroom. By the time we made it to the bed, we were both too tired to give it another go around. That would have to wait for another night…just not tonight.
FIRST DAY AT TAYLOR Security, I’m taking in my new surroundings trying to make better use of the space they have with the reception area. To date, they’ve never had a front desk person, they’ve handled it all themselves as a two man show. In the short time they have been open, they are slowly getting busier which is exactly why they needed the extra help. The phone rings the moment I step foot in the front door along with a few clients who had stopped by for appointments.