Got to be that way.
Cause there’s no way in hell I’m going anywhere near the girl.
– Hey, babe.
– Hey.
– How you feeling?
– Fine.
– Good.
I’m upstairs in the big apartment, wandering from living room to kitchen to bedroom to bathroom. Picking up odds and ends of garbage: take-out bags piled on the counter, cards for locksmiths and dog-walkers slipped under the door, an empty Kleenex box on the back of the toilet, stuffing it all into a huge, green plastic garbage sack.
Over the phone I can hear a TV in the background, something with a laugh track; just that and her breathing.
– What’re you doing?
– Watching the tube. What about you?
– Cleaning.
– Excuse me?
– Not with a mop or anything. Just picking up trash upstairs.
– Cleaning the fake apartment.
The channels flip in the background: a commercial, a music video, an infomercial; faster and faster, and then the TV is silent.
– You left me hanging, Joe.
– I know.
– Had a pretty bad fucking day.
– I know.
– And your response was to bail.
– I know.
– One thing about you.
– What’s that?
– When I really need you, you always come through. Makes it so I can take the other shit, you know?
I take a white grocery bag that hangs off the back of the bathroom door, serving as a wastebasket, and stuff it into the sack. It’s full of lipstick-smeared tissues and old tampon wrappers.
– Yeah, I know.
– If that’s not gonna be the case anymore, if it’s getting too stiff now, I need to know. You can’t take it the rest of the way, I need to know now. It’s OK. But I can’t be counting on you if you’re not going to be there.
I flip the lid down on the toilet and sit.
– I hear you, baby.
– Do you? Are you sure? I thought you did, but disappearing on me like you did last night, that made me wonder if you get it.
I feel my breast pocket for my smokes. I left them downstairs.
– I get it.
– Then you need to tell me, Joe. I need you to tell me what it’s gonna be. I’m sick, and, this, this is it, this is the way it’s going to be. It’s not going to get any better than this. It might not get really bad, but this is as easy as it will ever be. If you want to stick around, I need you to do some things. I need you to find out what your blood type is so I know if you can help me with that. I need you to back me up when I have a day like yesterday. I need you to. Oh shit, Joe. Just. I need you, you know? To be there.
She’s crying. She talks through the tears. It’s all very matter of fact. By now she has plenty of experience talking while she’s crying.
I listen to her blow her nose.
– I got to go somewhere for a couple days. Take care of. Something. I don’t know if I’ll be able to call. When I get back.
I feel for my smokes again. Still not in my pocket.
– When I get back, I’ll be there.
– Yeah?
– Yeah, baby. Don’t worry, I’m practically there already.
– OK.
– OK.
– And. Joe. A couple days, that’s Saturday night.
– Uh-huh.
– I’m taking the night off. I’m doing a reading. Reading some of my stuff at Housing Works. A benefit kind of thing.
– Uh-huh.
– You go with me?
– You know I will, babe.
– It’s important.
– I’ll be there.
– OK. Thanks, Joe.
We stay on the phone awhile longer. Until she’s not crying anymore.
Just before sundown I’m looking at the fridge. Two pints. This low, I shouldn’t even be thinking about drinking one of those after I had one yesterday. But I could get stuck Uptown. Could take them with me, just in case. Then again, drink one now, it’ll give me a little extra edge for the trip, give me an extra day maybe if I get stuck. That’s the ticket: drink one, leave one in the fridge. Last thing I want is to come home late and not have any food in the house. I pop the fridge, guzzle a pint and stuff the empty in the biohazard bag.
OK, good to go. Now, where to?
I need a name. I need a name and a ride. I can’t roll up there and just start walking the streets sniffing the air for the Vyrus. What am I gonna do, grab some slob from the Hood and start pummeling him until he gives me something I can use? Besides, just being white up there is gonna make me stand out. I need a name, someone to start with.
Christian might know someone up there. He doesn’t go much above Houston, but back before he got infected he used to ride the whole city. He could also give me a lift up there. But crossing Coalition turf on the sissy seat of his Harley with a dozen top-hatted, howling-mad Dusters on hogback isn’t the subtle play I’m looking for. When a renegade Clan of Vampyre bikers crosses onto your turf, you’re bound to notice. Scratch Christian.
Chubby Freeze might have a name. He’s also about the only brother I’m tight with. That could mean something when you’re talking about dealing in the Hood. But it’ll be someone on the fringe. Chubby’s porn business keeps him in touch with the kind of people who are in touch with my life. But he’s not of the world. Any names he gives me will be a couple steps removed from what I need. And he won’t be able to help me with transport. Chubby’s not in the know enough to see the dangers involved with getting from 14th to 110th.
There’s really only one name. I’m running circles around it, but there’s really only one guy who might be able to help me here. One guy who doesn’t have any skin in the game, who won’t be looking for a payday for giving me some information, who won’t be looking for ways to stick it in my back if he sees an angle. But he’ll sure as hell find a way to make me pay. And whatever he wants, I’ll have to come across with it.
So I stuff the final remains of my emergency fund in my pocket, tuck my switchblade into my boot and the.32 into my waistband, lock up tight, and head west to see Daniel.
– Simon.
– Daniel here?
– Naturally. Where else would he be?
– Can I talk to him?
– Certainly. I’m sure he’ll be happy to see you, Simon.
– Don’t call me that.
– You would prefer?
– Joe.
The bony Enclave runs his eyes over me.
– Joe. It doesn’t suit you.
– Just use it.
– Of course, Joe.
He gives me one of those oh-so-meaningful smiles these fucks are always giving and leads me inside. The door rolls closed behind us and we cross the warehouse’s concrete floor. My eyes adjust to the near pitch black and the Enclave emerge from the darkness. Two rows of about fifty emaciated sickly pale men and women in white sit on the floor facing one another. In front of each is a vessel of some sort; anything from a thimble to a cracked coffee cup to a pewter wine goblet. Two Enclave, one for each row, work their way down the lines pouring blood into the vessels. One of the servers carries a Pyrex measuring cup, the other an iced tea pitcher with a much-chipped smiling sun enameled on its side. The Enclave accept a tiny amount of the blood, some no more than a teaspoon, some as much as a quarter pint. Several hold up their hand, refusing any at all. Whatever they take, it’s all they’ll have for a week, maybe longer. Feeding time at the asylum.
These crazy fuckers, sitting here in the dark, fasting, meditating, and practicing their crazy martial arts. And Daniel, lord of the crazy fuckers, thinks I’m one of them. He says that’s my true nature. But this ain’t me. Depriving myself, throttling the Vyrus to the edge of starvation, that’s not my idea of fun. Even if I have been there. Even if I have stood at the very limit and felt what the Vyrus does to you, the jolt it sends through your system as it spurs you to feed before it dies. Even if I’ve felt it and know why they cultivate it, it’s not for me. You have to be a crazy fucker to try to live like that all the time. And that’s what they’re doing: trying to live like that all the time, searching for the perfect balance, letting the Vyrus consume them in the slowest increments possible, teasing death out in the hopes that one of them will defeat it, one of them will be annihilated but left whole at the same time. One of them converted by the Vyrus they believe to be a spiritual force, converted and made able to teach the others, able to lead them onto the streets, where they can convert everyone else. Or kill them, whichever seems best.