He grabbed my hand against my resistance and pulled it close to his chest. “Liv, the feelings we have for each other, the feelings I have for you. They are real.”
Just then, I saw Anna’s car pull up to the house to pick me up.
I pulled my hand away and took one last look at Ethan.
“It doesn’t matter, Ethan. I can never trust you after this.”
On the verge of tears, I turned away and ran as fast as I could toward Anna’s car. I felt completely empty inside. How did everything change so quickly? I had been so happy yesterday with Ethan. I had thought we had something special. But I was wrong. It was all a lie. Everything about my life since I woke up two months ago had been a lie.
CHAPTER T WELVE
Three Weeks Later
I jumped when my phone rang. Anxiety prickled against my skin as I reached for it to see who it was. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw Anna’s name appear on the caller ID.
“Hey, Anna.”
“Hi, roomie! How’s it going?” Her always-chipper voice caused me to smile.
“Not bad. I’m glad that it’s you that called.”
“Oh, are you still avoiding his calls?”
I didn’t need to ask her to know exactly who she was talking about. Ethan.
“Yeah. He won’t leave me alone. It might be time to file a restraining order or something.”
“Hmm. Maybe you should talk to him, Liv. Let him explain to you what happened.”
“But I know what happened. Connor told me he hired Ethan to get to know me. Ethan didn’t deny it at all. We met under false pretenses, and he used me and played with my emotions just like Connor had. How can I trust that anything he says is true?”
“You’re right, sweetie. That’s hard.”
“So what’s going on?” I asked, changing the subject.
“I was calling to see if you were home right now. I was going to swing in to drop some stuff off.”
There was something in her voice that gave me pause. “Yeah, I’m home. Is anything wrong?”
“Nothing.” There was a pause. “I just have to give you something.”
“To give me? Hmm. I don’t like the sound of this.” I’d been slowly getting my memories back as the weeks passed. Many were memories from the last couple of years, many of which included Anna. So I now knew her well enough to know when she was keeping something from me.
“Sheesh, don’t be such a pessimist! So I’ll come home in a few minutes.”
“Okay, fine.”
“Awesome. See yah.”
“Bye.”
In the last few weeks since Connor’s death, I had a lot of time to reflect on everything that’d happened. I was also remembering many of the memories I’d had with Connor, and the more I remembered, the more I realized how far from perfect our relationship had been. Even if I was able to overlook what he’d done the night of our engagement and was able to put that aside, there had been so many red flags that our relationship didn’t work. Yet, I heeded none of them.
Anna walked into our apartment with a sheepish smile on her face.
“What’s going on?” I looked at her suspiciously.
“Don’t be upset, okay?”
“Anna?”
Anna grinned and handed me a box. “Ethan stopped by my office today, and wanted me to give you this.”
“He did what?” I looked at her in outrage.
“Well you weren’t picking up his calls or answering his text messages. He didn’t know what to do. He said he wanted to explain everything to you, so if you weren’t willing to meet him to listen to him, he was going to show you.”
I eyed the box nervously. “What’s inside?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know.”
I studied the simple white box and frowned. “I don’t know if I want to look inside. I don’t know if I can handle anymore lies at this point.”
Anna looked at me sympathetically. “Liv, I know you may not want to hear this, but I think you should at least hear what he has to say before writing him off completely.”
“But…”
“If what he told you was true, and he was no longer working for Connor after that day you met him outside the museum, then that means the other times after that had nothing to do with Connor?”
“It just doesn’t make sense.”
“Liv, when you lost Scooter out in the rain, he was the one that was out there looking for him with you in the rain. You told me that he was different that night. He wasn’t forceful, and he didn’t try to come on to you. He was just there because he cared. When Connor, your then-fiancé stood you up on your birthday and you were alone, he was there by your side and made sure you had an unbelievable birthday. And then that night when you broke it off with Connor and he tried to kill you, Ethan was there and rescued you.” Anna sighed and placed a hand on top of mine. “It seems like every time you were lonely or needed help, he would always be there for you. Yes he may have lied to you, but he didn’t have to do all that if he didn’t care. So I think you should at least hear him out.”
I stared at the box once again and I knew she was right. As much as I’d tried to convince myself during the last three weeks that what Ethan and I had was not real, my heart wouldn’t believe me.
“Okay,” I finally said. “I’ll hear him out.”
I took the box and placed it in front of me. I pushed away the hesitation I felt and opened the box.
My eyes grew wide when I saw what was inside.
There, sitting innocently inside the box, was an old pink leather journal. I held my breath as I reached for the journal. I touched the journal in disbelief. As my fingers traced the worn leather and the deep creases along the bind, I knew this was the journal from my flashbacks. I knew this was my journal.
On top of the journal was a Post-It Note that said:
Can we start over from the beginning?
“Why did he ask me to give you that?” Anna’s face fell and the excitement that had been twinkling in her eyes since she’d arrived had instantly vanished. But I had barely noticed this drastic change. My eyes were transfixed on the worn pink leather journal in my hand.
“This was my diary from childhood,” I answered softly, unsure of what this all meant.
“It’s your diary?” She looked at me incredulously. “But how’s that possible?”
“I…I don’t know.”
I gingerly opened the journal to the page and let out a gasp.
The first entry was dated September 7, 1995. Instead of starting my first journal entry with the usual “Dear Diary,” there in my own handwriting from years ago, I wrote “Dear Ethan.”
CHAPTER THIR TEEN
I stared at those two words in shock. How was this possible? Why was I writing my journal entries to Ethan?
I flipped through the journal and to my surprise, all the entries started off with “Dear Ethan” instead of “Dear Diary.” I felt dizzy as I tried to understand what this meant and why Ethan was a part of my past.
“Hey, Liv, there’s some other stuff in this box,” Anna suddenly said as she dug past the tissue paper inside the box. She pulled out a card and DVD.
She handed me the card and DVD from him. I opened the card and inside was a handwritten note from Ethan and the goofy picture we had taken together at Free Fall Adventures. I smiled at how happy and alive we both looked in the picture, and fresh tears fell down my face.
I looked back to the card and read it:
Dear Olivia,
I cannot express how sorry I am for not telling you everything when I had the chance. I know you might not want to see me again, but I couldn’t let you disappear from my life again without trying to explain things to you. I hope that the DVD and your diary will be a good start. And I hope you will be able to forgive me for not being honest with you.
When you’re ready, and I hope you will be, I will be here waiting for you.