Tenderly, he places a kiss on my shoulder, as he whispers in my ear, “My God, you’re so beautiful.” Walking around me, he traces his finger to my neck before delicately trailing it down between my aching breasts. His touch causes shivers to cascade down my spine. The soft touch is foreign, but I ache for more. My eyes drift closed as a flurry of emotions flood my head and my heart. Every touch echoes another set of hands that had softly traced every inch of my body. Unmistakable hands forever cemented in my mind. No matter how long ago it was, I’ll always remember. Oh God, this can’t be happening right now. Five long years have passed. How is it possible I can still remember how he felt? It’s as if that memorable night has been forever branded in my soul.
I can feel Nick hesitantly pulling away. “I’m so sorry.” My tears spring to life.
“Hey,” pulling me around to face him. “Baby girl, no tears, not tonight. I won’t let him in, not between us, not this evening.” I swear, Nick has an ability to sense my flaws, he is just painstakingly sweet and I don’t deserve him. I’m baffled as to why he would want a girl who is so hung up on a guy who is no longer in the picture.
My hands hide my face as my voice catches in my throat. “I don’t understand why I’m crying, why I can’t…forget.” I’m so desperate to get over my past, I beg Nick. “Please, forgive me, help me to forget him.”
“Hey,” letting out a staggered sigh to calm himself, he cups my hands in his. “I knew this might happen. It’s okay El, I prepared myself just in case.” I gasp and widen my eyes horrified.
“What?”
“Just tell me one thing,” he moves closer so we are nose to nose. “Do you want me, Elsa?” The obvious pain in his eyes melts me to my core. We are both hurting. I want Nick, but as much as that is true, it does not stop my brain from remembering…him.
I’m abruptly feeling the need to sit down as a wave of light-headedness overwhelms me. With a few calming breaths, I can’t help but feel ashamed. “I do, please believe me when I say I do.” The moment feels like a bucket of cold water put the flames out. I can’t help shaking my head repeatedly as my voice cracks with each tear that falls. “I should have known this wouldn’t work out.”
Bending forward, Nick wipes away my tears. “Oh, it will work. I’m not stopping. You want me and I need to make you forget him. I need you to realize how good it can be between us. Let me love you, El. Let me be your new beginning, it’s time to let him go…for good.”
That pretty much sealed it for me. He’s right, I need him as much as I want him. It’s time for a new beginning. It’s time I moved on from Micah.
With a flutter in my stomach, I’m hyper-aware of the tingling sensations running rampant when our eyes lock onto one another. As I affectionately, reach out to touch his cheek, he leans in and seals his lips to mine, unleashing all of his warmth and sweetness. His plump lips are all-consuming, and before I know it, his hands wrap around me. Slowly laying me back on my bed, he sits, slowly stripping himself of his shirt. Seeing him this way and knowing what’s about to happen, my fingers flex, begging to touch the trail of hair that runs down his chest, dipping below his jeans. My fingertips trace downward to unsnap his jeans. The slight moan that escapes my lips seems to spur him on, lifting his hips into my eager hands.
“Sweet Jesus El, I’ve wanted you to touch me like this for so long. I’m afraid I’m going to explode the minute I feel you take me in your hands.” Nick can’t help but cover my hand with his as I lower his zipper sliding into his boxer briefs. He may have expected me to be timid and shy, but I’ve lacked any sexual contact for years, so right now I’m not shy at all, but that does not ease my nervousness.
Not able to contain my utter surprise, I gasp. “Oh shit, Nick, you’re like…big.” I’m so embarrassed. Did I just say that to him?
He belts out a laugh while kissing my neck. “Oh baby, you just wait.”
I swallow loudly, “Okay.”
In no time at all I’m stripped naked, with Nick looming over me in all his glory. He’s quite beautiful. He works out, and it shows. Each muscle is proudly displayed for me to ogle.
“I’m going to take this slow, baby.” I know he is trying to assure me because my body is trembling under him.
My hesitant nod has me feeling like I’m a virgin again. I might as well be since I’ve only had sex once. My other experience was altogether a different situation, I’m not comfortable discussing. Especially not with Nick.
I’m struggling with these memories invading my mind. To push those away, I resort to begging. “Please, I need to feel you.”
He positions himself over me while, gazing into my eyes, and we just pause, staring at one another. I’m not sure what he is searching for, but the look he’s giving me tells me he will make it good, that he is right for me.
“Do you trust me, El?” His emerald eyes implore me.
Not able to find my voice, I simply nod.
“Do you want me?”
I nod again.
“Thank Christ,” he says, with a pant.
Leaning forward, he takes my lips again, bearing his full weight. My arms automatically wrap around him and my legs easily fall open. With the help of his hand, Nick lines himself to my center. Feeling him there, I panic and damn near jump off the bed.
“Hey baby, just feel me. Let go.” Repeating this many times in my ear.
A humming noise escapes my throat.
I’m so excited. I know I’m beyond wet, more like drenched because his erection glides with ease, sliding over my clit with every stroke. Arching my back, he takes advantage and sucks a nipple into his mouth while continuing to torture me with his erection sliding up and down my center. This time, I’m losing it. The stars come out, and I scream his name.
“Holy hell, that was hot.” He’s breathing hard, yet I’m the one who had the over the top orgasm.
Blinking rapidly, I’m gasping for my next breath. “Oh, that was…just wow.”
Each moan escaping his mouth is louder than the last in the process of kissing his way up my neck settling on my lips. “Oh baby, you are in for a surprise. Get ready, Elsa.” Nick says nervously while sliding on a condom. The minute I see the green wrapper, I tense up…terrified. My saving grace this time is I’m on the pill and have been for years. Not that I necessarily needed it, but I’ll be damned if I would allow that to happen to me again. My heart would not survive it.
“You okay?” I’m sure the look on my face is nothing less than horrific.
Blinking rapidly, I whisper, “Yeah, of course. It’s just…you know.”
With a nod of his head, his look tells me he understands exactly what I meant. “Baby, I’ll make sure you’re okay. I know what you’re thinking, I also know you’re on the pill. I’ve seen you take it for years. No worries.”
Having him candidly acknowledge my pill routine, enlightens me to how much he knows about me. Lining himself up, he takes his time, kissing my neck. With my thoughts held hostage, I close my eyes fighting what I’ve been avoiding. I knew whenever I had sex again, Micah would no longer be the only one who would have touched me this way. Deeply, not only in my body, but my soul as well. I’ve kept that part reserved solely for him. Maybe that’s part of my problem.
Nick gently pushes inside as tears escape my eyes. I’ve got so many different emotions swirling in my mind. My sudden panic attack halts my breathing, and I hold onto his arms with an iron grip. Nick continues to push himself into me, an inch at a time.
His body shakes over mine. “Oh shit, Elsa, you’re so tight.”
Those innocent words sink into my mind, cutting me deep. The slight shred of pain coming from him stretching me does nothing compared to the pain that’s tearing my heart in two. Taking every inch of him he has to give, my mind echoes, “Good-bye Micah,” as my tears fall for one final goodbye.