His brother shrugged. “So what? It’s not like we’ll need them again. Now, are you ready to do this, or do you need to pass out like a pansy again first?”
Julius began to shake. His brother really meant to do it. Of course, Julius had known Justin had no problem killing the humans when he’d suggested they sneak in, but he’d talked himself into believing that was acceptable since Katya would be inside. But she wasn’t, and these people were just standing there. If Justin attacked, they’d defend themselves, and then he’d kill them. Even if he didn’t, there was no way they’d believe he was human past the first fire breath, which meant if Justin didn’t kill them, Chelsie would. Either way, every human in this room was about to be dead, and it would be all Julius’s fault.
“No,” he whispered.
“What did you say?” Justin asked, arching an eyebrow.
“No,” Julius said again, lifting his head. “We’re not going to attack. We’re not going to fight these people.”
“Well, how else are you going to get them to talk?”
“I don’t know,” he confessed. “But I thought I’d start by asking.”
Justin rolled his eyes. “I’m serious.”
“So am I,” Julius growled.
His brother stared at him in utter confusion, like he couldn’t believe he was hearing this. Julius couldn’t believe he was saying it. He’d never directly contradicted anyone in his family before, much less Justin, but he didn’t take it back.
He wasn’t sure exactly when he’d reached his limit—when he’d nearly died fighting that lamprey, or when he’d realized they’d done all of this for no reason. Marci had just told him the storm drain with the ward he’d found earlier led directly into the shaman’s commune, which meant that if he’d followed his instincts instead of letting Justin bully him into a more “draconic” plan, none of this would have happened. They might have even have gotten in quick enough to catch Katya before she bolted. They definitely wouldn’t have almost died fighting a stupid lake monster they’d never needed to bother in the first place, and the more Julius thought about that, the angrier he got.
He always did this. He always let bigger dragons talk him into doing things he didn’t want to do, because they were draconic, and he knew he should want to be like them. But he didn’t. He’d been told his whole life that he was a failure, but how could he be anything but a failure when the thought of acting like Justin or Ian or any other successful dragon filled him with loathing? The attempts and subsequent disasters of tonight were like a microcosm for his entire existence, and Julius was sick to death of it. Sick of the expectations, sick of failing them, sick of trying to be what he wasn’t. He was sick of everything, and he wasn’t going to do it anymore.
“I’m done,” he said.
Justin scowled at him. “What do you mean? Done with what?”
“Everything.” The word fell so easily from Julius’s lips that it startled him, but even more surprising was the weight that fell off with it. It was like he’d let go of two decades’ worth of fear and expectations, and suddenly, he felt light as a feather. “I’m done,” he said again, his voice full of wonder. “I give up.”
“You can’t give up!”
A bit of the backlash must still have been lingering, because the sound of his brother’s anger almost made Julius laugh. “Watch me,” he said, putting out his hands in surrender. “I always thought if I just tried hard enough, I could change myself, but I can’t. I can’t change what I am, and if I keep trying to force it, I’m just going to keep failing like I always have. But I’m done banging my head against the wall. It’s time to face the truth, and the truth is I’m never going to be like you, and I’m never going to be the sort of dragon Mother wants, either.”
His brother’s growl grew louder with every word. By the time Julius finished, it was vibrating the puddles of water at their feet. “You can’t be serious.”
“Why not?” Julius said. “I can’t just keep doing the same thing over and over and hope some day I’ll get a different outcome. That’s crazy. If I want to get out of this rut, then I’m going to have to try something new. So I’m going to do things the way I want for once and see what happens. I mean, it’s not like I can fail any worse.”
“You absolutely can!” Justin roared, making the humans at the other end of the platform jump. Justin didn’t even spare them a look, though he did lower his voice. “Dammit, Julius, can’t you see I’m trying to keep you alive here? How am I supposed to convince Mother not to eat you when your ‘plan’ consists of ‘ask humans nicely, hope it works out’?”
His teeth were bared and sharp when he finished, but Julius couldn’t help smiling. That little speech was the closest his brother had ever come to actually admitting he cared. In the end, though, it didn’t change a thing.
“I’m tired of trying to be what I’m not,” Julius said, pushing off the wall to stand on his own. “You were right. This is a test. My test, and from here out, I’m going to pass or fail on my own. I’m done doing things I’m ashamed of, so if you still want to stay and help, you’re welcome, but we’re doing this my way from here on.”
Looking as scared as he felt would fatally undermine his point, so Julius held his ground with all the bluster he had. Inside, though, his heart was pounding. This was the first time he’d ever told his brother what to do, and he fully expected to have to pay for it. Justin wasn’t the sort of dragon who took challenges to his dominance lightly.
But though he was braced for the retaliatory fury, Justin didn’t say a word. He simply stepped back and opened his arms in a go for it gesture. So, with a nervous swallow, Julius went, using the wall for balance as he hobbled back across the platform toward the mages on the other side.
Chapter 9
Almost as though they could sense they were among predators (which, on some deep, instinctual level, they probably could), all the humans, including Marci, had drifted to the far side of the cement platform, as far from the dragons as possible. They were all talking seriously as he approached, their heads together, and then Marci turned to point Julius out to the large man who seemed to be the leader.
As humans went, Julius supposed he was handsome in a rough, rugged way. Tall and imposing with dark black skin and thick, tight curled hair that ran down his face to form an equally impressive beard, he looked more like an angry river god than the sort of person you’d find running a mage commune. His clothes were even stranger, a perfectly cut outfit of a long duster, vest, pants, and tall boots all made out of deep green alligator leather. It wasn’t until the man stuck out his hand and introduced himself, though, that Julius understood why anyone would voluntarily dress like that. This was the human Katya had supposedly left the party with. Ross Vedder, the alligator shaman.
“So,” he said as Julius took his hand. “You’re the one leading the group that took out the lampreys. On behalf of all of us, thank you. We’ve been trying to get rid of that menace for months.”
“You’re welcome,” Julius replied, savoring the rare words. “But we can’t take too much credit. We got lost and ran into the lampreys by accident. Anything else that happened was self defense.”
The man laughed. “Lost, huh? You got guts getting lost down here. So what brings you to our neck of the pipes? You three hunting bounties?”
“No,” Julius said, pausing for a steadying breath. Here went nothing. “We’re actually looking for a woman named Katya. Is she here?”