“So,” she said, “I guess you must not be married.”
“No.”
“But you were.” She said it softly, and with such certainty.
He didn’t ask her how she knew, just replied, “Yes.”
It was then he discovered that his left hand had not stayed in its safe, friendly berth on her shoulder, that while he’d been busy navigating perilous conversational shoals it had gone wandering off on an even more hazardous quest of its own. That his palm now curved around the side of her neck, his fingertips flirted with the curls on her nape and his thumb was beginning an exploration of the ridge of her jaw and the velvety curve of her cheek. From out of nowhere a pulse began to pound in his belly, like an impromptu solo from a surprised but eager drummer.
He couldn’t for the life of him figure which would be more dangerous, the turn the conversation had taken, or the direction his wandering hand was leading him. He did know that if she asked one more question, the next obvious question, he was going to find himself churning through some emotional rapids he wasn’t at all sure he was ready to handle yet. On the other hand, he’d kissed plenty of women before, and never had a problem handling the consequences.
Then again, he’d never kissed Jane Carlysle.
He would have liked to think that he’d reasoned it all out like that ahead of time, and that what happened next was a carefully planned tactical maneuver on his part, a diversion and nothing more. He certainly tried his best to justify it that way afterward. But, there was that delighted little drummer in his belly, the pounding of it a thunder in his ears that completely drowned all thought. And there was her lip, full and vibrant against the sensitive pad of his thumb. So in the end, when he felt her lips part and the moist warmth of her breath bathe his skin, he put his mouth there simply because, like taking his next breath, it seemed impossible not to.
A second or two later, Hawk knew he was in big trouble. If he’d thought that by substituting physical intimacy he could avoid the emotional, he’d miscalculated-badly. And if he’d thought that just because it was dark he could forget that crinkly fan of lines at the corners of her eyes, or the compassion, or the warmth of her smile, well, that was another mistake.
There was the “nice” smell of her, the earthy, womanly feel of her body against him, so familiar and yet so long denied it seemed utterly and completely new. He knew then that kissing this woman could never be just a physical thing. That with her, the physical and emotional were inextricably tangled, and that, far from steering himself a safe course around the maelstrom, he’d suddenly found himself capsized, in up to his neck and swimming for his life.
Odd, though, that with so much going on inside him, the kiss was such a gentle thing.
It seemed almost as if she’d expected it. There was no gasp of surprise, no initial resistance, but no overwhelming response, either. Neither advancing nor retreating, she simply accepted, with a faint, almost inaudible sigh, asking of him no more than he wanted to give her. Her lips were warm and compliant, denying him nothing, and yet he sensed she held most of her self, her passions and feelings, in reserve. He drew away from her, finally, feeling vaguely frustrated and emotionally battered.
She whispered, “Did you do that to distract me?”
His first reaction was to mutter epithets under his breath, and he remembered how she’d laughed at him the last time he’d tried to put a move on her. He also remembered the elbow to the solar plexis that had dropped that Campbell guy in his tracks, and he thought that she sure did have a way of catching a man off guard and with his defenses down.
Then he realized, belatedly, that she’d thrown him a lifeline.
He reached for it with a grateful laugh and asked, “Is it working?”
She considered in silence for a moment. “Hmm. Apparently. I’m not upchucking all down your front, anyway.”
“Don’t know when I’ve had a more enthusiastic testimonial,” said Hawk cheerfully. And after a pause, “Want to do it again?”
She gave the smallest of shrugs and said, “Sure.”
So it was on that basis that he was able to put aside the emotional baggage, finally, and just enjoy her on a purely physical level. By deluding himself, and her, too, into believing, for the moment, at least, that it was only an exercise in psychology, a recreational diversion. The thing he was best at-a game.
As games went, it was engrossing, to say the least. One hell of a diversion, recreational or otherwise. Having given himself permission to indulge in lust he made the most of it, and was gratified to discover that she was no slouch at this particular game herself. In fact, when he finally did come up for air, he figured he’d pretty much have to call it a draw.
“How’re we doin’?” he inquired in a thick mumble. leaning his forehead against hers and stroking her shoulders in a solicitous sort of way. For his part, the answer to that would be, not great; his tongue was something fat and furry, and his heart was beating way too fast.
“Still okay, I think.” But her voice wasn’t steady.
She tilted her face up and he ducked his head to meet her mouth once more, this time like a thirsty man going for his cup. She gave a little sigh and her arms came around him. His slipped into place around her, and her body eased in against him like a perfect, sweet meshing of well-oiled gears.
He felt a tremor run through her…the right kind of tremor. And before he could do a thing to stop it or control it, a violent shudder caught him and rocked him to his toes. He felt a rolling shock wave of heat and pressure, heard the thunder of his own blood in his ears. Nothing to do then but go with it…
A low growl vibrated through his chest as he shifted his arms and caught her hard against him, making her feel all the heat and strength and power in his body, making her know, on the most primitive of levels, his maleness and her own femininity.
She gave a strange little cry; her head fell back and her mouth opened still more under his, both a surrender and an invitation. He took advantage of it with a single, fierce thrust, found the deepest and most perfect melding, the mating of mouths that is unmistakably symbolic of, and almost always a prelude to, the joining of bodies.
Of course, that kind of kiss has only two possible conclusions: complete satisfaction, or total frustration. Hawk knew that going in. He also knew, given the circumstances, that there wasn’t much doubt which way this one was going to wind up. So all he could do, finally, was peel himself away from her, feeling tense and creaky as an overwound watch, mentally kicking himself and swearing under his breath.
He listened to the sounds of their breathing, like storm surf lashing against rock. and waited for her to say something. He could have bet money it wouldn’t be anything expected. And it wasn’t.
“Well,” she said after a careful clearing of her throat, “I suppose this is private enough. But I don’t imagine it’s quite what you had in mind, is it?”
He was still so jangled he wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. He even laughed a little before he realized he didn’t have any idea what she was talking about. Still chuckling uncertainly, he staid. “I beg your pardon?”
“This morning. You said. when you kissed me, you wanted it to be private enough…I think you said. for what comes after. But I don’t think this is what you meant.”
He had no idea how to answer her.
“Of course,” she went on, her voice shaken and raspy, but gentle in the darkness, a reminder to him both of the kind of woman she was and of the shameful way he’d just used her, “I know you didn’t mean it, then-about kissing me. I know you were just trying to find a way to stay close to me-or to the painting, rather. Funny, isn’t it, how things work out sometimes?”
His stomach was roiling and coiling-the watch spring coming unwound. He snapped, “For God’s sake, Jen.” And stopped, shock freezing his insides.