I was stunned. No, I was shocked, shattered. Completely. Nothing had ever hit me so hard. Not even when I discovered Andrea had been unfaithful to me all these years, or when I discovered my best friend was suspected of killing me. Even finding my own dead and mutilated body had not hit me in quite this way. Nothing that had gone before—in my whole life—had ever touched me like this. It wrenched the heart from me.
I sagged against the hall wall, broken, bent by the deepest despair I’d ever known. Next door, their conversation continued, but I was too numbed to take it in any more, my mind filling with images of my little Primrose, the one person in this world who gave me unconditional love, the light that countered all darkness, my daughter whom I loved above all others, above life itself. I sank to my knees and gave out a long moaning wail that no one could hear. If my tears had been a reality, they would have dampened the wall I rested my cheek against; if my strength had been real, I would have seriously harmed, if not killed, the man sitting beside my wife and speaking of the worst betrayal of all.
I don’t know how much time went by before their words began to register with me again, but eventually, they infiltrated the great fog of confusion and pain that had engulfed me.
Andrea was speaking. “Why do the police think you murdered Jim? Why you, Oliver?”
“Because I was the last person to see him alive. That person is usually the prime suspect in murder investigations especially when the police can cook up a motive. The Press certainly had a field day when I was taken in for questioning.”
“But why didn’t you tell the police?”
“What, that I came straight here after my argument with Jim at the hotel? That I was here making love to you?”
“That you were screwing me while my husband lay dead in a hotel room?”
“Making love, Andrea. Please don’t use that kind of language about what we have. And we were making love, the two of us, together. It’s always been mutual, hasn’t it?”
A brief silence followed before Oliver spoke again. “Besides, being here doesn’t mean I couldn’t have committed the crime beforehand, or I couldn’t have gone back to the hotel and killed him. I didn’t stay long, remember? You were worried Prim might wake up and find us both down here. Now I wish I had stayed, but the point is, I didn’t want to involve you in any scandal.”
“My husband was hacked to pieces and you were concerned about tarnishing my reputation?”
I heard a short humourless laugh from Andrea.
“Something like that,” said Oliver. “I don’t want to use you as an alibi either, especially as it might not help my case anyway. In fact, it might make it worse for me. I love you, Andrea. Surely you understand my reasons.”
The faint sound of weeping.
“And you love me.” It was a simple statement from Oliver. “You always have. You never stopped loving me, but you didn’t want to hurt Jim.”
“No, I didn’t want to hurt him, but I kept on seeing you.” She sounded bitter and cynical.
“Even when you married him nothing really changed between us.”
“I tried, I tried to forget about you. You were such a bastard to me and Jim was so caring.”
“I did my best to forget about us too, Andrea. I honestly wanted to stop loving you. Unfortunately, I couldn’t pretend for very long. I gave in to my true feelings. And eventually, so did you.”
“I couldn’t help myself. I missed you so much, despite your cruelty. I thought my love for you would fade in time, but it never did. I could only cope with my life by seeing you again. I should have been happy with Jim, and then Primrose, but it was never complete. Part of me was missing.”
“Then don’t let guilt spoil everything now.”
“Now that we’re both free? You honestly believe I can put my feelings to one side just because he’s gone? It isn’t possible. He was a good man, a loving husband and a wonderful father. He deserved more than that.”
“You have the right to be happy again, Andrea.” Ollie’s sincere client voice again.
“I would have been happy with Jim. I was happy with him.”
“But a moment ago you said something was missing from your life…”
“Because I still loved you? That was the missing ingredient I could have managed, Oliver. I’d have got by if only you’d kept away from me.”
“All those wonderful times we had together. You can’t ignore them, you can’t pretend they didn’t happen.”
“In hotel rooms, your car? In your flat? Sneaking around, telling lies. I despise them.”
“You gave yourself to me completely. You wanted me as much as I—”
“No!”
“—as much as I wanted you. We’re still in love with each other, don’t you see that?”
For a while there was no response. Then: “How can you be so callous? How can you say these things knowing my husband—your best friend—was brutally murdered only days ago?”
“Because I’m speaking honestly and you have to listen to me. Okay, we can give it a while, that’s probably for the best anyway. But I’m not going to let you get away from me again. We don’t have to live a lie anymore, we—me, you, Primrose—can become a real family.”
“I had a real family.”
“Please believe me, I don’t want to sound harsh. But you’ll have to face the truth some time. If I thought you didn’t want me, I’d get out of your life for good. But we both know how it really is, don’t we?”
Smooth-talking, convincing Oliver. How I detested the bastard.
There was some hesitation before Andrea said, “No. I do love you, Oliver, but you have to understand…”
“I do. Honestly, I do understand. I’m aware of how difficult it is for you. It’s the same for me, you know.”
“How could it be? You were only his so-called friend.”
“I still loved him.”
“You betrayed him!”
“We both did. And there’s nothing either of us can do to change that. Look, you need time to grieve, and I’m prepared to wait if that’s how it has to be. I won’t give up, though. I’ll be there for you whenever you need me. Is that okay with you? I’ll stay away for a while, but sooner or later—it really depends on you—I’ll come back.”
I heard more muffled weeping.
“You should go now,” Andrea said between sniffles. “You should go home.”
“I have to go to the agency.”
“This time of night?”
“Sydney’s working overnight to get the books ready for audit and examination. Blake & Turnbrow have the right to check them before the merger can progress.”
“You’re going through with it—the merger, the buyout?—even though Jim was against it?”
“It’s the right move.”
“Doesn’t it give you another motive for murder? The police are aware that Jim was fighting it.”
“I’m prepared to risk that. My idea has always been to build up a small but lucrative agency, gain some blue-chip or at least prestigious accounts, then sell for a large amount and perhaps get out of the business altogether. Big agencies have always liked swallowing up the smaller fry, especially if their creativity is exceptional, as ours is.”
“Was. You’ve lost Jim.”
“I always had the best ideas. Jim was just the art man.”
In the hall, I couldn’t feel any more devastated than I already felt, but a seething anger was pushing its way through once again.
Andrea came back at him. “You know that’s not true. You were a team—Jim always came up with wonderful campaign ideas.”
“Okay, we both know that, but Blake & Turnbrow don’t. Sydney and I have had numerous meetings with their people that Jim knew nothing about, and others, that pressure of work prevented him from joining. The art director is always the last in the chain as far as preparing for presentations is concerned. I think the other agency assumes I’m the driving force behind our creativity.”