“Good night, Mike.”
She walked back to her room, feeling curiously empty.
Inside, she locked the door, undressed, and lay on the bed. Twenty minutes after blinking, the lights went out for the night, leaving only a faint glow around the doorway and in the corridor leading to the bathrooms.
Lillie stared at that glow, unable to sleep. She heard doors opening, closing again. It was a long time before she could drift off, and her dreams were troubled and strange.
At breakfast the next morning, Sam and Jessica sat very close together and groped each other under the table. “Get a room,” Madison muttered. Lillie looked away from Jessie and Sam. It was obvious they’d spent the night together and wanted everybody to know it.
Lillie went back to sitting in class with Emily, Sajelle, and Madison. None of them mentioned it; they just sat together. Lillie felt relieved. Still, she couldn’t stop glancing over at the table Mike shared with Derek, Sophie, and Amy. Why was Mike talking so much to Sophie? Sophie had never struck Lillie as that interesting.
Madison said casually, “A few people were talking about another dance tonight.”
“I heard that, too,” Emily said, too quickly. “Actually, I thought I might put on a dress. I brought one. I just haven’t worn it yet.”
Lillie hadn’t brought any dresses. Suddenly she wanted one. No, she didn’t… at home she almost never wore dresses. What was the matter with her?
She’d wear her pale blue top. It was the prettiest one she had. And the locket with the pictures of Mom and Uncle Keith, it was really pretty, she’d put it someplace in her footlocker…
Uncle Keith. For a minute she saw his face clearly, as shocking as if he’d materialized in front of her. She had to go home, Uncle Keith must miss her so much, he had nobody else… She’d always been aware of how much she meant to him…
“Lillie, still want to borrow some eyeliner?” Madison said to her, and Uncle Keith’s face vanished.
The pale blue top clung to Lillie’s body. Maybe it was a bit small, she might have grown some there… She left it on anyway. With the locket around her neck, her hair freshly washed, and Madison’s eyeliner and lipstick, she decided she looked nice.
All the girls came to the garden later tonight, having taken time to braid or puff hair, trade clothes, borrow jewelry. The boys waited impatiently, not even playing basketball. Tonight they’d agreed on Jason’s handheld for the music instead of Hannah’s cube. The sound quality on the handheld was worse, but it had more slow songs.
Mike didn’t say anything about Lillie’s appearance, but that was all right. He didn’t have to. She saw it in his eyes.
There wasn’t as much switching partners tonight as last night. That caused trouble.
Lillie danced with Mike. Sam and Jessica were dancing so close and moving their pelvises against each other so suggestively that Lillie looked away. Emily danced with Rafe, Sajelle with Alex, Madison with Jon, Hannah with Derek. Only Jason kept changing partners. Unless he was dancing with one of them, the other girls danced with each other.
Elizabeth wasn’t at the dance. Well, no surprise there, Lillie thought. But what did Elizabeth do with her evenings?
Bonnie asked Julie to dance. Julie refused. Bonnie then danced with Amy. Lillie wasn’t paying any attention to them, lost in dancing with Mike, until Amy shouted, “Get away, you lezzie!”
Everyone stopped moving.
Amy, her face red with embarrassment or anger or both, had shoved Bonnie hard enough that Bonnie fell back against a table. She scrambled up, and tears filled her eyes. For a moment she stood uncertainly, then she made a strangled sound and started to rush away.
Mike squeezed Lillie’s hand and let her go. His arm snaked out and caught Bonnie’s shoulder. “Bonnie, don’t go. Dance with me.”
Bonnie stopped, uncertain. Jessica snickered, “You haven’t got what she wants, Mike.”
Mike ignored Jessica. “Come on, Bonnie, we’ve always been friends. Dance with me.”
Bonnie smiled painfully, then moved toward Mike, keeping several inches between their bodies. They danced. Mike winked at Lillie over Bonnie’s shoulder.
“Deserted for a lezzie, Lillie?” Jessica said. Lillie ignored her. She liked what Mike had done. It was kind. Maybe Lillie… could she…
She did. When Mike’s dance with Bonnie was finished, Lillie danced with Bonnie, keeping a good distance away, not looking at the glances of everyone around her. Bonnie was a nice person, even if she was a… Why would she want to, with a girl? Well, to each her own. But Bonnie should be included in the group, should feel okay about being here.
She danced the rest of the night with Mike and didn’t notice what anybody else was doing. Or care.
He walked her to her door, and kissed her, and said, “Can I come in?”
Sajelle had already disappeared into Alex’s room. And, Lillie suspected, Jason wasn’t alone either, although she didn’t know who he was with. Maybe Sophie, maybe Rebecca. Or Amy.
“No, no,” she said to Mike.
“Lillie, please… just for a little while…”
“No. No, please. I don’t want to.”
For a second he looked annoyed, but then he sighed. “All right. For now. I guess you’re worth waiting for.”
He left abruptly. Lillie, shaking, closed her door. She wanted him to come in, but what if he hadn’t been willing to stop when she said?
What if he decided to dance and kiss with somebody else? It was a long time before she fell asleep.
CHAPTER 10
Hannah was having sex with Derek. So were Alex and Sajelle, Emily and Rafe, and of course Sam and Jessica. Jason was having sex with anyone who would agree, but since nobody would admit it, Lillie wasn’t sure who that included. The girls who weren’t paired off were embarrassed to admit they were sharing Jason. Still, Lillie knew, Rebecca and Sophie were at least spending time alone with him, whether or not they had actual intercourse. Sophie was defiant about this, Rebecca sheepish.
“I don’t seem to be able to help myself,” Rebecca admitted, looking troubled. But not, Lillie thought, troubled very much. Whatever she and Jason were doing, clearly Rebecca liked it.
That left Madison and Lillie.
“Are you going to?” Madison said.
“I don’t know,” Lillie said. “I want to. But…”
“But we’re only fourteen.”
Fourteen? Lillie considered. Her birthday was on March 6. Could it be March already? Maybe. It didn’t seem important.
Madison continued, looking down at her folded hands. “Still… I asked Pam about birth control.”
“You did?” Madison was gutsy. Or cautious. Or both. “Did anybody else?”
“I don’t know. Not the boys, I’ll bet! Anyway, Pam gave me a pill, and she said it would protect me for up to six months. It works with genes… what else? She gave me enough for all the girls, and so I passed them out to everybody. Except Elizabeth, of course. You’re the last one.”
Lillie, immensely curious, said, “Did everybody take them?”
“Yes! Although half of them gave me bullshit about not needing them but if it was a free gift why not blah blah blah. Anyway, here’s yours.”
Madison passed Lillie a piece of toilet paper. Unfolding it, Lillie found a round green pill. She stared at it, wondering if she was going to use it.
Madison said, “Is Mike pushing you?”
“Yes. No. He doesn’t push, he’s too nice, but he wants it so bad it’s almost like pushing.”
“Jon, too. What have you done so far? How much?”
Lillie didn’t want to tell Madison that she and Mike had only kissed. She waved her hand vaguely. “Oh, you know.”