PART II: LILLIE
“A little more than kin, and less than kind.”
CHAPTER 7
Uncle Keith didn’t understand. He never had, much as he loved her. No one had ever understood her, and Lillie had grown used to that, but still her heart beat faster as she crept along the corridor of the dormitory at Quantico. But the pribir would be different.
“Tess?” she whispered in Theresa’s doorway, although there was no need to whisper, “Are you with us or not?”
Theresa materialized from the bed. Her face, surrounded by wild masses of black hair, looked scared. “I… I still don’t know.”
“You have to decide,” Lillie said relentlessly. Then, because she knew how scared Theresa was, she added in a softer tone, “You don’t have to come, you know. It’s all right to stay. The pribir might need people here, too.”
Theresa gave a strangled little laugh. “I’m afraid to stay here, too.”
“Well, you have to do one or the other.”
“I’ll… I’ll come.”
She grabbed Lillie’s hand. Theresa’s was icy. Lillie squeezed her friend’s fingers reassuringly. “Get dressed. Something warm.”
“Wait for me! Don’t go ahead!”
Lillie waited while Theresa pulled on jeans, running shoes, and a Land’s End sweater. She threw more clothes, all her make-up, and a plush stuffed turtle into her pillowcase. “Okay, I’m ready.”
The two girls slipped down the hallway. In the lounge downstairs most of the others waited. The ones who were going carried suitcases or pillowcases of belongings. The ones who were staying still wore nightclothes.
In the lobby a Marine lay stretched out on the floor, deeply asleep.
“It’s like fucking Sleeping Beauty,” Jessica Kameny snickered. She was the only one of the girls who had taken time to put on make-up.
Jon Rosinski said, “So how many are going? Stand over here.”
Twenty kids moved toward Jon, fourteen girls and six boys. Some, Lillie knew, had only decided in the last fifteen minutes, even though they’d all smelled the plan last evening. She scanned the leavers. Mike Franzi, good, you could always count on Mike. Tess, Amy, Sajelle, Rebecca, Bonnie… Elizabeth? That could be real trouble. Jason, Susan, the obnoxious Jessica, too bad she didn’t stay down here. Madison, Emily, Sam, that was another one she could do without. Hannah, Rafe, Alex, Derek, Sophie, Julie… Julie? A major surprise. And Jon, their not-unchallenged organizer, although Lillie wasn’t too bad at organization herself.
The kids looked at each other.
Theresa said suddenly to Robin, who was staying, “Tell my dad I said I love him, okay?” Robin nodded. “Let’s go,” Jon said.
The twenty-one walked out of the dorm. Another Marine lay asleep outside. The night was warm, but of course they didn’t know what weather might come next. Weather? Wrong word.
Theresa groped for Lillie’s hand and held on tight.
“Well, now what, genius?” Jessica said to Jon. She spoke very loud, as if to challenge the sleep infecting everyone for… how many square miles? Lillie didn’t know.
“Lay off, Jessie,” Bonnie told her. Lillie approved. Jon didn’t know what was going to happen, any more than anybody else. The pribir had smelled to them clear pictures of where to wait, but nothing after that.
Jon led them to the empty grassy area. Lillie didn’t know what it was for; she’d never been on a Marine base before. A flagpole, now with no flag, they must take it down at night, stood at one end. The pribir had smelled to go to a big open area. They would see the kids if they did. That didn’t surprise Lillie; she had learned at school that even humans had space satellites that could read license plates. And these were the pribir.
A long slow tightening started in her belly. She wasn’t afraid, exactly. But this was the biggest thing that had ever happened to her. Or anybody! She clutched her red suitcase.
Half an hour passed and nothing happened. Everyone sat down on the grass. People talked in low voices, but not very much. Even Jessica and Sam weren’t harassing anybody. Elizabeth had her rosary out and was saying her beads, but nobody jeered at her. Elizabeth’s glasses, thick as pottery, glinted in the moonlight.
A light appeared in the sky. Grew brighter.
As one everybody stood up, even though there was no smell. Somebody whimpered… Julie, probably. Julie was afraid of everything. Well, everybody was afraid, why not? But Lillie knew no one would change their mind.
Uncle Keith, plus half the doctors, said that the kids were so accepting of the pribir only because of the chemical cascade in their brains triggered by their extra genes. Lillie knew that wasn’t so. She didn’t know why the others were going with the pribir—probably each person had their own reasons—but she knew why she was. And it wasn’t some chemical in her brain.
The light grew into a ship, soundless and not very big.
Lillie had always felt different. Nobody understood that, not even Uncle Keith. They all thought she was a normal girl, interested in movies and her friends and her grades and her clothes. And she was. But underneath, all the time and for as long as she could remember, was this other longing. She thought about things, like death and God and the pointlessness of people being born and living their lives and then dying, over and over through generations, without it meaning anything or going anywhere. What was the point of being alive?
She couldn’t accept the religious answers her mother had liked, a different one every week: Catholicism, Buddhism, Wiccans, evangelicals, whatever. In school they learned about evolution, but what good was evolution in giving life any meaning? None. And it was meaning she longed for. Sometimes the longing felt so sharp she couldn’t breathe.
She knew from books that she wasn’t the first person to feel like that. Over and over she read her favorites: Of Human Bondage, Steppenwolfe, Time Must Have a Stop. But Lillie didn’t know Somerset Maugham or Hermann Hesse or Aldous Huxley, and none of the people she did know seemed to have this same longing. Certainly not Uncle Keith or her old best friend Jenny, or Theresa, with whom she’d once tried to discuss all this. A mistake. Tess had only talked about babies being life continuing and how that was enough meaning. Lillie wasn’t much interested in babies. She wanted more than that.
But nobody else seemed to want—no, need—the universe to make sense. Why was that so weird? Why didn’t everybody see how important it was? Such as, only the foundation for how you lived your whole life!
The ship floated to the ground, soft as a feather. It was dull metal now, shaped like an egg and as big as a bus, which is what it probably was.
The pribir, Lillie figured, were her last chance.
A part of the egg’s side slid up. Jon took a step forward, hesitated, stepped back. Julie hid her face in her hands. Elizabeth’s prayers were suddenly audible: “Holy Mary, Mother of God, blessed art thou amongst women—”
Lillie seized Theresa with one hand and Julie with the other. Violently Theresa pulled away.
“I can’t!”
“Come on, Tessie, it’s just a few steps more.”
“No!” And Theresa turned and ran back to the dorm.
Lillie led Julie firmly toward the bus.
Sixty seats, jammed in worse than a Broadway balcony. Well, that made sense. The pribir didn’t know how many would be coming. They only had what Major Connington described as “one-way information flow.”