As the years passed, the notion of stuffing a pet dog became a kind of metaphor for Alda, reminding him that it was a mistake to cling to the past, no matter how much he wanted to, and that he must accept the changes that life presented, no matter how difficult. Alda shared the story—and the life lesson—in his 2005 autobiography, appropriately titled:
Never Have Your Dog Stuffed: And Other Things I’ve Learned
Book titles that begin with the word never have been very popular over the years and, in at least one case, quite influential in changing some longstanding human perceptions. In 1948, the Canadian Wildlife Service assigned Farley Mowat, a well-known Canadian naturalist, the task of investigating the reason behind the declining caribou population in northern Manitoba. At the time, most officials suspected the local wolf population, and this belief was the rationale for a proposed plan to greatly reduce, and possibly even eradicate, wolves from the region. After spending two summers and one winter in the frozen tundra, Mowat made a discovery that would forever change his life. The wolves, instead of devastating the caribou herds with their marauding ways, subsisted primarily on small mammals, especially rodents. In a report of his findings, he concluded:We have doomed the wolf not for what it is but for what we deliberately and mistakenly perceive it to be: the mythological epitome of a savage, ruthless killer—which is, in reality, not more than the reflected image of ourselves. We have made it the scapegoat for our own sins.
More than a decade after his discovery, Mowat chronicled his experiences in a 1963 book that was subtitled The Amazing True Story of Life Among the Arctic Wolves. The book’s title was perfectly suited as welclass="underline"
Never Cry Wolf
The title was borrowed from a centuries-old saying that has long communicated an important life message: never lie, for if you do, people will not believe you when you are telling the truth. The saying, and the story behind it, is based on Aesop’s famous fable “The Boy Who Cried Wolf.” Shortly after Mowat’s book was published, the Canadian Wildlife Service was overwhelmed with letters from concerned citizens voicing opposition to the slaughtering of wolves. Even though the Wildlife Service denied any plans for such an eradication, and despite the many critics who disputed Mowat’s findings, this single book substantially changed the way people viewed Canis lupus. In a 2001 article in The Canadian Historical Review, historian Karen Jones hailed the book as “an important chapter in the history of Canadian environmentalism.” In 1983, Mowat’s book was adapted into the popular Disney film Never Cry Wolf, with actor Charles Martin Smith giving an unforgettable performance as the Canadian naturalist.
From the very beginning of the film industry in America, movies have also been given neveristic titles, many borrowed from popular catchphrases:
Never Send a Man to Match a Ribbontitle of a 1910 silent film
Never Say Dietitle of 1938 Bob Hope & Martha Raye film
Never Put It in Writingtitle of 1964 Pat Boone film
Never on Sundaytitle of 1960 film starring Melina Mercouri
Never Give an Inchtitle of 1977 film starring Paul Newman,
the first film to be broadcast on HBO
Never Talk to Strangerstitle of 1995 film starring
Rebecca De Mornay & Antonio Banderas
Song titles beginning with the word never have also been popular over the years, including a Sophie Tucker classic about philandering husbands:
“Never Let the Same Dog Bite You Twice”
This is the title as well as a recurring lyric in one of Tucker’s most famous songs, originally sung in the 1920s and preserved on her Golden Jubilee Album (2005). The song was written by the legendary Sammy Fain, who took a popular American proverb and applied it to cheating men. Here are the most famous lyrics from the song:Never let the same dog bite you twiceDon’t let no man two-time youNever pet or play with a dog that bit you once
And a man who will cheat will always repeat
The song contains one other set of intriguing lyrics. And while it is not a neverism, I think you’ll enjoy it:You put a muzzle on a dogBecause the law says you shouldBut you can’t put a muzzle on a manWhere it’ll do much good
Over the centuries, many thousands of books, songs, and movies have been given titles beginning with the word never. A few can be found elsewhere in the book, but in the rest of this chapter, you’ll be looking exclusively at neveristic titles, and occasionally at the stories behind them.
Never Learn to Type:
A Woman at the United NationsMARGARET ANSTEE, title of 2003 book
When Anstee stepped down from her post as United Nations Under-Secretary General in 1992, she was the highest-ranking woman in UN history. As a teenager, Anstee realized that the possession of typing skills would only increase her chances of being relegated to the steno pool. Of the book’s title, she said: “The title that now adorns this book is a dictum that I invented for myself and have also stuck to throughout my career.”
Never Stand Between a Cowboy and His SpittoonLEO W. BANKS, title of 2001 book
Never Eat Anything That Moves!
Good, Bad, and Very Silly Advice from KidsROBERT BENDER, title of 2002 book
Bender asked elementary school teachers to submit the most memorable advice their students had for their peers. The contributions ranged from the sobering (“When your parents fight, don’t blame it on yourself”) to the silly (“Don’t lick the beaters when they’re on”). There were also a number of delightful neverisms:
Never try to dress your cat.
Never smell your dad’s feet.
Never imitate an angry teacher.
Never milk a cow without an udder.
Never go swimming at Reptile Land.
Never eat a magnet when you have braces.