“Well to me, he was always my boss, and the limited interactions I’d had with him outside of the workplace, you were always there. So come to think of it, I’d never really had too many real conversations with him that went beyond surface level niceties.”
“How did you know I loved him then?” I thought back to my first conversation with Anna after my coma when she had described how amazing my relationship had been with Connor.
“Hmmm. Well, I guess because you guys were always together. For lack of a better word, you were both workaholics. When I first met you, I knew you were still struggling with the loss of your mom, so outside of your long hours at work, you’d always wanted to go out and party. You didn’t seem to want to be alone. But when you started dating Connor, you seemed to eat, live, and breathe Brady Global, Inc. Besides the occasional times we met up and went out, all your time seemed to be spent with Connor or on work—and usually those two together.”
“So you’re saying, you thought I was happy and in love because I had devoted all my time into Connor and his company?”
“Well…if you put it that way, it doesn’t sound like a great relationship after all.” She paused before adding. “But you did seem happy. Sometimes I wondered if you felt lost after losing your mom, and Connor gave you purpose. His dedication to his company became your own, and in some way, it seemed to be what you needed at the time.”
I thought about Anna’s words and felt confused again. I had been the one that had changed since my coma. The one thing that had bonded me and Connor was no longer there. I had no desire to work as much as Connor did. I wanted to live my life and explore the world around me.
“What do you think I should do, Anna?”
“Well, that depends on how you feel now. Tell me how you feel about Connor and Ethan. What does your gut tell you?”
“Well, I still think Connor is caring, patient, and generous. But his biggest flaw is his devotion to his company. In the last week or so, I’ve realized that with Connor, I feel like I will always be second best to his company. Anytime he needed to choose between me and Brady Global, I’d always been the loser.”
“And with Ethan?”
“It’s completely different when I’m with Ethan. I feel like when he’s there with me, he’s really there with me, and present at that moment. The way he looks at me makes me feel like I’m the only thing that matters. But I also haven’t known Ethan for that long. What if what we have is just an infatuation that will die out after a few months?”
“Liv, I think you already know your answer. Just follow your heart. It will never lead you astray. Connor and Ethan sound like they’re completely different guys. Even though you had a great rewarding relationship with Connor, and in some ways, that feels comfortable to you, don’t miss out on the rare chance of having a real, can’t-live-without-each-other love because you’re scared of it and it feels less certain and secure.”
I mulled over Anna’s advice and realized she was right. Life wasn’t about playing it safe. It was about following one’s heart. And my heart was telling me that I had to end things with Connor.
CHAPTE R TEN
Even though it had only been a day since my birthday, I’d felt as if my whole world had changed within the last twenty-four hours.
Connor had called me late morning to tell me that he would be home around eight o’clock in the evening. Our conversation was short and strained. After I had lied to him about spending my birthday with Anna, I made an excuse so I could quickly end the call. I felt awful lying to him, but I also didn’t want to tell him anything else over the phone. I knew the right thing to do was to tell him in person. He deserved at least that.
A little after seven, I sent Ethan a text.
Me: Hi. He’ll be back in an hour. I’m going to tell him it’s over.
Ethan: What are you going to tell him? Are you going to mention me?
Me: No, I won’t. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I have to.
Ethan: Okay, that makes sense. Do you want me to stop by? I can wait outside if you need a ride.
Me: Thanks, but I’m okay. I don’t want to run the risk of him seeing you. Besides, I’ll be staying with Anna.
Ethan: Let me know if you need me. I’ll be here waiting…with plenty of eggs. ;)
Me: Okay I will, weirdo. LOL. :)
***
As I heard the front door open, I knew it could only be Connor. I had excused Bill and Debra for the rest of the night, and asked them to not be around the house for the rest of the evening. I knew that Connor would be devastated and I didn’t want his employees to be around to see him at his most vulnerable.
“Honey?” I heard his voice from downstairs.
“I’m up here in the reading room,” I yelled.
A feeling of dread washed over me as I heard his footsteps coming up the spiral staircase. I took a few deep breaths to try to slow down the violent beating of my heart against my chest. I closed my eyes and mentally ran through the things I wanted to say to him.
“Hey, gorgeous.” Connor walked into the room, still in his business suit.
I forced a small smile and stood up from the lounger. “Hi.”
“Happy birthday, baby. I’m so sorry I couldn’t get back yesterday.” He flashed me an apologetic smile and handed me a small red Cartier shopping bag. “Open it. I think you’ll like it.”
I stared at the shopping bag and didn’t move forward to take it from him.
As if he didn’t notice my lack of movement, he smiled and reached inside the small bag. “It’s the Cartier watch you’d been eyeing for awhile.” He pulled out a square red box and opened it to show me the stunning gold watch inside.
“Connor, you shouldn’t have.” I frowned, realizing this was going to be more difficult than I had anticipated.
He sighed. “I know you’re probably still upset with me.” His voice was sweet and smooth. He walked over to me and pulled me in for a hug. My body was limp against his embrace and I didn’t hug him back.
“Connor…” I began. Then when he leaned down and tried to kiss me, I placed both hands against his chest to stop him, and took a step back. “Connor,” I said with more forcefulness than before. “We need to talk.” My voice was calm and serious.
“What is it, baby?”
I met his troubled gaze and felt a pang of guilt shoot through me. “Can we sit down and talk?” I motioned to the large couch in the room.
“Is something wrong? Please don’t be mad about yesterday. I really didn’t have a choice. This is a multi-billion dollar deal, and if all goes well, it’s going to take Brady Global to the next level.”
I shook my head slowly. “No, I’m not mad at you.” I looked at him and felt my face grow hot with anxiety. “Connor, first I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me, especially during the last two months after my accident. I know I will never be able to repay you for all your care, patience, and love you’ve shown me.”
He reached for my hand, and I knew he could feel how cold they were against his. “What’s this all about, Liv?”
I forced myself to look him straight in the eyes. “Connor, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I think I’ve changed since my accident. I’m not the woman you fell in love with. I’m not the woman that was once completely devoted to Brady Global and had gladly worked long hours along side of you for the company.” A few tears fell down my cheeks and I quickly brushed them aside. “I don’t know where that person is, and I don’t know if she’ll ever return. But…” I gazed intently into his eyes, hoping he can see how difficult this was for me. “But I don’t think we should get married.”
“I don’t understand.” His voice came out with a rushed urgency as he searched my face for an explanation. “So you want to cancel our engagement? Baby, I understand you need more time to adjust. We can just have a long engagement. We don’t need to cancel it just so that we can date and get engaged again at a later date when you’re ready.”