I made one heartbreaking attempt to open my eyes and speak, but I was crushed again. The pain was just too much. The pounding in my head became so loud it was deafening. I couldn’t hear or feel anything else. Jamie’s voice, the light and the feeling of the hospital sheets on my skin, were all gone. I went to the void, where everything was black and warm and painless.
I wasn’t sure how many days, months, or years had gone by before I was able to sense my surroundings again, but when I did I could hear Dylan, Ashley, Jerry, and Beth talking to one another. They were talking about me as if I weren’t there—nothing bad, just a general conversation about my apartment and things that needed to be taken care of. On my health insurance form I had named Jerry as my next of kin and said he was a relative.
“Did you see that? She moved her hand,” Dylan said excitedly. “Kate, can you hear me?” I squeezed his hand and tried to open my eyes. The pain was searing. I blinked several times before finally focusing. Dylan was holding my hand in both of his, and Jerry was leaning over me with eyes as big as sand dollars. “Hey, kid.”
I swallowed and tried to clear my throat. “Hurts,” I said. My voice didn’t sound like my own. It was raspy and strained.
“Get the nurse!” Beth shouted to Ashley, who turned immediately and went running out the door.
“Just close your eyes and rest and get better. Jamie will be back in a few minutes.” Dylan smiled warmly at me. He looked relieved. And then I faded away again. I don’t know for how long, but when I came to, Jamie was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room. Susan was also there, sitting in a chair opposite him. Everyone else was gone. He was leaning over and his elbows were propped on his knees. He was wearing a T-shirt and flannel shirt with dark jeans and tennis shoes, the way I had remembered him so well from the winery. It was just Jamie, not R.J.—just my sweet Jamie. The scruff on his face was at least five days old, and his hair was slicked back from his face. His head was down, braced by his two hands. He was looking at the floor but talking to Susan.
Two instant but conflicting feelings washed over me as I absorbed Jamie sitting in my hospital room. One was that our souls were connected so deeply that I could sense his presence before I knew for sure that he was there. Merely being in the same room with him made me feel more complete. One brief glimpse of him was enough to warm my blood and increase my heart rate. The other feeling was that we barely knew each other. The concept of “us” was so new. I still had that tingling feeling of excitement, like I hadn’t yet explored all of him. My head throbbed with the beat of twenty thousand drums, but somehow Jamie’s presence alone dulled the roar and made getting better my number one goal.
I watched for a few seconds in sympathy. He was shattered. It was hard to hear every word of their conversation, but I picked up enough.
“I’m cursed,” he said softly. “And I’ve cursed everyone who loves me.”
“That’s not true,” Susan said.
“I’ve done this to her.” He looked up and ran his hand through his hair. “She wouldn’t let go of the necklace I gave her. Did you know that? I’m telling you, it’s because of me that she’s lying there, broken.”
“I’m not broken,” I whispered. He stood instantly and was at my side in two strides.
“Baby, don’t move. Don’t strain yourself.” He leaned over and kissed my forehead. “Get the nurse,” he told Susan.
“I think I’m okay.”
“God, I’m so relieved to see those brown eyes. You are so lucky to be alive.”
“Come here.” I opened my arms. He bent over and gently nuzzled his face in my neck. “How did I get here?”
His head jerked back. “You don’t remember?”
“No.”
The nurse walked in behind Susan. Both came over to the other side of my bed. “You okay, honey?” the nurse asked. She checked my vitals and then propped my bed up so I could sit.
“My head still hurts a bit.”
“That’s to be expected, but you’re doing remarkably well. I’ll let the doctor know you’re up,” she said and then walked out.
Susan smiled down at me. “I’m glad you’re back with us, Kate. I wanted to say sorry about all the confusion at the winery. I wasn’t completely informed and I didn’t want to interfere.”
“It was my fault, I didn’t tell Susan what was going on,” Jamie interrupted.
“Well, I didn’t help matters. I knew something big was happening between you two, but I’m used to protecting Jamie’s privacy.”
“It’s water under the bridge,” I said sincerely.
“I hope so. I’ll let you two have some alone time.”
“Thank you.” We squeezed each other’s hands and then she left.
“Jamie, tell me what happened.” He scooted a chair right next to my bed and sat down, holding my hand in his.
“You were attacked by a man on the subway. He hit you with his gun repeatedly, and the attack caused some swelling in your brain. But you’re going to be okay, the swelling is going down on its own.”
I remembered little bits and pieces about what happened, but it was hard to put it all together. “I must have a really hard head.” I smiled.
One side of his mouth turned up. “Yes, I’m sure of it, and thank God for that hard head of yours. I think you’re going to be fine.”
“I should have worn a scarf that night.” I reached up and ran my fingers down his rough jawline. He grinned into my hand.
“Why didn’t you let him take the necklace?”
“I can’t remember what I was thinking. But wait, how did you know it was over the necklace?”
“Because they found you clutching it, and the transit system has video footage of the assault.” I felt my bare neck and started to panic. “They took it off when you came in. Beth has it, along with the rest of your stuff. It’s safe, angel, but no material object is worth this. That necklace could have been replaced. You can’t be.”
I started getting choked up. “Jamie, I’m sorry.” Tears began streaming from my eyes. My head was pounding again. I moved my hair away from my face and felt the bandage on the side of my head.
“Please don’t cry. I wasn’t mad, I was just scared. I thought I was gonna lose you.”
“I know.” I sniffled. He reached his hands down and wiped the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. I felt for the bandage at the back of my head.
“They had to shave a little of your hair to put the staples in.”
“Staples? Oh my god, I must look like Frankenstein.” I breathed into my hand. “Oh, and my breath is terrible. I feel like I have little sweaters on my teeth, they’re so fuzzy. Can you get me some mouthwash?”
He laughed and went into the little bathroom and came back holding mouthwash and a cup out to me. “You can barely see the staples. Your hair covers that spot. And you don’t look like Frankenstein at all. You’re beautiful, and you will always be beautiful.” I smiled with cheeks full of mouthwash. Are you feeling better?”
I spit the mouthwash into a little cup Jamie held out for me. “Yes. Where was I going on the L that night?”
“You were going home. You were only one stop away when it happened.”
“Going home from where?”
“You’d met Jerry and Beth at a bar. They said you quit the Crier because of the note I sent you.”
“Note?”
“I asked you to marry me. Do you remember that?” At that point he was sitting on the chair next to the bed, staring up at me. He looked boyish for once.