Although he tried very hard to hide it, Jamie was emotional. I couldn’t take what I had for granted knowing Jamie had lost most of his family. “Does it still hurt?” I asked.
“There used to be this hole, this void that I thought could never be filled, but it’s healing and filling up . . . ever since I met you.”
“And now you have all this, too.” I gestured toward the cars and smiled.
Meeting my new family was a blur of faces and names. My new siblings and stepmother were more than welcoming. I got to hold my baby nephew and hear my youngest sister, Skylar, play the piano beautifully. Jamie fit right in to the warmth. I stole glances at him often while we were at my father’s, and he always returned them with a smile.
On our way back into the city, we talked about our plan. “I feel like I don’t want to leave now, but I know you need to be in Napa.”
“We don’t have to choose, Kate. We can live in both places. That’s the beauty of being a writer.”
“What about you?”
“I’ve always been all over the place. I like it that way.”
“Really?”
“Yes, of course. Do you want to keep your apartment?”
“I don’t care about my apartment. I just want to be able to come here once in a while.”
“I think we can arrange that.”
Page 18
Segue
In the week following Christmas, I spent most of my time packing and writing while Jamie made travel plans for us to go back to Napa after New Year’s. We decided that we’d have our wedding at the winery in the spring, barring any unforeseen circumstances. Jamie said there would be no unforeseen anything, and that I needed to stop believing things were too good to be true. He spent a lot of time reassuring me that everything would be okay.
Late in the week one morning, I heard him tinkering in the kitchen.
“What are you doing?” He was dressed, ready, and waiting for me to get up.
He set a chocolate croissant and a latte from Starbucks in front of me. “Morning, baby. I was so excited, I couldn’t sleep.”
I sat down at the table surrounded by boxes. “Excited about what?”
“I can’t tell you.” He was amped. “I just have to show you, but we can’t go until nine.”
I bit into the pastry. “Aren’t those the best?” he said.
“Did you eat one?”
“Yeah.” By that point he was at the counter checking his blood sugar with the meter. “Holy shit,” he said and then reached for his insulin pen. He gave himself a shot and then sat down next to me at the table. He still seemed a little hyper, but then I brought him down as soon as I opened my mouth.
“Are you worried that your children will get it?”
“Our children?”
“Yes.”
“Are you worried, Kate?”
“You’re the one living with it. Should I be worried?”
“If, God forbid, one of our children gets it, then I would be able to help them learn to live a pretty normal life. Despite the fact that neither one of my parents had it, they were still able to help me live the healthiest possible lifestyle. But, if that scares you too much, then we can adopt. I think we should anyway. I want a big family.”
“I think I do, too, and I won’t be scared if you’re not. I trust you.”
“Okay.” He leaned over and kissed my nose. “Now what’s the plan for tonight?”
“I told Dylan and Ashley if you were up for it that we’d meet them on the roof at midnight and drink champagne and bang pots and pans or whatever.”
“Sounds perfect.”
After I showered and got ready, we grabbed a cab and headed into the upscale Gold Coast neighborhood. We stopped in front of a building that I’m pretty sure was owned by Oprah. Jamie led me through the lobby toward the elevator. He inserted a key and pressed the button for the penthouse. We entered a vacant foyer and walked down a hall until we were standing in a large loft-style room with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Lake Michigan. The floors were a warm and inviting hardwood. Even though the space was empty, something about it felt like home. Maybe it was that I could see so much of my beloved city, or maybe it was because I was standing there with Jamie.
“So you want to buy this place?”
“Want to buy?”
“Yeah.”
“No.”
“What, then?”
He just stared at me with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. He shrugged and then rocked back a few times on his heels.
I squinted, scowling at him. “You! You already bought it?”
“Bingo.” He smirked, and oh, that goddamned dimple.
“For me?” I shrieked.
“Uh-huh. Well, for us, silly girl.”
“Oh my god, how much did this cost?”
His lips flattened. “Not very much, and anyway, I need the write-off.”
“Not very much by whose standard?”
“Katy, stop, seriously. There’s an amazing loft that will be the perfect place for you to read and write. Come see.” I followed him through an insanely clean and ultramodern gourmet kitchen to an open staircase and loft lined with bookshelves. There was a large window in the loft with the same gorgeous view looking out onto the lake. I was mesmerized; I couldn’t take my eyes off the water. The white outline from the snow and ice piled on the shore reflected so brightly, I had to squint. It was uncharacteristically sunny for that time of year. I imagined the snow melting and breaking away into the glimmering, still water.
“It’s beautiful.” I turned to see him watching me.
“It is now,” he said.
I smiled all the way to my ears. “Should we christen it?”
He stalked over to me, braced my neck, kissed me thoroughly, and then murmured, “Katy, you dirty girl,” right into my ear.
I grabbed his butt. “Well?”
He pulled back and took a loud, deep breath. “I’m sorry, baby. I need to eat. I’m feeling a little weak.” Jamie never complained about his diabetes, and because of that I wasn’t that aware of its impact on our lives. He was determined not to use an insulin pump, so I knew he was cautious. Exerting himself would make his blood sugar even lower.
I ran my fingers through the hair at the back of his neck and gazed into his eyes. He held me around the waist. I cocked my head to the side and stared dreamily at him.
“What?” he asked.
“I have a Balance bar in my purse. Do you want it?” He smiled kindly and nodded. “I love you, Jamie. Thank you for this. It’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”
“I love you, too.”
We started moving very gradually in a circle, still embracing each other, slow dancing to the sound of our beating hearts.
Remember playing hide-and-seek as a kid? You would run full speed away from the one who was “it.” Every time you played, you thought you’d found the best hiding place. You would sit, shaking with anticipation because even though the object of the game was the opposite, all you really wanted was to be found. You wanted to be found by the one who was “it.” For months, I had been hiding. I had run so far and hidden so well, I thought no one would find me, but then he did.
I had been only half awake until Jamie came into my life. I know now that it’s true, what they say: love cannot be taken out of you because it changes you. I woke up when I met Jamie. The world became louder, crazier, more exciting, and more achingly beautiful.
“Do you think it will always be like this?”
“I think there will be times when we’ll have to work at it.” He paused. “I’m willing to do that until the day I die if it means I get to hold you like this.”
• • •
On our way back to my apartment, I gave Jamie a good laugh when he asked if I was going to give him the New Year’s Eve kiss he’d always wanted.